For those of you that don’t follow me on Instagram, my life is dedicated to trying the newest fast food and junk food items and reviewing them. It’s my raison d’être if you will. It keeps me going. Well, today I dragged myself to Burger King to try the “new” Big King XL, the second iteration of BK’s shameless, disgusting knockoff of the fast food godfather the Big Mac. My thoughts:
A bald, cowardly imposter coming for the crown. While mentally comparing the two sandwiches, I knew the Big Mac was a 10 and the Big King would have to be judged accordingly. That got the old gears turning, so I decided to compile a list of current fast food items that get a 10 on the Brian’s Den scoring meter. This is fast food only, so no fast casual. Five Guys’ fries are a clear 10, but Five Guys is fast casual. Sorry. Also, this only includes national chains. So while I’m sure Double-Doubles and Honey Butter Chicken Biscuits are legitimate 10s, I don’t like being punished for being born in the wrong place. If you have any problems with this list, just know that I’m the one with the food reviews, not you and my palate is much, much more refined than yours.
Active Fast Food 10s
Big Mac– The burger that launched a thousand imitators. Hopefully this is self-explanatory, but when the greatest fast food empire in history is built on the back of a single menu item, you’d better believe it’s a 10.
Fries– The GOAT of GOATs.
Honorable Mention (a.k.a. 9s)- McNuggets, Sweet & Sour Sauce, McFlurry, McDouble (the best McDoubles are 10s but you can get some bad ones if you go at the wrong time), Apple Pie
Cheesy Gordita Crunch– Taco Bell’s strength is its deep roster of 8s and 9s, but the CGC is the superstar leading the team and taking the shots in crunch time (pun not intended but intended). The CGC is arguably the greatest fast food innovation of the 21st century.
Honorable Mention– Baja Blast (like the McDouble, can be a 10 but can also be way lower if the fountain is off. Also lost serious points when it started showing up in stores), Beefy Fritos Burrito, Doritos Locos Taco (all flavors), Crunchwrap (regular and breakfast), Shredded Chicken Burrito, Beefy Nacho Loaded Griller, all iterations of Quesadilla
Honorable Mention– Bring back the $1 Rodeo Cheeseburger you idiots
Baconator– Improbably on of the more influential burgers of the last decade or so, the Baconator birthed numerous copycats, including, you’ll never believe this, one from Burger King. I like bacon, wouldn’t call myself a true bacon guy or anything, but the Baconator is just great. Maybe it’s just Wendy’s beef.
Double Stack– Wendy’s is the only fast food place to have consistently mastered the art of the value menu burger. The Double Stack is like the McDouble’s rich brother that is also really philanthropic.
Honorable Mention– Fries, Chicken Nuggets, Spicy Chicken Sandwich
Original Chicken Sandwich– If there was an 11, this would be it.
Spicy Chicken Sandwich– If there was an 11, this would be it.
Chicken Nuggets– If there was an 11, this would be it.
Chick-fil-A Sauce– The GOAT dipping sauce. If I could shower in CFAS, I would.
Polynesian Sauce– I think Chick-fil-A has this industry figured out.
Honorable Mention– Fries, Chicken Biscuit, Spicy Chicken Biscuit
Biscuits– I will neither confirm nor deny reports that I get at least two extra biscuits every time I go to Popeye’s. Better than KFC’s biscuits, if only slightly, and there’s only room for one 10 biscuit.
Honorable Mention– Spicy Chicken, Mashed Potatoes
Honorable Mention– Biscuits, Extra Crispy Chicken, Popcorn Chicken, Potato Wedges, Mashed Potatoes
Chocolate Dipped Cone– People forget Dairy Queen is technically a fast food place. People also forget the regular cholate dipped cone is the best fast food desert in the game.
Honorable Mention– Most Blizzards, none of the actual food because I’m not a crazy person
Honorable Mention– Fries, Fry Lover’s Burger, Cheese Double
Honorable Mention– Literally everything if you really, really want it
Strawberry Frosted Donut– I lost track of how many of these I’ve eaten about 15 years ago. Sure, you can go to “fancy” donut places and get similar or “superior” versions of this, but this man will never say there’s a better donut to be had.
Honorable Mention– Blueberry Cake Donut
Original Glazed– When they’re hot they’re the best thing you’ve ever eaten.
Honorable Mention– Why would you get anything else?
Honorable Mention– Tots, Chili Cheese Coney, Breakfast Toaster, French Toast Sticks, Asian Sweet Chili Boneless Wings, Shakes, Sonic Blasts
Honorable Mention– None