Category: Animals

Peter Thiel is Funding an Effort to Revive the Wooly Mammoth

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source– PayPal billionaire and Gawker war-wager Peter Thiel has invested $100,000 in a research effort to resurrect the woolly mammoth.

Thiel, who believes that viewing death as inevitable is a sign of “complacency of the western world”, gave the money to Harvard University genomics professor George Church, whose laboratory is attempting to revive the extinct pachyderm.

The donation, detailed for the first time in a new book by Ben Mezrich called Woolly: The True Story of the Quest to Revive One of History’s Most Iconic Extinct Creatures, was made in 2015.

The de-extinction approach taken by Church and his team will sound familiar to Jurassic Park fans: they are taking DNA extracted from frozen mammoths and using it to genetically modify elephant cells. So far, according to the book, the team has managed to get mammoth fur to grow from the side of a mouse grafted with some elephant cells. The results have yet to be published in any scientific papers.

I have a couple of thoughts about all of this. The chief one is that I hope this works. Wooly Mammoths are awesome and I’d love to see one in real life. Plus, it would open the door up to bringing dinosaurs back. It may sound scary to some, but I’d be all for it. If the last thing I ever saw was the gaping maw of some massive dino looking for an afternoon snack, I wouldn’t be all that upset. At my funeral everyone would just be talking about how I was eaten by a dinosaur and how it’s a badass way to go out. I’d finally have that street cred I so desperately crave.

My second thought kind of piggybacks off of that, but I hate Peter Thiel. And not for any political reason or anything like that. Politics have no place in the Brian’s Den. I’m talking about this:

It’s not entirely surprising Thiel wants to bring a mammal back from the dead. According to several interviews, Thiel sees death as a terrible inconvenience that needs disrupting.

“Almost every human being who has ever lived is dead. Solving this problem is the most natural, humane, and important thing we could possibly do,” he is quoted as saying on the website of the SENS Foundation, a charity Thiel funds that approaches aging as a disease in need of a cure.

In 2015 he continued on his warpath against human fragility.

“I’ve always had this really strong sense that death was a terrible, terrible thing,” he told the Washington Post, “Most people end up compartmentalizing, and they are in some weird mode of denial and acceptance about death, but they both have the result of making you very passive. I prefer to fight it.”

Thiel’s “fight” involves investing millions in biotechnology and artificial intelligence in what he has called “the immortality project”. His investment firm Thiel Capital has, according to Inc, expressed an interest in a company called Ambrosia, which is running a trial where individuals can pay $8,000 to receive a blood transfusion from a teenager in the hope that it will restore some youthful vigour. According to the company Thiel is not a client. Yet.

He has also signed up with cryogenics company Alcor to be deep-frozen at the time of his death in the hope that he too can be resurrected.

Say what? You want to cure death? Count me out. Who the hell wants to live forever? What would be the point of ever doing anything if death wasn’t always looming on the horizon? Not to mention the boredom. I haven’t even come close to hitting 30 yet and I’m kind of ready to start wrapping things up. This isn’t Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, there’s no elixir of life. This cure for death doesn’t say anything about staying young, just regaining some vitality. You’d just be an old person forever. Has he even put any thought into this? Has he never seen a movie or show? How has he never once heard about the curse of immortality? This is the worst idea ever, and I’m glad he’s out on an island with this.

My last thought is that this is exactly the kind of stuff I’d do if when I’m a billionaire. Just pay anything into existence. Oh, you want wooly mammoths back? Okay. What’s that? You want a yacht that’s more valuable than most countries’ GDP? Sure thing. Want to buy an entire town and turn it into your personal playhouse? I’m in. I just wouldn’t be a pussy about like Thiel, though. Like, $100,000 dude? You’re a billionaire, that’s not gonna get it done. You think $100,000 is going to cure death? Seriously? Like, if I make multiple billions of dollars, I’d be pretty confident I could make another billion at some point. So, if I really, really, really wanted the wooly mammoth back, I’d throw a billi at it. I’d make the mammoth an offer it couldn’t refuse. It’d be left with no choice but to come back. And then, as the guy that brought wooly mammoths back, I’d just start making money with that. I’d go on tour, I’d sell shirts, I’d charge admission to the petting zoo I created in my backyard. I’d trademark the wooly mammoth so fast it would make your head spin. I don’t know why Peter Thiel is afraid of success, but I guess he’s too busy worrying about not dying.

