Month: June 2018

RIP Anthony Bourdain

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If you hadn’t heard already, legendary television host, chef, traveller, and author Anthony Bourdain committed suicide this morning at the age of 61. Normally I don’t really cover celebrity deaths unless they actually meant something to me. Anthony Bourdain meant something to me. Meant a lot to me, actually.

It’s a trivial thing, but I played football in high school, and every summer during two-a-days I would find a random show to watch in-between sessions. It helped me decompress and develop a (somewhat) soothing routine that kind of got me through some rough weeks. My sophomore year (first year of double sessions), it was American Chopper. Junior year it was Bizarre Foods. Senior year it was No Reservations. I had seen various promos for No Reservations before, but never actually tuned in. I had seen food shows and travel shows before, why would this be any different? It turns out it was way different than anything I had ever watched. The way he talked, the way he interacted with the environment around him just spoke to me. It felt like it was a real couple days in the life of a traveller, not another heavily scripted reality show.

I was hooked instantly, and, the more I watched No Reservations and Parts Unknown the more I considered Bourdain an idol of mine. I had always loved food and been interested in traveling, but he stoked a desire to experience the world through food that still exists today (even if I’m too poor scared to actually act on it). The way he could naturally bond with everyone around him and his complete openness to try new things were kind of a blueprint for how I, an extreme introvert with the people skills of a paper bag, could theoretically live my life. He made the world seem like a less scary place, and he showed that, regardless of where you live or what language you speak or what food you eat, everyone’s really just looking for the same thing. Which, of course, was the entire point of the show.

And more than anything, he was just so cool. He might have been one of the five coolest guys to ever live. Which just shows what a bear depression really is. I won’t insult people who are really suffering by saying I know exactly how they feel, but I know how hard it is to deal with. It’s not real depression or anything, but I frequently deal with bouts of overwhelming sadness and self-doubt, but since I’m too scared or embarrassed to talk to other people about it, it just kind of festers for a few days. Again, I’ve never been suicidal or felt like there was no way out of the tunnel, but I still sympathize with anyone who feels crushed by the weight of the world. Don’t be like me. If you’re ever feeling low, or trapped, or scared that there’s only one way to end the pain, reach out to someone. There are countless suicide prevention hotlines out there you can call. Or better yet, talk to a friend or family member. Sometimes it’s good to just talk to someone you know. You might think you’re burdening them, but believe me, anyone who cares about you would never think that way. No one should ever feel like there’s no way out.

RIP Anthony Bourdain.

Are the NBA Finals Actually Still Going On?

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Remember when there were NBA Finals games on? I don’t! No, seriously, I don’t remember. Someone needs to remind me what happened. How many games have there been? Is the league still ruined or has it been so long since the last game that the h8trs have a new anti-NBA narrative? Is LeBron Jr. in the league yet?

Look, I get it. I wasted my college years learning about media and TV, so I understand the league wants to optimize ratings and put out a quality, fatigue-unaffected product. But three days in between every game? Really? Who does that benefit? I guess J.R. is happy, but that has to be it. I mean it’s not like they need to let this series marinate and build drama. I think we all know what the end result is going to be. It’s honestly cruel and unusual punishment for LeBron, at this point. Every added off-day is another day he has to spend employed by the Cleveland Cavaliers and pretend to enjoy Jordan Clarkson’s company. The NBA should be able to flex these games. The day after each game Adam Silver should call up Steph, Klay, Draymond, and KD and ask them if they feel like trying next game, and if the answer is yes, just move the game up a day. I’m sure LeBron would love to just get this thing over with. You can only be Sisyphus so many times before you break. If the Warriors feel like winning, just let LeBron know beforehand so he can kind of take it easy and leave all these bums out to dry a little bit. Let them know how he feels. Adding all these off-days only lets him build hope, which leads to another 48-minute night, which means his body will break down in 2048 instead of 2050, robbing everyone. Do the humane thing, Adam Silver, and stop putting three months in between Finals games.

Boban Marjanovic Added to the Cast of John Wick 3

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source– Los Angeles Clippers center Boban Marjanović has joined the cast of John Wick: Chapter 3, multiple sources have told Collider.

Representatives for Lionsgate and Marjanović did not immediately respond to requests for comment.

Chad Stahelski returns to direct the sure-to-be action-packed sequel, which will feature the Serbian basketball star as an assassin, according to sources. His gigantic hands could end up posing a problem for our badass hero. Marjanović stands an imposing 7 feet, 3 inches, and he previously played for the San Antonio Spurs and the Detroit Pistons.

Alright, I’m trying not to overreact, here. I really am. But John Wick 3 is going to be the greatest movie ever made. It literally can’t fail. They already added Halle Berry, Jason Mantzoukas, and beast Hiroyuki Sanada to the star-studded Wickverse. But now the spiritual successor to Andre the Giant? Dear lord.

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I’m a known Wick stan. Before I saw John Wick 2, I ranked John Wick as the third best action movie character of all time. I never updated my list on here, but believe me, I’ve got a running list. And J-Wick is making a run at the McClane crown, which I thought was impossible. And if he can take down Boban? We might have to start a serious dialogue about who the GOAT is.

Boban was born for this. I honestly can’t believe this hasn’t happened sooner. He’s got the look, he’s got the personality, he’s got the star power. He was destined to be a lead henchman/bodyguard/intimidating assassin/giant with a heart of gold. This is a potential film goldmine, and it’s really no surprise that the John Wick team is who discovered it. It doesn’t even matter if he’s a good actor or not. Just stand there and be Boban and it’s a home run. The only concern would be that he’s too nice, but if you just show him some footage of kittens and puppies being abused and tell him John Wick did it, I think it’ll work out fine.

So now the question is how is Boban used, here? We know John’s on the run from the Continental and the entire assassin world, so is Boban friend or foe? I think the easy reaction is to assume he’ll be a bit character used to show the diverse assassin pool and he’ll get quickly eliminated, but I think that’d be a waste. I think Boban starts off coming for John’s head, but after chasing him through some presumably Eastern European backstreets, develops a level of respect and the two form a deep bond. We’ve seen One-Man-Army John Wick before (and it always plays), but how about buddy cop John Wick? Wick and Boban going back-to-back, facing down an army of assassins, then taking out the trash (I’m not worldly enough to know the state of European streets, but I’m going to assume they’re a little cleaner than New York City streets, which are filthy. Yes, I do live in New York City, how did you know? Why yes, that does make me better than you) (Sorry, I’m trying to develop my superiority complex now that I’ve been here a couple months) (The streets are bad, though. I’ve already been desensitized to seeing used condoms on the sidewalk). That’s what I want to see. Then when Keanu wants to hang up the black suit? Boban’s there to assume the mantle and keep the franchise going. Sure, he’d use a more physical, less poetic fighting style, but you can work with that. Maybe ratchet up the comedy and somehow increase the absurdity. Boban Wick makes at least $500 million, you can’t tell me otherwise. I can see the vision, here, and I pity anyone who can’t. Now someone go out and get a extra large shipment of No. 2 Ticonderogas.