It’s finally here. The Super Bowl. The Big Game. It’s been a quiet two weeks from my perspective. Surprisingly there wasn’t a new Patriots cheating accusation. No one retiring after the game is played in his hometown. The coaches aren’t brothers. In fact, there’s been almost no storyline of any substance. This is like, the least hyped Super Bowl ever. There’s been nothing interesting. There’s been Atlanta vs. Boston music debates (hard to beat a city that produced Marky Mark). Roger Goodell was widely skewered for lying through his teeth about almost every question that came his way (What year is it?). People were so bored they just kind of talked about the fact that Julio Jones is good (Ya think?). There was no scandal, no incendiary talking points. There was almost too much actual football talk. Every possible scenario was discussed on NFL Live. I’m almost convinced at this point that the Pats are running a trick play for guard Joe Thuney. I’m getting cabin fever waiting for this game.
But that didn’t stop the Brian’s Den from getting fired up and ready to offer another pre-cognizant pick. The very few of you brave enough to read my entire Yu-Gi-Oh thesis were rewarded with my correct pick for the Pro Bowl. Since it’s technically a post-season game, we’re going to go ahead and count it as a win, which means I’m now 7-4. Or 6-1 after the Wildcard Round, which we established was merely a diversion. The Brian’s Den might as well be located on the side of a volcano it’s so hot. And don’t expect the roll to slow down any time soon. Especially when I can pad my stats with some prop bet wins.
New England Patriots vs. Atlanta Falcons (-3)
This is a game of opposites. Number one scoring offense vs. number one scoring defense. Haves vs. Have-nots. The Quarterback Demi-God (there is only one God) vs. Matt Ryan. Big, beefy LeGarrette Blount vs. the Lollipop Guild that plays defense for the Falcons. But it’s also a game between two similar teams. As different as they look, the two offenses share a lot in common. Multiple dynamic running backs, star receivers paired with multiple talented secondary options, (no, I don’t think Julian Edelman is as good as Julio Jones. But he’s a legitimate star number one receiver, especially in the playoffs. I guarantee he finishes with more receiving yards than Jones) and MVP caliber pocket passers. By now, you know all the matchups. Every key player’s life story. All the coaching tendencies: Belichick takes away the other team’s best option on offense (and defense- don’t expect a big game out of Vic Beasley) and the Falcons isolate mismatches while on offense better than anyone…except the Pats. Listen, I know I’m a homer, but I just don’t see it for the Falcons. This Patriots team is perfectly built to beat them. Big, strong offensive line with a big, strong running back vs. the smallest defense, like, ever. All the talk about how this Falcons offense should rightly be considered one of the best of this era. Well, the Patriots had the second best offense in the league, and, if you put stock in DVOA, the Pats are the best team in the league. The Patriots defense is good enough to get the few stops necessary to get the win. They’re going to score at will. Gary Blount will have a monster game. They’ll drain the clock and bludgeon them all game. This just feels like a vintage Pats win, anyway. Everyone still says the Pats defense is overrated even after they completely shut down the last greatest offense of all time they played. Everyone’s rooting against them. Matt Ryan will be named MVP. It all adds up to a vintage Pats blowout win. Plus, can you really see the Atlanta Falcons actually winning a Super Bowl, especially against the Patriots? Me neither.
(Full disclosure: I was in the store today stocking up on snacks for Sunday when a 2/$7 Doritos sign naturally caught my eye. Never one to turn down a deal, I knew I had to capitalize. I decided to go with two new (I think) flavors: some spicy flavor whose bag is written in Spanish for some reason and Toasted Corn, which from what I can tell is just plain Doritos with no dust (It’s such a bizarre concept I had to try it). I’m not naïve. I realize how risky it is trying new chip flavors during the Super Bowl, especially Doritos, which have such a pronounced gap between the good flavors and the bad (obviously nacho, cool ranch, and spicy nacho are the good. Everything else is the bad). I’m a creature of habit. I’m going to wear the same clothes I wore for the other two playoff games down to the underwear. I’m watching in the same room on the same couch. But now the snacks are different. If things go south for the Pats, I will take full responsibility for the loss. But that’s how committed I am to furthering my encyclopedic snack knowledge. It’s too important of a topic to throw a half-hearted top five at the end, so, if people want to be educated, I will commit a full post to the snacks you should be eating (hint: it shouldn’t be made by Lay’s.))
Pick: Patriots -3
BONUS PROP BETS (lines from Bovada and OddsShark):
Luke Bryan anthem time 2:15- under -120
Coin Toss- Heads -105
First Touchdown- Malcolm Mitchell +2200
Lady Gaga’s first song- Born This Way +225
More passing yards- Matt Ryan -130
Number of times Trump is mentioned: 1.5- under -120
MVP- LeGarrette Blount +2000
Who Will MVP Thank First? Team/Teammates +200
What color liquid will be dumped? Blue +750
Over/Under: 59- Under