Bees are Dying at an Alarming Rate, and they May have Found the Cause

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source– The largest study so far on the fraught question of whether neonicotinoid pesticides harm bees is providing new ammunition for those who argue against the use of the controversial chemicals.

The large-scale field study found that overall, exposure to neonicotinoids harms bee populations. In particular, the pesticides reduce honeybees’ ability to survive their winter hibernation, say researchers.

“We’re showing significant negative effects at critical life-cycle stages, which is a cause for concern,” says Richard Pywell, who studies sustainable land management at the Centre for Ecology and Hydrology near Wallingford, UK, and is co-author of a paper resulting from the experiment, published on 29 June in Science.

However, the work was mainly funded by two major neonicotinoid makers, Bayer CropScience and Syngenta. They question the scientists’ conclusions and defend the pesticides, which are already banned or restricted in several countries. The researchers who did the work say they were totally independent.

So, it all comes full circle. For years, anyone who wanted to be zany and different would hold up signs saying “Bees are Dying at an Alarming Rate” at games or concerts or something. It became an internet punchline, an anti-joke that always seemed appropriate. Well, at long, last, there’s a cause. And surprise, surprise. Chemtrails are to blame.

Now, I know the study never mentioned Chemtrails. It says the harmful pesticides is applied to the seeds before planting. But I can put two and two together. This has Chemtrails written all over it. After I infiltrated the Denver Airport, I’m kind of an expert on conspiracies now. I can sniff them out from a mile away. For those of you too ignorant to know, the term Chemtrails refers to the chemical-laced contrails left behind by high-flying aircraft, constantly spraying the unknowing public. Who’s responsible? Is it the government? Some private company? The Lizard People? Who’s to say? But, I have a theory.

You’re probably wondering why the nefarious party behind the Chemtrails would target the poor bees. It kind of seems like a waste of time on the surface. I mean, I’m not really a bee guy, but I wouldn’t go out of my way to kill them or anything. But, as you all know, I am a big flower guy, and that’s where this whole plot becomes sinister. No bees means no flowers. No flowers means everyone is sad all the time. Once the malaise and depression has fully set in, you can sell people some wonderful medication to make them feel happy again. Then you get people hooked, and now you’re printing money and run the world. So, yeah, I think I just cracked the case. Chemtrails are being produced by a pharmaceutical company whose goal is to get everyone addicted to depression medication. I’d wonder how no one else has put all of this together yet, but not everyone has my experience dealing with this stuff. What can I say? I’m the Sherlock Holmes of conspiracy theories. No web is too complex to unravel. No shadow too dark to bring to the light. Just give me a scent and I’ll give you the truth. I honestly feel bad for some of these secret societies. They don’t stand a chance once I put my sights on them. Your move, Illuminati.

Yesterday was the 20th Anniversary of Harry Potter

 

So yesterday when I was busy listening to Despactio for the 10 millionth time a startling piece of news hit my ears. It had somehow been twenty years since Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone was published in England. “That’s impossible,” I thought. “As everyone knows, I’m only 18 years old, but I still have distinct memories of all of the books coming out. This is very odd indeed.” But, it’s true. The Harry Potter franchise has been able to buy cigarettes and porn for two whole years now. Like pretty much every white kid around my age, I’m a huge HP guy. Sorcerer’s Stone was the last book my mom ever read to me out loud. I’ve read all the books about 1,000 times each. In fact, for at least five straight years it was a summer tradition of mine to read all of the books before school started again. But yeah, I had, like, friends and stuff too, though. Because of the countless think pieces that were floating around the internet yesterday to commemorate the occasion, I’m back in. I’m already halfway done with Sorcerer’s Stone. It’s all I can think about. It’s the only thing that matters to me (yes, I know Chris Paul got traded to the Rockets, but honestly, I just don’t care). Until I finish/get tired of it, I’m going to eat, sleep, and breathe Harry Potter. And, of course, I couldn’t let the chance to dish out some Potter takes go by the wayside. Unless I forget something, this is pretty much every thought I’ve ever had about the Potter-verse. God, I miss football.

