MLB Thoughts

Folks, it’s hot out there. Very hot. Whatever your favorite saying about how hot it really is definitely applies. I went to the beach thinking I might get some relief, but I was sorely mistaken. It was hot there, too. Luckily, as part of #teamsunblock, I didn’t pick up any sunburns. But the sand was like a hibachi grill. Every step was like getting stabbed by a thousand tiny knives. I wanted to amputate my feet. I still might, honestly. I got sand everywhere. I got sand in places I didn’t know I could get sand. And yet, despite that adversity, I’m still going to bring you some MLB Thoughts. I know, I know, you think I’m a hero. Listen, the real heroes are the school teachers and the baseball writers that put their beliefs over facts keep the game sacred. I’m just a guy with blazing hot MLB takes. But I can see how you would get it confused.

• Ever since the Most Perfect Baseball Player Ever Mike Trout tragically passed away (on to the disabled list), we’ve been left with a power vacuum at the top of the league. “Who’s the best player in the league now?” Is it Clayton Kershaw? Bryce Harper? Perhaps Aaron Judge? Well, after looking over the facts, my mind is made up. Without a doubt, the best player in the league is currently Pablo Sandoval.
• This is the third MLB Thoughts. Thus, it’s the third time I’m going to gloat about correctly predicted that the Rockies would be good this year. Don’t like it? Write to your local representative and ask him to make the Rockies stop winning games.
• I wish the Red Sox offense would stop sucking.
• I’m not usually a victim of small sample sizes, but I think Aaron Judge is pretty strong.
• Why are the Twins good? They have the exact same team as last year when they lost a million games. I don’t get how they’re in first place.
• I didn’t think they’d really have any competition, but the AL Central is giving the NL East a serious run for its money for the Worst Division Crown.
• Speaking of why are they good and AL Central, how does Jason Vargas have a 2.18 ERA? Guy stinks.
• Speaking yet again of why are they good, what’s up with Zack Cozart? His career high OPS was .769. He’s at 1.018 this year. He’s already got a career high in WAR, too. Forget Scooter Gennett, any random drug testers headed towards Cincinnati need to make a beeline for Cozart’s locker.
• God, this Houston Astros super team is ruining the league. I mean, they’re just destroying everyone else in the league. Everyone knows they’re going to wind up in the World Series. Where’s the fun in that? I miss the 90s when it was more competitive. Sure, teams like the Yankees and Braves were dominant every year, but they had to fight more for it! The old guys were tougher! They didn’t just shoot 3s all the time! Sorry, I kind of blacked out for a second, there.
• Aww, Manny Machado was spiked in the wrist and might go to the DL now? Why do bad things always happen to good people?
• It would be the most Cubs thing ever if, after finally breaking through and winning the World Series, the turn around and miss the playoffs the next year with the exact same roster. Seriously, what’s going on with them? Was Dexter Fowler really that important? Every time the look like they’re ready to turn the corner, they lose three in a row or four out of five. And I know he’s everyone’s favorite fat guy (I love him, too, btw), but Schwarber has been bruuuuutalllll all season. Their numbers (particularly Bryant’s) are still pretty good, but something just seems off with the Kris Bryant-Anthony Rizzo tag team. They were a dynamic force all year last season, and there’s only been flashes of it this year. Guess it doesn’t help that both Jake Arrieta and Jon Lester both have ERAs over 4.
• As we get into the dogs days of summer and there becomes a dearth of good talking points, expect there to be a lot of lamenting about how baseball is becoming more and more focused on the Three True Outcomes (strikeout, walk, home run). Strikeout rates continue to increase every year, home run rates are at their highest since the Steroid Era, and walk rates will increase as the value of on base percentage over batting average continues to grow. There’s going to be a lot of Goose Gossage-types who will come out of the woodwork and say that Back in Their Day, people actually put the ball in play and defense mattered. They will then say that they could have dominated in this era, even though the likes of Joe Kelly (Joe Kelly) can hit 100+ on the radar gun and some of the closers these days are almost literally impossible to hit against.
• I also don’t get how the Giants can possibly be this bad. I mean, when you’re dead last in the league in runs scored (the Padres don’t count for the runs scored ranking anymore, since they’ve finished 30th out of 30 for 25 straight years), I guess that’ll lead to a lot of losses.
• So, is the Phillies’ rebuild just going to be permanent or what? I get the Astros kind of ruined it for everyone else when they went from awful to great overnight a few years ago, but the Phillies have stunk for multiple years now. I don’t think Phillies’ fans would be too out of line to start expecting some results fairly soon.
• Alright Yankees fans, I’ll acknowledge that the team is good. Maybe even legitimately good. But if you think I’m going to talk about how they just murder the Red Sox in back to back games, you’re sorely mistaken.
• Just realized I never weighed in on the Bryce Harper v. Hunter Strickland fight. I don’t have a take I just realized I never actually talked about it.
• MLB The Show 17 update: after grinding through an eternity in Tampa Bay, I finally hit free agency. I signed with Colorado because all I really care about are stats. Well, I’ve hit 120 combined homers in the first two years, so I think it’s going to work out just fine.
• I realize they have good intentions, but the Reds’ camo jerseys are very bad.
• The Rays’ “fauxback” jerseys are very good. Now someone please get Tropicana Field out of my sight forever.
• Breaking News: The Mets stink.
• Need more mascot race highlights. Haven’t had enough of them this year.