I’d like to congratulate the human race on a job well done. Here I was, thinking that this year’s Call of Duty would top the charts yet again, proving the world to be full of mindless sheep. But the forces of good won out. Call of Duty didn’t even finish top five. It finished 8th for PS4 and 14th for Xbox. And I couldn’t be happier. Call of Duty sucks. It stinks. Like what even was Infinite Warfare? It was trying so hard to be some kind of combination of Destiny and Halo. Actually, that’s generous. It was actively stealing from Destiny and Halo. Game looks so stupid. I will say, though, that part of the reason I hate Call of Duty so much is that I’m horrible at it. I might be bottom 5% of all people on Earth in terms of Call of Duty aptitude. I know I’m not mature enough to appreciate something I’m not good at, but Call of Duty still stinks.
I also wanted to address the most glaring omissions from my top five video games portion of my year end countdown, the first being Pokemon Moon. I kind of forgot about it, but it’s easy to spin. First off, when I say video games, in my mind I’m talking console games you play on TV. Second, I don’t even consider Pokemon a game anymore, it’s a way of life. I love Pokemon. I’m the biggest Pokemon guy you’ll ever find. It’s one of a few things that gives me happiness in this dreary world we live in. I’ve played every game, most of them multiple times. My Pokemon acumen is second to none. And I loved Moon. I thought the new things they added were clever and worked perfectly with the old reliable gameplay that has stood the test of time. In other words, it should have been in the top five.
The second one, and, the more I think about it the more egregious error was not mentioning Uncharted 4. It had been so long since I played it that I completely forgot about it. But it was the best 2016 release I played all year. The Uncharted games are all so awesome, and Thief’s End was no exception. I’m a huge pirate guy. I wish old school pirates were still around today, not the depressing African pirates we have now. Pirates make my nether regions flutter. If pirates are involved, I’m there and I’m excited. The second half of the game was satisfyingly beautiful porn that I never wanted to end. So, yeah. Kind of dropped the ball on that.