What House Would I Be In?

The ultimate question. You can really learn all you need to know about someone by the way they answer. And, 9 times out of ten, you’ll learn that they’re trying too hard. Do you really think you’d be in Hufflepuff, or are you just saying that to be different? Oh, you got a Ravenclaw tattoo? Wait, is that your community college diploma hanging on your wall? Well, this is awkward. It isn’t that hard. Everyone knows human beings are only comprised of four basic traits: good, bad, smart, and other. Just figure out which one is strongest in you and there you go.

As for me? Well, it’s been established that the Sorting Hat takes your own personal preferences to heart. I won’t be the guy who goes up there thinking one specific house or bust. My only thought would be that I look horrible in yellow. Of every color in the entire world, yellow looks worst on me. I would just think that nonstop when the hat was on my head. I’m not winding up in Hufflepuff. I don’t care that everyone keeps trying to lift the stigma. I don’t care how many cool people come out and say they’d be in Hufflepuff. I don’t care if I was a Herbology/Care of Magical Creatures savant. I refuse to be in it. If my mom was Helga Hufflepuff herself I’d force my way out of it. As for the other three, I think I would probably be able to fit in to any of them. It’s long been established that I’m a boy genius, so Ravenclaw would be no issue. I’m brave enough to put unpopular takes on the internet, so I’m good in Gryffindor. I look good in green, so Slytherin is a nice answer. But at the end of the day, the strongest, most powerful character trait I have is the insatiable desire, nay, need, to be a relevant character, so that narrows it down to Gryffindor or Slytherin. And, since I had that thought in the first place, I’m probably in Slytherin. Looks like there’s a new bad boy on the block.

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What’s My Patronus?

Another vital question. According to the Pottermore personality quiz (which also backed up my assertion that I’d be in Slytherin), my Patronus would be a Lynx. No offense to the noble mountain cat or it’s close relative the bobcat (nickname of my middle school sports teams), that’s not really what I was looking for. I don’t even know where to start. Is it supposed to be something that looks badass? Is it something deep inside you? Is it just your favorite animal? Dumbledore’s is a phoenix, are we allowed to just get nuts with it? I’m pretty sure Cho Chang is the only character in the books that has a non-mammal Patronus, so is there some speciesism going on? I think flamingos and seahorses make me the happiest, but neither is all that intimidating. Having a falcon would be sweet, but I like hanging on to my 28-3 leads (I’ll be here all week, folks). If I need a mammal, I’d probably go koala, elephant, or some kind of bear. I could get fancy and go dragon or something, but I think I’ll just stick with flamingo. At least it’ll be distinct, and, since I’m in Slytherin, I’ll be the bad boy with a sensitive side.

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What Position Would I Play in Quidditch?

First off, would I play? Yeah, I’d play. I’d probably be captain, or, at the very least, a Draymond Green emotional leader. As established, I need glory. Since I’m too fat swole to be a seeker, looks like I’ll be a chaser. I’m pretty confident I’d re-write the record books. Those Brits would have no way to handle my pure American athleticism.

What Would Be My Best Subject?

I think I’d be a pretty good student at Hogwarts. I was a good student in real life, and these subjects are just a little bit more interesting. I think I’d have a lot of natural talent in Care of Magical Creatures, History of Magic, and Potions (I’m a decent cook). I think I’d try the hardest at Transfiguration (so I could become an Animagus) (I would not turn into a flamingo, though), Charms, and Defense Against the Dark Arts. I don’t think I’d really give a shit about the other classes. My best subject would probably end up being Care of Magical Creatures. Animals have always liked me and I think that would end up being a pretty sweet thing to be good at.

