Apple has Designed the Perfect Pizza Box

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source– Apple is credited with reinventing the mobile phone, the computer and the music industry. Now it has redefined the pizza box.

The technology giant has invented a space-age pizza box specially for employees at its new headquarters in California. The circular design – naturally finished in white – features carefully-placed holes that allow heat and moisture to escape, preventing the pizza from getting soggy.

The box, whose design has been patented by Apple, was made to allow staff to take pizzas from the 4,000-seater staff canteen back to their desk.

The patent, which was first published in 2012, describes how the box can be easily stacked and features a “plurality of ridges”, “allowing moisture expelled from the food item to be transported away from the food item”.

While the box has been in use for some time at Apple’s “Caffe Mac” canteens, but will come in especially handy at the new “Apple Park” headquarters in Cupertino, where staff have started to move in.

Staff are meant to eat in the enormous main café together in order to encourage employees from different departments to collaborate, meaning a lengthy walk to lunch for some workers around the new headquarters’ spaceship-like “ring” design.

A report on the new headquarters from Wired said that the pizza box was partially designed by Francesco Longoni, Apple’s head of food services.

Unfortunately for takeaway fans around the world, Apple does not appear to have any plans to distribute its invention more widely, leaving the rest of us grappling with low-tech containers and soggy pizza.

 

True aficionados will be able to experience the box, however. Apple plans to open a café to the public when the headquarters are fully operational.

I have a few thoughts on this whole thing. First of all, I’m actually glad Apple is taking it upon themselves to fully maximize everyone’s living experience and spend hundreds of hours and most likely millions of dollars to research something like the Perfect Pizza Box. I think they should improve more things. I’ve long called for a more sensitive and precise toaster. And how about an iToilet? Make everything I own a carefully designed marvel of modern technology. It just means we’re one step closer to having a complete monopoly on all consumer goods, which will make life a lot easier if you only have to go one place to get anything. People may mourn the death of the small business, but I’ll rejoice at the chance to get all of my shopping done in one convenient place. How many times do you have to go to one place for some tech services, then another place for clothes, then another place to get food? Bouncing around all over town like that takes up the whole day. But if everything is in one spot? Then I’ve got all my shopping done in an hour and I’m feeling good about the rest of the day. The fact that this box was partially designed by the head of their food services is also a great sign, since it means Apple is so committed to progress, even their lunch ladies cafeteria staff are brilliant engineers. It makes me feel like my future is in good hands.

But, and this is a big but here, folks, the cardboard pizza box is a sacred item. A symbol of American Identity. A pure aphrodisiac. Seeing a cardboard pizza box releases every positive endorphin our bodies produce. It not only signals it’s time to eat, but that it’s time to eat pizza. That’s one of the greatest sensations mankind can have. Sure, after being in a box for 30 Minutes or Less™ and bouncing around in a car it’s not a crisp as it would be if you got it straight out of a brick oven in New Haven, but unless you’re actually getting New Haven style pizza, why does crispness matter? A poorly ventilated cardboard box keeps all those wonderful vapors trapped within, only magnifying the flavor of the pizza itself. The cardboard infuses some of its own flavor into the pizza, as well, which can’t be overstated. Pizza in a cardboard box just smells different. It feels different. It tastes different. Replace that with a new age plastic disc perfectly engineered to eliminate moisture and funnel the steam away from the pie? I don’t know if I want to live in a world where that’s the norm. It’s like a new cast-iron skillet vs. a twenty year old one. Sure, the new one is cleaner, more consistent, and in much better shape, but the old one has so many great flavors built in that the new one can’t hope to match. The pizza itself may be purer in the Apple Box, but that’s not what pizza is supposed to be. It’s not supposed to be clean and always fresh and designed by MIT grads. It’s an everyman food. Imperfect. Messy. Not always the most sanitary. But delicious nonetheless. And, speaking from experience, cardboard boxes have an important role in film, television, and real life, as a wake up call. It’s going to be a lot different waking up to a neat stack of plastic discs that you can reuse than it is for a big, bulky, greasy stack of cardboard pizza boxes. If you’ve ever had more than two cardboard pizza boxes lying around at one time and you haven’t had a party or anything, it can cause you to re-evauate your life a little bit. At the very least it forces you to clean up a bit before ordering the next round of ‘za. But these reusable plastic things? Just wash them off and you can put anything in there. It’s so convenient you’ll wind up just ordering more and more pizza with no shame or sense of the moment. You’ll ruin the allure of pizza night because it’ll become your default meal. Pizza will become monotonous. That’s a worst-case-scenario for humankind. Cardboard boxes keep pizza consumption in check. It keeps the supply healthy and the air of exclusivity alive. I keep coming back to this, but the worst business decision of the last 10,000 years was McDonald’s making breakfast all day. Why would anyone want it anymore if they can always get it? If you can always get the perfect pizza experience, it’ll just become passé. Just another thing to put into your stomach. Pizza doesn’t deserve that. Not now, not ever.

