Monday Thoughts Week 12

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Hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving weekend. I know the NFL did. Plenty of good games and the Giants lost, killing the “run the table” narrative that would have suffocated America before it really got going. Can’t ask for a better digestif for your Thanksgiving meal. Important week as we approach Scenario SZN, so, naturally, this is an important edition of Monday Thoughts™.

  • If you thought that because the Thanksgiving games were included in the weekly picks they’d be included in Monday Thoughts™, you thought wrong, friend.
  • Guess I should mention that Texans’ owner Bob McNair died, but did anyone actually like him? Pretty sure every player hated him. RIP in peace.
  • Pats are back, but, more importantly, Gronk is back
  • Pats committed a holding penalty the play before, and instead of declining the penalty and making it 4th down, Todd Bowles decided to accept it and give Tom Brady another chance. I was just as surprised they scored as you were, believe me.
  • Josh McCown hurt his thumb and they did a close up of it as he walked off the field there was a perfect outline of his penis. I tried very hard to find a clip but came up empty. I may have been put on some kind of watchlist, though.
  • McCown is addicted to getting helicoptered
  • Cordarrelle Patterson: WWE heel
  • This was a very penis-centric game. Even more so than a normal NFL game.
  • Jameis didn’t throw any interceptions this week, thus sucking all the fun out of the Niners-Bucs game.
  • Beginning to think there was a legitimate reason Nick Mullens was the Niners’ third-string QB.
  • We don’t talk about Mike Evans enough
  • He’s really good. Still remember him from the Johnny Football era
  • I was so wrapped up in Johnny Mania. The most must-watch athlete of my college years.
  • Adam Humphries- sneaky quick
  • Is it just me or does it seem like the Bucs have played 20 games this season? Probably just me.
  • I’m willing to call the Bengals the worst team in the league.
  • Baker is already the best QB to wear the orange and brown since they returned to Cleveland.
  • I swear that pushing your teammates to gain yards was outlawed not that long ago
  • Big time revenge game for the Browns against erstwhile head coach Hue Jackson. Damarious Randall remembers him fondly this holiday season
  • Baker was less charitable
  • Browns are hot. Hottest they’ve been since the Mesozoic Era.
  • America thanks you, Eagles. Not for they way you play, or anything. For beating the Giants.
  • This put the Giants up 19-3 and they lost
  • Blowing a lead to this Eagles team is pretty bad. They quit if they get off the bus wrong.
  • Michael Bennett’s jersey has to violate some part of the uniform policy
  • As far as I can tell, the record for catches by a tight end in a season is 102 by Tony Gonzalez in 2004. Zach Ertz has 84 through 11 games, putting him on pace for 122. Just something to watch.
  • I hate the Eagles’ black jerseys. Don’t really care what the public opinion of them is.
  • Jags-Bills was, predictably, an affront to my eyeballs.
  • It did have the return of the Yung GOAT, though
  • 8/19, look out league.
  • Not sure why the Bills went with the throwback logo on the helmet, but I’m not complaining.
  • Despite what the haters are saying, I am not enjoying this Jags’ collapse at all. It makes me sick to my stomach to see this group of hard-working, humble, determined guys struggle to win games. They had such a bright future.
  • JK I love each successive Jaguars loss.
  • I was going to ask why Gus Edwards has consecutive 100+ yard rushing games but then I realized the Ravens have played the Bengals and Raiders these last two weeks.
  • This game was boring as shit, but the Ravens have very good Color Rush jerseys
  • (This man will never post T-Sizzle highlights. Never.)
  • Seahawks are getting dangerously close to “team no one wants to play” territory.
  • Panthers are entering “team everyone wants to play” territory.
  • If you ask the Panthers to stop running reverses to Curtis Samuel, you’re going to be disappointed in the answer
  • Christian McCaffrey had a massive game. 125 yards rushing. 11 catches, 112 yards receiving. Two TDs. He also set white skill guys back 20 years by getting caught from behind on this run
  • Come on, man! How am I supposed to explain to my son that his hero didn’t score because he’s only deceptively athletic, not actually athletic? Think about the next generation.
  • Seahawks’ receivers spend the entire week practicing cellys
  • Russell Wilson’s having one of those seasons where every game results in a 4th quarter comeback
  • I refuse to believe David Moore only has 22 caches this season. He scores every game.
  • I wonder if all parties involved could recreate this if they were given 1,000 chances
  • Considering how little I trust pretty much every NFC team, I’m going to say the Seahawks are going to be playing in the conference title game. Actually, I guarantee it.