A Bunch of Random Power Rankings

Book Rankings

  1. Goblet of Fire
  2. Order of the Phoenix
  3. Sorcerer’s Stone
  4. Deathly Hallows
  5. Half-Blood Prince

Movie Rankings (The movies were so much worse than the books I don’t think I even need to go into it. Only movie positives: pretty much everything looked awesome and it introduced me to Emma Watson)

  1. Prisoner of Azkaban
  2. Sorcerer’s Stone
  3. Chamber of Secrets
  4. Goblet of Fire
  5. Order of the Phoenix

Best Characters

  1. Fred
  2. Draco Malfoy
  3. Ron
  4. Hermione
  5. George

Best Teachers

  1. Snape
  2. Hagrid
  3. McGonagall
  4. Lockhart
  5. Moody

Best-Sounding Food

  1. Bertie Bott’s Every Flavo(u)r Beans because I’m not a coward
  2. Chocolate Frogs
  3. Cauldron Cakes
  4. Butterbeer
  5. Pumpkin Pasties

Best Animals

  1. Hedwig
  2. Trevor
  3. Fawkes
  4. Buckbeak
  5. Norberta

Best Wizard Jobs

  1. Pro Quidditch Player
  2. Magizoologist
  3. Auror
  4. Wandmaker
  5. Harry Potter’s Friend

Best Moments

  1. First trip to Diagon Alley
  2. Quidditch World Cup
  3. Harry using the Resurrection Stone
  4. Snape’s redemption
  5. That chapter in Half-Blood Prince when Ron was good at stuff

Worst Moments

  1. Fred’s Death
  2. Harry’s bizarre inability to steal one of the thousands of Hogwarts letters delivered to him
  3. The entire HBP movie
  4. Since it’s canon now, The Cursed Child
  5. Umbridge not dying (I actually love Umbridge in that WWE-heel sort of way, but she needed to die)

Best Places

  1. Hogwarts (duh)
  2. Diagon Alley
  3. Pretty much anyone’s house
  4. Underwater in the Lake
  5. Ministry of Magic

Hugh Jackman says he didn’t know Wolverines were Real

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source– Jackman didn’t know wolverines were real things. He thought it was a play on “wolf.” According to Page Six, Jackman said at a panel, “I literally, embarrassingly did about two weeks of research on wolves. I was rehearsing for three weeks and I was shooting, so I was kind of on my own.”

While on the set of 2000’s X-Men, director Bryan Singer noticed something was not right: “He said, ‘Are you sort of walking funny, what’s going on?’ And I said, ‘I’ve been doing this thing with wolves,’ and he goes, ‘You know you’re not a wolf, right?‘”

“I said, ‘Well, there’s no such thing as a wolverine,‘” Jackman said, erroneously. He was instructed to “go to the zoo, dude.”

Alright, as an amateur expert zoologist, I’m sure everyone’s expecting to tear my guy Hugh to shreds for such ignorance. How can someone not know that the source of inspiration for the character he’s spent half his life playing was a real creature? He’s a superstar actor, surely he has enough spare time to do a second of research. I mean, he’s spent enough time in America to have heard plenty about wolverines, after all. Did he think Michigan named it’s teams after nonsense? No, I’m not going to criticize him for that kind of ignorance. Everyone gets one moment of stupidity every now and then. What I’m really upset with him about is the fact that he doubted the existence of any animal as an Australian.

He’s seen the kind of things in his backyard, right? There’s an entire clade of animals that only exists there. You literally can’t find marsupials anywhere else in the world because they’re too weird. Koalas are like the most normal looking. Kangaroos are pretty much people with tails and a worse attitude. And the egg laying mammals are complete freaks. I mean, echidnas? Look at these things:

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And platypuses?

