Dwyane Wade to Sign With Cavs, Bring Us One Step Closer to Team Banana Boat

Dwyane Wade is nearing a commitment to sign with Cleveland and could finalize decision as soon as Wednesday, league sources tell ESPN.

— Adrian Wojnarowski (@wojespn) September 26, 2017

I love this so goddamn much. This is exactly the kind of news I needed today, and, somehow, it’s gotten me even more pumped up for this coming NBA season than I already was. DWade to the Cavs, a match made in my own personal Heaven. Not because it makes Wade and LeBron happy, although an all Banana Boat Boyz team would be amazing. Combining those four guys when they’re all way past their primes and expecting it to work is perfect logic and I can’t wait to see it play out. But because it makes the Celtics a virtual lock to make the Finals.

DWade was horrible with the Bulls last year. I realize he wasn’t trying anymore, but still, he was horrible. H-o-r-r-i-b-l-e. The numbers look okay, but he was doing things like this

Yikes! This isn’t your dad’s Dwyane Wade the Cavs are getting. This is old, creaky knees, no lift, no effort DWade. What’s this Cavs rotation gonna be? Unfortunately, I don’t really know how much you can reasonably hope to get from Isaiah Thomas. That leaves Derrick Rose, Wade, Iman Shumpert, J.R. Smith, Kyle Korver, Jose Calderon, and Kay Felder as possible members of the backcourt. 🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢 Yuck. That’s terrible! They really think they can beat the Warriors trotting that sorry group out there? J.R. and Korver have the most value to their team at this point. Think about that. Even is Isaiah comes back in January like they’re hoping and he’s 100% healthy ready to get 25-30 a game again, they’re still going to play Rose and Wade significant minutes. In 2017 that’s like O’Brien Trophy repellant. LeBron’s gonna come out with a vengeance this year and is probably winning MVP. But this roster looks an awful lot like 2015 where he was doing absolutely everything himself and ran out of steam. It looks worse that 2015, honestly. I love Isaiah, but I don’t think Isaiah at his best could cover up some of the small gaps in LeBron’s greatness like Kyrie could. But Isaiah’s going to be at, like, 75% at best and totally absent at worst. By the time the playoffs get here and the Celtics have figured everything out, I legitimately can only see them losing to the Cavs if Kevin Love and Tristan Thompson go absolutely insane on the glass. You’re going to ask Isaiah or DRose or DWade to guard Kyrie? Or are you going to put “defensive stopper” Iman Shumpert on him and then deal with the fatal consequences of having Iman Shumpert on the court on offense? Horford will bring Thompson away from the rim and hit cutters all day long from the elbow. You’ll have to chose between playing Jae Crowder out of position as a guard or take Love or Thompson out if you don’t want LeBron stuck guarding Hayward. It’d be nice if the Celtics had a shooting guard that perfectly complimented someone like Kyrie and also played lock-down D, but where would they find someone like that? Everyone on the Cavs bench is either old, slow, or bad, so if Jaylen Brown and Jayson Tatum can become anything offensively they could tear them up. I don’t care how badly it’ll come back to bite me, but unless the league bends over backwards for LeBron and he gets like Devin Booker or something in exchange for James Jones the Celtics are just flat-out better than the Cavs. And Wade makes them even worse. This is like Christmas morning yet again. R.I.P. Cavs, R.I.P. LeBron, R.I.P. The Land. Celtics 2017-18 NBA Champs.