Pizza Hut is Introducing “Pie Top” sneakers for March Madness

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New York Daily News– “Pie Tops” — a limited edition sneaker for March Madness — allows you to place orders by pressing a button on the tongue that connects to an app, according to Ad Week.

The white and red sneakers have a geolocation built into them that allows the pizza to be delivered to wherever you are.

(Before we start I have to give a quick shout out to the NY Daily News for using what is a clear picture of a Domino’s pizza in an article about Pizza Hut. It’s the little things that make old newspapers so much better than websites such as this.)

They went all in on being the wacky brand a long time ago, but it’s good to see Pizza Hut further their brand as the leader in pizza innovation. This is a genius marketing scheme, especially since they’re only making 64 pairs. Nothing gets people’s blood flowing like a limited sneaker release, and 20 years from now, the resale market for these things will be insane. Granted, Pizza Hut technically see any of the profits for the secondary market, but the publicity is worth it.

It goes without saying that Pizza Hut should make sure that I get a pair. Having gone on record as saying that I sometimes want their pizza, I’m pretty much their greatest champion. In fact, I kind of wanted some Pizza Hut last night, but I didn’t get it. I’m not saying it definitely would have been different if I had some Pie Tops, but it might have been. Pizza Hut needs someone with my huge sphere of influence to have access to their product at a moment’s notice. Maybe make it all free, too. With franchising options. I’m just trying to look out for Pizza Hut here. They’re a clear third dog in the Great Pizza Race. Letting 64 randoms get these shoes instead of me isn’t the way to change anything.

What is the best pizza chain?

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Every football weekend usually gets me thinking about pizza, but the playoffs get my pie-centric brain working overtime. Growing up, I always hit up my favorite local place for some ‘za as I watched playoff football, but ever since I moved out (be honest, after the Pokemon blog you thought I still lived at home. I don’t hold it against you) I’ve had to switch it up. No more go-to spot has opened the door for more experimenting and, much to my great joy, plenty of the Big Three: Pizza Hut, Domino’s, and Papa John’s. But which is the best? As is natural in playoff time, someone needs to be crowned the winner. Before we get into it, if you consider yourself too good to indulge in chain pizza, you can get the hell out right now. The Brian’s Den is a socialist commune for pizza, and everyone gets a fair shake. Yes, you can get better pizza at plenty local places. But you can also get worse. All pizza is good pizza, no matter what is says on the box. Now, let’s get to the tale of the tape.

Pizza Quality

I guess the most important category to start with is the actual quality of the pizza. It should go without saying that we’re talking about the basics. Default crust, sauce, and cheese, at most one topping. Just the pure pizza experience. I’ll say this about Pizza Hut: It’s awesome if you have it once a year. Once in a blue moon I’ll get a random craving for Pizza Hut and it’s probably the strongest craving I get for any food. It can’t be ignored. But once you start having more often than that you start running into trouble. I recently tried Papa John’s pan pizza. It was better than Pizza Hut. Pan pizza is Pizza Hut’s calling card. If someone does your supposed strength better than you, that’s a bad sign. It’s hard to remember what Domino’s was like before their big redesign a few years ago, but they hit the ground running and haven’t looked back. The new garlic crust is awesome. The sauce is good and the cheese is fine. Considering the only adjective I can think of to describe Papa John’s Pizza is that it’s pretty good, this is a win for Domino’s. Extra points for possibly having the least bad aftermath.

