I Wish I Invented the Dyson Airblade


So when I’m by myself for long periods of time (i.e. always), I think of stupid hypothetical questions that I might theoretically ask someone (or, more likely, would like someone to ask me) or talk about at length in some fashion (like on a podcast, maybeeeeeeeeeee?), and the one I’ve been stuck on recently is “What one thing do you wish you invented?” And I decided that I wish I invented the Dyson Airblade.

It may seem stupid, but think about it. Every public bathroom worth its salt has one. It’s as sure a sign of modernity as anything. If you enter a public bathroom that doesn’t have a Dyson Airblade you should probably just walk out. So already you’ve created a status symbol. Not everyone can say that.

Inventing some big thing like cars or planes or ovens or whatever also boxes you in. What if the Wright Brothers were great poets and wanted their work to shine? Too bad, because they’re just the plane guys. Maybe Karl Benz was a brilliant philosopher, but he’s just the car guy. Why do you think Elon Musk is trying to invent as many things as possible? You don’t want to just be pigeonholed for the rest of your life. Well, inventing the Dyson Airblade is the perfect medium. It’s a huge, groundbreaking invention, sure. But it’s not so big that you’d forever be the Dyson Airblade guy if you invented it. You’re free to pursue other inventions or other ventures, but it’s also going to pull in enough cash where you can sit back and just be the Dyson Airblade guy if you wanted to. You can buy one for your home, if you want to (one of the most tempting things I’ve ever seen) for the low, low price of $1,899.00. Think of how many Dyson Airblades have been sold at $1,899.00. That’s enough to make the actual inventor, James Dyson, a billionaire. But guess what James Dyson is known as? The vacuum guy.

It’s really a no-brainer, the more I think about it. If you invented the Dyson Airblade, you get to be a pioneer of bathroom sanitation technology and a wealthy dryer magnate, but you also won’t get forced to only work on hand dryers for the rest of your life because you can remain relatively anonymous. I’m seriously considering gathering enough funds to acquire the patent rights just so I can create the Brian Airblade and sell it back to all the places with Dyson Airblades claiming it to be a necessary upgrade. I’m gonna be so rich!

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