Patriots trade for Brandin Cooks, continue run of Dominance

New Orleans Saints v Arizona Cardinals

I’ve always been a huge Brandin Cooks guy. Loved him when he was dominating at Oregon State, loved him on the Saints. It’s just too bad they had to give up Super Bowl legend Malcolm Butler. Wait, what’s that? They didn’t trade Butler? They only gave up a first and a third for a 23-year-old receiver with back to back 1,000 yard seasons? And earlier today they got Kony Ealy, who one year ago completely dominated the Super Bowl, for nothing? And they signed Stephon Gilmore, one of the best defensive free agents? And they got Dwayne Allen, Martellus Bennett’s younger, cheaper replacement for a bag of balls and an air pump (little topical Deflategate joke)? And they still have over $40 million in cap space to sign Dont’a Hightower, arguably the best player on their defense? And they might get a king’s ransom for backup QB Jimmy Garoppolo? Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! UNREAL!!!! This must be what it feels like to be a Dolphins fan in March, because the Pats have already locked up the prestigious Offseason Super Bowl. Oh, yeah, they also just won the actual Super Bowl. Does the NFC even send a representative to Minneapolis? Or do they just punt on 2018? Hey, the Falcons are bringing everyone back! Look out! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! I can’t stop laughing! How does anyone else even root for another NFL team? What’s it like fluctuating between being decent and being horrible every other year? It’s a legitimate question, because honestly I have no idea. Absolutely unreal. If I was another GM I wouldn’t even take a call from Bill Belichick, because there’s a 100% chance I’d wind up getting embarrassed. What’s the old saying? Someone’s playing chess while someone else is playing checkers? Well Belichick is playing Bobby Fisher-level chess while every other team is trying to put the right shaped peg in the right shaped hole. Honestly, it’s kind of getting annoying. I keep having to buy new Super Bowl Championship gear, and it looks like that’s not changing anytime soon. Think of my wallet Bill! Have a heart!

Considering how out of character this all-in offseason strategy has been, it’s clear to me that Belichick thinks Brady’s only got a year or two left at the top. Kind of makes me wonder what the point of trading Jimmy G would be, because if the incumbent only has one or two more seasons, why give up a quality QB, the rarest commodity in sports? Just look at the Packers. They had a legendary QB and a good backup, now they have another legendary QB. Garoppolo doesn’t need to become Aaron Rodgers to be valuable-he just needs to be above replacement level, which these days is remarkably low. But who am I to question Belichick? Either way it’ll work out. Keep Jimmy and he’ll become a Hall of Famer. Trade him and Brissett will become the ultimate version of Donovan McNabb. There’s literally no reason to ever stress out about the Pats’ moves. Remember last year when trading Chandler Jones and Jamie Collins would cripple the defense and cost them a Super Bowl? Me neither. Everything always comes up Belichick, no matter what. Isn’t life as a Patriots fan just great?

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