Winner: Domino’s

Specialty Crust

Hinted at above, but Papa John’s pan pizza is awesome. It’s better than their regular pizza by a mile. Domino’s non-regular options are so bland and subpar that I seriously question why anyone would bother to get them. Pizza Hut gets points for sort of creating stuffed crust, but stuffed crust sucks.

Winner: Papa John’s

Breadsticks

I was tempted to just throw breadsticks in with rest of the sides, but they’re too important not to recognize. Breadsticks are a staple of the pizza chain menu, and each one brings strong entries. Pizza Hut’s breadsticks are excellent. The seasoning meshes perfectly with the bread. More than anyone, Pizza Hut’s breadsticks are an extension of the crust. If Pizza Hut’s pizza was as good as the breadsticks, I’d be tempted to go more often. Domino’s has quality breadsticks, as well, with the added wrinkle of being baked as one big piece that you rip pieces off of. It lends itself well to cheese and other toppings, but we’re talking straight breadsticks here. I get them every time and always enjoy them, but Domino’s has the weakest of the three. I feel like not many people know it, but Papa John’s is a titan of the breadstick world. They’re thicker than most places, but high on natural bread flavor. That’s a plus for me. I think they’re the best for dipping, and, most importantly, are great cold. Pizza Hut’s aren’t. That’s the only thing separating these two Hall of Famers.

Winner: Papa John’s

Sides

Here’s where we factor in pretty much every non-pizza, non-plain breadstick food everyone offers. This is an easy win for Domino’s simply because of the chicken. Their chicken nuggets, or whatever they call them, are great if you get them plain or with the various toppings they offer. The cheesey bread is good too. I honestly couldn’t tell you what other sides Papa John’s has and if you get wings from Pizza Hut you should probably go in for a psych evaluation.

Winner: Domino’s

Best Gimmick

Kind of felt bad that Pizza Hut is getting left behind here, so this is for them. No one takes chances like they do. Whether it’s pretzel crust, that New York style thing they tried where it was just regular pizza but like 24″ in diameter, or the P’Zone, Pizza Hut is always at the forefront of innovation. I tried the pizza they had where the crust was just a bunch of pigs in a blanket and it changed my life. Jury’s still out on if the change was positive.

Winner: Pizza Hut

Desert

Though I will admit to trying most of the menu for research purposes, you’ve got to be in a pretty dark place in your life to be getting pizza chain desert regularly. This would be a tie between Pizza Hut and Domino’s for their cinnamon sticks, but Domino’s pulls away with the chocolate lava crunch cakes. Domino’s asking if you want to add one to your order online is the strongest temptation I can think of.

Winner: Domino’s

Delivery

This is the only category that prevented this from being a fatal four way. Little Caesar’s Hot and Ready pizza is so good and so underrated that I have to give it a quick shoutout. They don’t deliver though, which is just about the only requirement to get into this debate. The big three are all pretty even here. I’ve had both fast and slow delivery times with all of them. However, when I was in college the only one we had was Domino’s and they were open super late on the weekend. It may seem biased, but the importance of that fact cannot be overstated.

Winner: Domino’s

Mascot

A pretty rough category all around. The Pizza Noid is stupid, as is that speed box folder Domino’s tried to impress us with. Pizza Hut’s recent ad campaigns have been a combination of boring and annoying, as they keep trying to get in on the new trend of just being super weird and random in commercials and hoping people remember it. They don’t remember, and they probably hate the ad. Papa John seems like a decent guy and I don’t really care about Peyton anymore, but J.J Watt, man. He’s just so fake and insufferable. It’s an upset he hasn’t gotten his grandma on one of the ads yet, and an even bigger upset he hasn’t gotten his great grandma in one. He still hangs out with both of them, you know. Not sure if you would, though, he never mentions it.

Winner: Nobody

Well, it’s pretty clear that Domino’s is the winner. I don’t think I really thought it would be this apparent when I started, but you never know what can happen during the course of a debate. Domino’s rewards program where you get free pizza if you order enough is just the icing on the cake. Domino’s runs away with it, proving that in the chain pizza game, as in life, every detail matters.

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