Celtics Stink


The Bucks smashed the Celtics again last night, extending their series lead to a commanding 3-1. Celtics’ season is effectively over. Were it not for preseason expectations, losing to the best team in the East, led by the likely MVP and owner of one of the best scoring margins in league history, wouldn’t be that big a deal. But, unfortunately, those expectations existed, and they wound up dooming the Celtics.

Coming off a surprise trip to the Conference Finals (which, in all honesty, they should have won), the East was the Celtics’ oyster. Kyrie Irving, hurt for the playoffs, and Gordon Hayward, hurt for the entire season, were returning, adding two All-Star players to a dynamic young core that blossomed in the postseason, which, according to fan logic, would create an instant contender. Instead, we got a steaming pile of shit. Hayward took months to shake off the rust and regain his confidence, by which time the public had already given up on him. Kyrie was such a terrible leader and teammate the entire season that you could be forgiven for thinking he was actively sabotaging the team. Preaching “wait until the playoffs” then STINKING in the playoffs isn’t a great look. But it’s the dumb young guys’ fault, not his. He’s a basketball genius, you know. He’s the most talented Celtic since Kevin Garnett and I can’t wait until he’s on a different team. Every sign of adversity caused them to fold up shop, and, as the vocal and self-proclaimed leader of the team, that falls into his lap. I get the Bucks are dominant and Giannis is completely unstoppable, but you can’t just quit every single time. It’s not all on Kyrie, obviously. At least he’s going out firing. Jayson Tatum, proclaimed the second coming this time last year, has completely vanished. This was a troubling season from start to finish from him and it’s ending with a whimper. Terry Rozier took a step back this season when relegated to a bench role. Brad Stevens didn’t even have a good year. Jaylen Brown has surged after a dreadful start to the season and played well in the playoffs, but still mysteriously has games where he doesn’t play 30 minutes. Only Al Horford, always steady, always underrated, has escaped this season without black marks.

So what now? I guess they could theoretically come back and win the series, but if you sincerely believe that we’ve been watching two different series. Celtics are dead in the water. Bucks are too good, Celtics are too dysfunctional and bad. End of story. They could re-sign Kyrie, but I’m hoping that’s unlikely. Let him crawl back to LeBron or go waste away in New York. They could trade for Anthony Davis and hope he comes back next year, but they just went through the exact same thing with Kyrie and it completely destroyed their season. Count me out on trading everything for a guy who is either too dumb to pick out his own clothes in the morning or thinks the public is so dumb we’ll believe that. Celtics have enough head cases as is. I guess move forward with the young guys as the focal point, hoping that the loss of ambiguity in their roles fosters the kind of growth everyone is expecting. But it might be time to start wondering if the Nets trade was squandered. Still early, but it’s real ugly right now. It’s time to go back to the drawing board in Boston.

Celtics Acquire Kyrie Irving


Well, didn’t see this coming when I woke up this morning. Celtics get Kyrie Irving for Isaiah Thomas, Jae Crowder, Ante Zizic, and the Nets’ unprotected first round pick in 2018. That’s a lot. A lottttttttttttttttt to give up. Say goodbye to the Marvin Bagley/Michael Porter dream duo. Also say goodbye to the logjam of wing players and big men, which is definitely a positive, and could open the door for a for a big time Jaylen Brown second season.

Anyway, always said I was a big Kyrie guy, everyone knows that. Always been at the front of the Kyrie bandwagon. He’s better than Curry, right? He better be, to give up all of that. Still, that’s the way NBA trades work. To get a player of Kyrie’s pedigree and track record, you have to give up a lot. It would have been nice to keep Zizic, but when you have a chance to acquire one of the most purely talented scorers and ballhandlers in league history, you do it and figure it out later. They avoid the Isaiah quandary next offseason and gain an extra year of control on the best player on the roster. The rotation is shaping up a little more now, although it would have been reeeeeeeeeealllly nice to have the one guy in the East who can guard Kyrie still on the roster. Can’t really fault them for not foreseeing that Kyrie would get sick of LeBron, but still. It was a bad trade then and it’s a horrible trade now. Celtics’ backcourt might be the worst defensively in the league. Oh, well. Maybe they think Isaiah’s injury is worse than it appears. I think I’ve talked myself into this. 2017-18 championship parade is back on.

