Monday Thoughts, Week 4

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Welcome to the week 4 edition of Monday Thoughts™. Hopefully you know the drill by now, since it’s a pretty simple segment to grasp. Yuuuge week in the National Football League, by why just tell you about it when I can insert sponsored tweets sent by official accounts?

  • I’m not going to gloat, because excitement over a week 4 win against the Dolphins is beneath me, but I hope everyone realized how right I was/am about this Patriots’ season. Literally the only question left league-wide is who’s playing them in the Super Bowl.
  • If only the Pats had playmakers!
  • Someone get Brady some weapons, already!
  • This Michel guy stinks! What a bust!
  • Live look at the hatersgiphy
  • Kind of feel bad for the Falcons. Still haven’t recovered from the time they were leading the Patriots 28-3 in the third quarter of the Super Bowl. My heart goes out to them.
  • This guy is an NFL QB and NOT a tertiary punching bag in an 80s high school movie
  • No team benefitted more from the switch from Reebok to Nike than the Bengals. The orange shoulder pads were made slightly smaller and it turned them into a bottom-five jersey to somewhere in the middle of the pack. Always had a top-five helmet, though.
  • Hilarious TD. Cramps or whatever it was will never not be funny when they happen to someone else.
  • If every member of the Falcons’ offense besides Julio Jones turns up dead in a ditch somewhere, I think Julio is to blame. He’s totally not mad that he never scores TDs. Matter of fact, it’s funny to him. He’s actually laughing.
  • Turns out Josh Allen does, in fact, stink. Who would have known?
  • Yung GOAT went 16/33 for 151 yards 0 tds and 2 picks against a pretty bad defense. What the hell happened against Minnesota?
  • (Actually, been asking what happened to Minnesota a lot this season….)
  • I feel like you should get seven points if you intercept an Aaron Rodgers pass, especially if you’re a stinky team.
  • Glad LeBron finally followed his passion and joined the NFL, amirite???
  • I feel like the traditionalists dislike the Packers’ Acme throwbacks since they’re not green, but I kind of like them. Not enough wacky jerseys in the NFL. Gotta be hell on the equipment staff who have to take the helmet decals off every helmet only to put them back on a week later.buffalo-bills-v-green-bay-packers-5bb1551114db2f821e000001
  • There’s something comforting in knowing that the Bills’ official post-game wrap up is sponsored by an electrical contracting company. Something fancier wouldn’t suit Buffalo.
  • I think Mitchell Trubisky was listening to the haters/playing the worst pass defense of all time. Six TDs from a Bears QB? In this economy?
  • Let’s check in on the Bears’ Twitter graphics
  • Good looking pirate.
  • Now that Fitzmagic is rightly over for 2018, I no longer have any interest in Bucs games outside funny Jameis Winston plays. Nothing can capture the pure thrill and ecstasy you feel when in the throes of Fitzmagic.
  • The Titans are going to win 11 games and it’s going to make no sense whatsoever.
  • I’ve still got some of my Mariota stock left. Better buy in now before the price goes way up.
  • Decent celly
  • Honestly don’t know how the Eagles lost. Felt like Wentz was doing whatever he wanted the whole game. Guess they just got intimidated by Mike Vrabel. Can’t say I blame them.
  • Jets STINK. I only thought there’d be one 1-15 team in the AFC East, but turns out we’re gonna have two. Good thing their one win came in the Super Bowl, though.
  • The more teams Blake Bortles shreds to pieces, the better I’ll feel about the Pats D. The real test will come when he faces the Bills’ lockdown defense, of course.
  • Jags shouldn’t go all white. Just kind of looks off. Needs some teal
  • If there isn’t a Dick’s Wings and Grill on every street corner in Jacksonville something’s wrong. Does Jacksonville have streets? I just kind of picture a never ending strip mall.
  • Speaking of jerseys teams shouldn’t wear:yikes.