  • The Chargers obviously beat the hell out of the C*******s, but I’ve got a serious problem with something that happened during the game. Phil Rivers started the game with 25 straight completed passes, a new record. If he got to 26, it would be an NFL record for most consecutive completions at any point in a game/games. I can’t find the video for some reason, but the Chargers called a like, nine step drop with a terrible route combination for what would have been completion number 26 in a row. It had no chance. How did they do my man Phil like that? How does no one buzz the offensive coordinator and tell him to call a quick screen or something? Hasn’t Phil done enough for San Diego Los Angeles to get some courtesy from his coaches? The Chargers screwed Phil out of an NFL record for no reason whatsoever. SMH.
  • Fire jerseys, though
  • Ryan Tannehill is back just in time to put together some decent stat lines so people start thinking next year is The Year.
  • This game is exactly why I’m an Andrew Luck hater. This was back-to-back passes
  • This doesn’t work against real teams. Sure, you can get away with this against the Dolphins or Alex Smith Chiefs, but when you get to actual competition (i.e., the Pats) these mistakes are murder. But the final statline looked good so it’s okay and he’s great.
  • Turns out Eric Ebron’s just a late bloomer
  • See guys, not everyone succeeds right away. Sometimes it takes people a few years after college to really find their footing. Maybe even longer. Just because other people from their class are building fulfilling careers and putting that hard earned education to work doesn’t mean someone’s a failure if they aren’t. You know, not everyone has a website a few dozen people read, so who’s really succeeding, anyway? Wait, are we still talking about Ebron?
  • Score one more for the “Broncos are kind of good” crowd. Oh, you weren’t part of it? Only I was? Huh. Imagine not being a football genius (I know I didn’t pick them this week but whatever).
  • Not that I was nervous in any way about them, but games like this put me more at ease that the Same Old Steelers will lose to the Pats when it counts.
  • Classic Philly Special
  • Hope AB wasn’t watching when Juju went 97 yards for the second straight season
  • Think I say this every week, but this is legitimately one of the five worst throws I’ve ever seen
  • Broncos are kind of like the AFC Cowboys. Nothing really happens during their games but they manage to be okay.
  • I guess today was Color Rush day, or something. Broncos should switch to these helmets full-time
  • I’m not sure if I’ve ever gone into this before, but I know I’ve thought about it a million times- how did Pepsi become the official soft drink of the NFL? Was this a Steph Curry-Nike situation and Coke called them the AFL or something in the pitch? I know there are the hipsters out there who prefer Pepsi, but let’s be real here- the NFL can’t associate itself with a second-class product. Coke is bigger and better, and the fact that the NFL has to slap a Pepsi logo on the Super Bowl halftime show is way worse for the league than CTE. Dr. Pepper is the best of the Big 3, don’t @ me.
  • While it’s tempting to just say every non-Aaron Rodgers aspect of the Packers’ organization is bad without giving any blame to the supposed best quarterback of all time, I think both can be applicable. Mike McCarthy is a bad coach. Their defense is bad. Their skill guys are alright, but not world-altering. But Aaron Rodgers just kind of sucks, sometimes. Last night he was bad. No one will say it, but he was bad. He probably cost them the game and likely cost them the playoffs, again. But he’s better than Brady, who’s suddenly looking at a first round bye for the thousandth year in a row.
  • What happened to Xavier Rhodes? Wasn’t he an All-Pro, like, last year? Now they’re talking about him on the broadcast like he can’t cover anyone one-on-one.
  • This play reminds me of freshman football back in high school
  • Whenever a punt was short or non-returnable (pretty much always) we yelled “poison” to make everyone get away from the ball. One time there was a “poison” call and a kid ran towards the ball, tried to pick it up, and lost the ball. I just remember the coach screaming in a very defeated dad voice “poison, Joey, poison!” It was funny, believe me. Also lead to an all time locker room rant.
  • Every Stefon Diggs catch either goes for 35 yards or less than five
  • Adam Thielen: Gritty
  • The Vikings seem to be back in some semblance of control over their playoff destiny. The Packers are out barring a miracle. I fully expect the Packers to make the playoffs and the Vikings to miss, just because that’s usually how things work for these franchises.

That’ll do it for this edition of Monday Thoughts™. Unfortunately, I will be unable to watch tonight’s thrilling Titans-Texans game since I’ll be seeing Creed II in one of the new Dolby Cinema theaters. I know, I can’t believe I would intentionally miss such an interesting game, either.

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