Reason 53,395,392 the NBA is fixed: first game of the season is Celtics vs Cavs and the Cavs will get the number one pick when LeBron leaves again.

Marvin Bagley Reclassifies and Will Attend Duke Next Season, Celtics to Win 2018-19 NBA Championship


Huge news day for college basketball yesterday. Not only did Jim Calhoun throw his name back out there, but 2018 top recruit Marvin Bagley III decided to reclassify and attend Duke this upcoming season. Duke now enters the season as the clear number one team and is probably going to win the championship, unless they wind up choking again in the tournament/Coach K decides he needs another surgery and takes a few months off, ruining team chemistry but preserving his record. Oh, well. If Duke didn’t win every once in a while, they wouldn’t be Duke anymore. They’re not really Duke, anymore, anyway. All these fancy one and done guys even though Coach K has always preached against one and dones and praised four year guys. Funny how his legendary morals seem to change whenever he finds a way to benefit from something new. Odd how that works out.

Anyway, Bagley’s a stud. The ultimate modern day big man, he’s being called the best prospect since Anthony Davis. He’s a freak athlete, he can shoot, he can handle the ball, and he’s 6’11”. Seems like a decent combination of skills to have. If only there was an NBA team that was one guy away from winning the next five championships. Oh, wait, there is! And, as fortune should have it, the Celtics could theoretically end up with the first two picks in the draft next year, barring unexpected leaps in performance from the Nets and Lakers. I was already gearing up for the Celtics to get previous top prospect Michael Porter, Jr., but now they’ll get Porter and Bagley? Whooooo, baby. Now that LeBron and Kyrie have both feet out the door in Cleveland, I can’t see a realistic scenario where the Celtics don’t at least make the Finals in perpetuity. What a time to be a Celtics fan. Think of everything they’ve got going for them. Top pick Markelle Fultz The NBA’s best guard defender Avery Bradley A great coach and a million young guys that all play the same position. Can’t beat that. Hope Marvin likes green.


This just happened a second ago and I’m typing this out on my phone but it couldn’t wait. Thunder just traded Victor Oladipo and Domantas Sabonis. If you’re waiting for more names there aren’t any. That’s the whole deal. Seriously. And the Celtics couldn’t match it. Just like they couldn’t beat the pupu platter Minnesota just gave Chicago for Jimmy Butler. And Blake Griffin is going to re-sign in L.A. Great work, Danny!

How did they let this happen? I don’t care if he wasn’t going to sign a long-term deal, how do you not beat that? Trading Jae Crowder straight up for George would have been a better deal than what they got. They could have given any number of deals better than what Minnesota gave up. They had a LEGITIMATE CHANCE AT PORZINGIS! WHAT’S THE POINT OF HAVING ALL THESE “ASSETS” IF YOU’RE NEVER GOING TO DO ANYTHING? DO THEY NOT REALIZE YOU ACTUALLY HAVE TO GIVE SOMETHING UP TO GET SOMETHING? Listen, I’ve been at the front of the pack preaching patience, but when ALL IT TAKES IS A BAG OF BALLS TO GET A MULTIPLE TIME ALL STAR, PULL THE GOD DAMN TRIGGER!!!!!!!! YOU’D REALLY RATHER HAVE JAYSON TATUM OVER PAUL GEORGE, EVEN FOR A YEAR? JAYSON TATUM STINKS! WHAT IS THE THOUGHT PROCESS HERE? WASN’T THE WHOLE POINT OF GETTING ANOTHER FORST ROUNDER NEXT YEAR TO TRADE FOR SOMEONE GOOD? WELL THERE’S NO ONE GOOD LEFT SO WHOOPS! I’d be totally fine with this if they had just kept Fultz and committed to what they were doing. But after trading him I have absolutely ZERO confidence left. He’s just addicted to acquiring draft picks. Next year they’re going to have two top five picks and trade both of them for first rounders the year after. Then the cycle will keep repeating itself year after year. It’ll never end, the Celtics will never be good again, and they will never, ever, EVER use all of these so called assets to do anything.