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He lives with these things and he thinks wolverines are fake? What? Are Australians’ views of the world so skewed by the monsters that live next door that they can’t even fathom what normal animals are like? Are they so used to crazy reptiles that spit poison out of every part of their body that a regular old wolverine seems fake? How can you run around with giant snakes and alligators and dingos and emus and the like and have the nerve to think any animal can be fake? That’s what everyone should be questioning here. I refuse to believe Hugh actually thought that there were animals that didn’t exist. If I were Australian I’d believe in pretty much any legend you told me, because odds are I’ve already seen worse. That’s why I think this is fake. Just a story Hugh made up to seem more relatable. Sorry, Hugh, I’m not buying it. You’re not like me. I can’t be Wolverine. Telling me a made up tale about not knowing wolverines exist doesn’t make me like me like you more.

The GOAT of educational videos:

Scientists have finally been able to combine species DNA

source– Scientists have published the first peer-reviewed account of creating pig–human hybrid fetuses, a step toward growing animals with organs that are suitable for transplantation into humans.

The team that made these chimaeras also reports the creation of mouse–rat and human–cow hybrids on 26 January in Cell1. Such modified animals could provide researchers with new models for testing drugs and understanding early human development.

To create chimaeras, scientists generally inject pluripotent stem cells — which can become any type of organ — from one species into the early embryo of a second species. In theory, the foreign cells should differentiate and spread throughout the body, but in practice, producing viable hybrid embryos has proven difficult.

To get around this, a team led by developmental biologist Juan Carlos Izpisua Belmonte of the Salk Institute for Biological Studies in La Jolla, California, used CRISPR gene-editing technology to create mouse embryos without the genes that cause organs to form. The scientists then injected rat stem cells into the mouse embryos and implanted the embryos into a mouse’s uterus.

Because the rat cells still contained genes for organ formation, the resulting chimaeras had organs that were composed largely of rat cells. The animals lived for up to two years, the normal lifespan of a mouse.

Yes. I’ve been waiting for this day for years. Finally, we can combine two animals together. Once this is perfected, the possibilities are endless. With the upcoming war with the aliens, having an army of hybrids could turn the tide. I mean, it worked for the Warriors with the Splash Brothers. In fact, if we can start effectively combine big cats and elephants and rhinos or something, I might officially swing back to #teamEarth.

But I have a feeling it won’t be this smooth. I can already see the backlash the second one of these experiments goes wrong. Some half mole-half hummingbird abomination will come out of the test tube crying out for it’s own death and we’ll start wondering about the ethics of these experiments and how much the hybrids hate their most likely shortened lives. Well, in that case give them all to me. Think of the power you could acquire with an army of perfect predators. I could become the new Alexander the Great. I think it would only take me about a year before I was weeping about the lack of remaining worlds to conquer. And it’d be easy to keep the power, too. Think about it, if I had a bunch of German Shepard/tiger hybrids or something as bodyguards who would mess with me? Sure, they won’t live all that long but that’s why I have hockey shifts for my guards. Fiercely defend me for a year then swap out to live out their last days in peace. My reputation as champion of the hybrid animals would get the regular animals on my side, too. Soon I’d have every non-human in the world at my disposal. I’d be invincible!

My only question is what is the limit of the combinations? If you take sea creature DNA, will they need to be in water? Obviously I’m looking to cherry-pick every animal’s strengths, but do I get their weaknesses, too? Because if I can take an octopus’ smarts, camouflage ability, and eight arms but it can breathe air, then I’m combining it with some panther DNA to create an elite team of ninja-assassins. Can I combine a shark’s smell and motion sensing ability with a condor’s wingspan and range, then add some human speech to create the ultimate recon weapon? Or just go crazy and add some coral DNA with some grizzly bear, Komodo dragon, and armadillo DNA and make the ultimate defensive force to guard my room while I sleep. Because then we’d be cooking with gas. If all those things still have to live in water, then everything got a lot less fun.