  • Golden Tate celebrating long before entering the end zone will always be funny
  • The year is sometime between 1954 and 2018:
  • I’m choosing to mostly ignore the victorious Cowboys because they are trying to literally bore me to death, but I will say that Dak Prescott threw for over 200 yards today, so he’s almost an NFL quarterback again!
  • Yes, Andrew Luck had a massive game and almost singlehandedly dragged the Colts to a win before losing in overtime to a winless opponent. If you think that means I’ll say he’s good you’ve got another thing coming.
  • Sick throw, though
  • Respect the GOAT
  • Remember when he won three titles with the Pats? I do. It was awesome.
  • R.I.P. people of Houston, part 4
  • Didn’t realize KeKe Coutee was in the league. People forget he played with God Mahomes in college (just kidding, people don’t forget that. Mostly because literally only I knew it in the first place).
  • Deshaun Watson is no longer done. Thus is the law of the NFL.
  • Me when someone tries to get me to watch Seahawks-C*******s
  • Good to know the new-era Browns are still the Browns.
  • Imagine thinking one person can tackle Marshawn Lynch
  • Pretty brutal game by the refs in this one, but it’s good to know they got the important calls right
  • Blatant call, folks. Don’t know what to tell you neanderthals who don’t want to protect the QBs.
  • Always liked Arden Key because of Ardyn from Final Fantasy XV, which I loved but the hardo Final Fantasy purists say isn’t great. They’re wrong, and that’s my final say on the matter.
  • When did Jared Cook become good? Talk about weird.
  • Another dece celly
  • Raiders football! Catch the fever!
  • Can’t believe CJ Beathard scored 27 points in an NFL game.
  • Love lumbering white guy long touchdowns
  • I know the people of L.A. couldn’t be bothered to actually go, but I like the StubHub Center and think the Chargers should stay and not move in with the Rams. I like the small, intimate feeling it gives. The Chargers also shouldn’t be in a hurry to add 60,000 empty seats to their bill.
  • Yikes
  • Derwin James is good. Very good.
  • Michael Thomas and Alvin Kamara only combined for nine catches. Needless to say I was quite upset.
  • Alvin Kamara: good
  • Saints’ Color Rush jersey rating: 9/10
  • Saints have the second best offense in the league and a sort-of-improving defense, but they lost in week one so they’re disqualified from playoff contention. I don’t make the rules.
  • It’s been four weeks. I’m finally ready to comment on NBC’s new Sunday Night Football intro song. I don’t like it. The one from the last couple years stunk too, but it was better than this. Why they ditched the absolute BANGER that was “Waiting All Day for Sunday Night” I’ll never know.
  • Football intro song power ranking: 1. Waiting All Day 2. Are You Ready for Some Football (Jason Derulo/ Florida Georgia Line remix) 3. Are You Ready for Some Football (original) 4. CBS music 5. Fox music 6. Ohh Sunday Night (don’t know official name) 7. It’s Sunday Night (don’t know official name).
  • America Idol Winner power ranking: 1. Kelly Clarkson 2. Taylor Hicks 3. Carrie Underwood 4. Phil Phillips 5. Scottie McCreery
  • Americal Idol non-Winner power ranking: 1. Daughtry 2. Sanjaya Malakar 3. Bo Bice 4. Casey Abrams 5. Pia Toscano
  • I’m not used to Joe Flacco being efficient. Maybe Lamar Jackson finally lit a fire under his Joe Cool ass.
  • Steelers are such hot trash. People actually thought they would win the Super Bowl this year.
  • What the hell?
  • I get easily triggered by This is Us commercials, mostly because I’ve only watched episode when I was sitting on the floor in a state of shock after the Super Bowl some random February night and I didn’t have the energy to change the channel. All I know is that the dad died in a house fire. Spoiler alert, sorry.
  • I’m already getting annoyed at the inevitable Ravens-Pats playoff game. I think this might be the one that kills me.
  • This might be a hot take, but I have to throw it out there: I love NFL Sundays more than pretty much anything in the entire world. Feels good to get it off my chest.
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