The Celtics are Finally Dead

Jae Crowder

Well, that was close. I almost, almost, starting getting my hopes up. Celtics lead by 10 at the half in last night’s game 4, after winning game 3, without Isaiah Thomas. The Cavs looked like the shitty team that they were all season. They didn’t care on d. The offense was just “give it to LeBron or Kyrie and get out of the way.” Celtics were playing lockdown defense, the ball was zipping around, and they were actually making open 3s. But, the universe soon corrected itself and the Cavs won going away. Kyrie took over, proving that, despite what people may tell you, it’s possible for a team to have more than one good player. In fact, that usually what makes the good teams good. Honestly, it’s better this way. About two minutes into the second half, I could already see the end result coming, so I knew better than to start dreaming of a possible sweep of the Warriors. This series couldn’t be going better from my perspective. They got dominated so badly the first few games that it showed they weren’t just one guy away. They somehow didn’t get swept, saving some pride, but also didn’t get me too invested in their actual chances of winning the series. Now just get through game 5 without Al Horford, Jaylen Brown, Avery Bradley, or Brad Stevens suffering a life threatening injury and we’re all good. Draft Fultz and look forward to 2020. But man, what happened in game 3? Supposedly LeBron was fighting an “illness” so he sucked, but I don’t buy that for a second. Unless, of course, the “illness” is just the standard aftermath of what happens when you spend a late night out with J.R. Smith. Had the Cavs swept, there would have been nine days or something between last night and the start of the Finals. Why can’t they just move it up? Well, it’s hard to say. Maybe David Stern the league made it worth the Cavs while to drag this series out as long as possible so that all the talk about how bad and one sided these playoffs have been is quieted a little bit and to minimize the dead period. Maybe they said they’ll be even more lax on LeBron’s drug test results how frequently they sit their players next year. Maybe they told them they’ll get even more calls in the Finals than they usually do. Maybe they just told LeBron that they’ll ensure he doesn’t have to hang out with Kevin Love for a while. Either way, I’m keeping my eyes open on this. I’m officially calling the validity of game 3 into question, regardless of the fact that it benefitted me.

Of course, all of this has presented quite the dilemma: what to do with Isaiah Thomas. Next season he’s still the best bargain in the league, only making $6 million. The year after? Whooooo, baby, is he going to get a lot of money. Will it be from the Celtics? Honestly, I don’t know if I’d want to commit to him long term. Listen, he’s proved me wrong a million times on the offensive end. He can score on anyone and everyone, no matter what. And, obviously, he’s tough as nails, physically and mentally. But, he really is horrible on defense. Like, really really bad. And the way this team is currently constructed, does it really benefit them to give max money to someone who can’t play d? Last night was a perfect snapshot of what the Celtics without Isaiah look like: in the first half, everyone was playing great d, the ball was moving, and everyone was looking confident. Then, in the second half, the other team adjusted, clamped down on defense, and no one could create their own shot anymore. It was the ultimate examples of his strengths and weaknesses. That’s why, for the millionth, billionth time, I really hope they stay patient. Listen, Isaiah is great. But isn’t Markelle Fultz just a taller Isaiah? If you’re going to take someone number one overall, aren’t you expecting him to be the best player on your team? They don’t need to make an Isaiah decision just yet. If Fultz displays he has the same type of skills as Isaiah does right away and shows flashes of actually being able to play some defense, you can just trade Isaiah midseason. If he looks lost like Brandon Ingram did this year, then bite the bullet and resign Isaiah because you need at least one person who can score. My money is on Fultz being good right away. Kyrie Irving has displayed time and time again why you invest in an offensively gifted guard. He can replace Isaiah. It’ll make all the other fans unhappy, but, honestly, most Celtics fans are pretty stupid because they think a team built around Isaiah, Jimmy Butler, and Serge Ibaka can win a title. Luckily, I think Danny Ainge is smart enough to stick with his long game. It’s worked absolutely perfectly so far. Don’t throw it away for second tier stars. Please.

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