What the Hell is Going on at Real Madrid?


So this has been going on for a little while now, but it’s too weird and too crazy not to address. Apparently literally everyone who has ever been involved with La Liga in Spain is being investigated for tax fraud. Cristiano RonaldoAngel Di MariaJose MourinhoAlexis SanchezLionel Messi’s case is finally starting to wrap up after about a year. Soccer players in Spain just refuse to pay taxes. And I don’t blame them. Taxes stink. But most governments say that you have to pay them if you want to live in their country.

Now, I’m not naïve. I went to a college with big time athletics, I know how this arrangement works. We (the normal folk) do something the athletes don’t want to do (homework, taxes), and, in turn, we get to live vicariously through the athletes as they excel on the field. It’s a win-win scenario. The only people that have a problem with it could easily be classified as haters and losers. I’d love to meet the goody two-shoes who blew the whistle on Ronaldo. Like, good job guy. Now Ronaldo is desperate to leave the country to escape massive tax fraud allegations. Way to go. I guarantee everyone in the Spanish government was well aware of the fact that Messi hadn’t paid taxes in years and was perfectly fine with it. But the second some self-righteous justice warrior decides to point it out, their hands are tied. There’s going to be a lot of “jail time turned into paying a small fine” sentences going around as the government tries to smooth over relations with their star players. I’ve got some advice for whoever called this in: you’d better leave the country, fake your own death, get an entirely new identity, and leave your life behind entirely. Because if Ronaldo does, in fact, leave, once the Ronaldo fans find out who you are, it’s over. Forget a closed casket, you won’t even have a funeral because your body will be nowhere to be found. No one will even know you’re dead. Those Ronaldo fans are vicious, and they’re coming for you. Right after this siesta.

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