Folks, if you spend enough time on the Internet, you’ll run into dozens of troublesome trends. Crazes or ideas that make you question not only why you waste time online, but why you waste time with the human race, in general. Recently, a new wave has washed over the world wide web, and it’s a real doozy: people calling Ted Bundy, noted rapist and serial killer, hot. Go on Twitter and search “Ted Bundy hot” and you’ll find tweet after tweet from misguided souls who find this manipulative sociopath attractive. So much so, in fact, that Netflix, who sparked the craze with their new Ted Bundy documentary (along with the release of the trailer for Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil, and Vile) released the following statement:
I’ve seen a lot of talk about Ted Bundy’s alleged hotness and would like to gently remind everyone that there are literally THOUSANDS of hot men on the service — almost all of whom are not convicted serial murderers
— Netflix US (@netflix) January 28, 2019
(I’m staying extremely woke on all this, by the way. After finding out Netflix likely started the Bird Box memes themselves, I am fully ready to accept that the thousands of people tweeting about the Ted Bundy doc are either shell accounts or being paid by Netflix, who was facing so much “pressure” by sane people that they just had to release a statement talking about their new show everyone’s watching. Funny how that works out.)
Like this is really where we’re at as a society now? We’re calling Ted Bundy daddy? I feel like I’m completely out of touch with reality. We’ve lost our way, and I don’t think I can stand it anymore. Because there’s one thing I know for certain: Ted Bundy was not hot.
Ted gets this great rep as the Hot Serial Killer and it’s completely unjustified. He gets to run around wearing his “Smartest Preschooler” badge because this is the rest of the competition:
(There are people out there that got roped into a cult/murdered by a cult that was lead by a 5’2″ guy. Think about that. Just think about that for a second. Imagine a 5’2″ man killing you. I can’t. I hate to say everyone involved got what they deserved, but I mean…)
Ted Bundy’s “hot” because his contemporaries are the literal inspirations behind every serial killer/pedophile stereotype out there. He’s not actually hot. Zac Efron is hot. He’s too hot to be playing Ted Bundy, even if there is a weird resemblance. Ted Bundy was like a 6 or 7. He should be played by an 8, max. Efron is a 9 on his worst day. It’s too big a glow up.
The bottom line is this- I know for a fact I’m objectively more handsome than Ted Bundy. This means his title as Hot Serial Killer is moot. I am not hot. Therefore someone less attractive than me is, by default, also not hot. It’s basic math. Ted Bundy succeeded because he had a broken brain that gave him unwarranted self-confidence and could overpower young women, not because he was hot. Because he wasn’t hot. He had a unibrow.
Ted Bundy can’t be the hottest serial killer. And if he is, good for him. But does that mean he’s real-life hot? Would you call Kevin Durant one of the great sportswriters in the world because his Player’s Tribune article got a lot of clicks? Probably not. Would you say “move over Wolfgang Puck!” if Kevin Hart looked up how to make a blueberry gastrique and didn’t mess it up? I’m guessing no. We need to add a tiny bit of perspective into things. Ted Bundy isn’t a revolting creep with a bad mustache and thick glasses. That doesn’t make him hot.
In review- Hot serial killer:
Not hot but looks great compared to John Wayne Gacy: