A yearly tradition is mine is to, once the NFC and AFC Championship games finish, remember that it’s time for the Royal Rumble and frantically google it to be sure I didn’t miss it. As usual, I didn’t- it’s this Sunday. But when I saw the results page this time around, I was met by a cursed image: John Cena has hair now. Naturally, I then googled John Cena to try and get more information about this shocking transformation. I clicked on his Instagram feed, thinking I would be able to see a nice progression from highway cop to overworked father of three, but instead I got the weirdest social media page I’ve ever seen. If you’ve never been, it’s a collection of random memes and photoshops with no context given whatsoever. Apparently, I’ve been following him for years, which was a surprise to me. Guess I just never saw them (oh!).
What is this? Is this a human egg?
Ahh, yes, classic meme.
I don’t think I know the significance of any piece of this image.
He has like a billion random Stone Cold memes.
Hell yeah, I actually had some of these.
This is that wholesome content I crave from John Cena.
But did Han shoot first John?
You leave Tom out of this, John.
I don’t understand this and I don’t know how to change that.
What are we, the public, supposed to do with this?
It just goes on and on like this. He’s always online and always posting weird ass pictures with no captions. What happened to the guy that lives for Make-A-Wish kids? Where are the hustle, loyalty, or respect on this page? What do any of these posts mean? I actually think it’s better not knowing. John Cena’s just a weird dude who posts weird memes. Finding out what they all mean would kind of ruin the fun.
Anyway, yeah, Royal Rumble. Should be a good time.