It’s that time of year again. The first day of summer, yes, but more importantly, it’s NBA Draft night. I think my favorite thing about the NBA Draft is how it happens a week after the season ends. What a novel concept! If only the NFL could learn from that. I guess they couldn’t keep up the illusion that there’s no off-season, then. Anyway, the NBA Draft is great television. There’s drama, there’s comedy, there’s some great suits and some bad suits, there’s lots of fun to be had on Twitter, and there’s terrible Kings decisions. What’s not to love? Unfortunately, a long streak is about to be broken, as this will be the first time in at least ten years where I will be unable to watch the draft live. I won’t even have access to my phone for the majority of it. :(. Local pizza places are lucky that they get the night off. But before you weep for me too much, you should know that my extensive network of NBA sources have already informed me of everything that will happen, so nothing will surprise me. Still, even without the typical drama, there’s still plenty to talk about.
Worst Things the Kings Will Do
- Draft Michael Porter, Jr. 2nd overall- Back injuries always heal perfectly, especially when they start so young.
- Drafting Marvin Bagley 2nd overall- Offensive savant, rebounding beast, doesn’t play a lick of D. Man, the Kings definitely haven’t had anyone like that in a while. And if they theoretically did have someone like that, they obviously had a long and healthy relationship with them.
- Drafting Mo Bamba 2nd overall- Exclusive video of Mo Bamba’s explosive private workout.
- Not drafting Luka Doncic 2nd overall- Hold this thought.
- Doing anything- Let’s be honest. The Kings should be either be seized by the league or just contracted.
Players I Like
- Luka Doncic, Slovenia- Having watched precisely 3 highlight videos, I’m all-in on Luka. By all-in I think he’ll be a very good NBA player, make a couple All Star teams, and be really fun to watch. I don’t want him ruined.
- Deandre Ayton, Arizona- Strong take, I know.
- Marvin Bagley, Duke- As long as it’s not Sacramento.
- Kevin Knox, Kentucky- Fat face aside, he’s a really good modern scorer.
- Mo Bamba, Texas- I’m always hesitant to buy into workout-hype, but it seems like, if nothing else, it’ll be impossible for him not to be a defensive force.
- Mikal Bridges, Villanova- Won’t be a star, but is a perfect role player.
- Trae Young, Oklahoma- Count me among those who think shooting will be easier when he has good teammates.
- Lonnie Walker IV, Miami- Could be a steal, could be out of the league in four years. In the late lottery I’ll gladly take that chance.
Trades That Could Happen
- Kawhi to the Sixers
- Kawhi to the Celtics
- Kawhi to the Lakers
- Kawhi to the Suns?
- Celtics move up to take Bamba or Luka
- Kings trade 2nd overall for Nene
- Mavs trade down because they think they’re one piece away
- Kemba traded to Cavs or Sixers (please not Cavs. LeBron already screwed over one of my college heroes, don’t need him to abandon the other one, too)
Places I Want Doncic to Go
- Not Sacramento
- Any NBA franchise no located in NoCal
- Any team that doesn’t have purple as a primary color
- Not Sacramento
- Not Dallas
Players I Like Less
- Michael Porter, Jr., Mizzou- That back, man.
- Jerome Robinson, BC- Anytime a Boston College basketball player is an unexpected late riser, I’m out 100% of the time.
- Collin Sexton, Alabama- He’s just like Russell Westbrook, only four inches shorter, way less athletic, and a worse shooter! Sign me up!
- Miles Bridges, Michigan State- What is he actually good at?
- Mo Bamba, Texas- If he goes to Sacramento might as well just make him retire tomorrow.
Who Will Be Best Dressed (Could Backfire Since I Have No Idea Who’s Wearing What)
- Luka Doncic- You know he’ll have that Euro style.
- Collin Sexton- Purely because he won’t want anyone to say someone was better dressed than him.
- Wendell Carter, Jr.- Just feel like he’ll have some heat.
- Any Puma guy- I think I’m on-board the Puma hype train. I, too, am declaring my eligibility for a Puma sponsorship. Don’t know how they haven’t given Doncic a 51% controlling stake in the company to try and sign him, yet. I’m pretty sure every Eastern European baby is born into a Puma swaddling blanket.
Who Will Be Worst Dressed
- Trae Young- Unless he shaves his head that hair eliminates him from contention.
- Michael Porter, Jr.- If anyone’s going to try something crazy and not pull it off, it’s MPJ.
- Donte DiVincenzo- It’s not his fault. It’s just his role as the token white guy.
- Robert Williams- I’m probably 100% wrong but I don’t see him as fashionable.
- Jerome Robinson- Just do yourself a favor and don’t draft Jerome Robinson.
Since I Haven’t Mentioned Him Yet
- Jaren Jackson, Jr., Michigan State- Pretty lukewarm on him.
Teams Guaranteed to Make Smart Moves
- Golden State
Teams Guaranteed to Make Dumb Moves
- Vlade Divac
Late First Round/ Second Round Guys I Like
- Jalen Brunson, Villanova
- Bruce Brown, Miami
- Malik Newman, Kansas
- Devonte’ Graham, Kansas
- Gary Trent, Jr., Duke
- Landry Shamet, Wichita State
Most Perfect Player Fits
- Luka Doncic to Phoenix Suns
- Mikal Bridges to Philadelphia 76ers
- Trae Young to Atlanta Hawks
- Wendell Carter to Chicago Bulls
- Kevin Knox to Denver Nuggets
- Mo Bamba to Boston Celtics
Michael Porter, Jr. to Sacramento Kings
- Jaren Jackson, Jr. to Memphis Grizzlies
Think that’s about all I got. Could be a huge night that shakes up the balance of (second-place) power in the NBA, could be a regular draft without any big moves. Either way, there’s one thing that’s certain: whoever the Kings take is going to be a bust.