At long last, the end is in sight. The long slog of the baseball offseason is almost over, as are these previews. Only one division left. I’ve saved the best worst for last. Listen, I’ve spent the majority of these opening paragraphs trashing the AL Central, but that’s because it stinks. Only one team is worth watching. The rest are pure baseball Ambien, capable of putting even the most hardcore baseball nerd to sleep instantly. Well, without further ado, here’s my favorite division, the American League Central. As always, win totals taken from Atlantis Casino Resort.
Cleveland Indians–
Last year’s World Series runner-up lost in excruciating fashion after blowing a 3-1 lead, fighting back to improbably tie game 7, then losing the championship in extra innings. Just the same old hard-luck Indians, right? Well, not exactly. Almost overnight, the Tribe has transformed into a big spending juggernaut clearly looking to exorcise last year’s demons. They signed Wily Mo Pena, for crying out loud! If that doesn’t scream win-now, I don’t know what does.
This is clearly the best team in this division. Adding Edwin Encarnacion to the team that scored the fifth most runs in the league last season seems like a recipe for success. They’re gonna score a lot of runs pretty much no matter who they’re playing.
Of course, what makes them a great team is that they prevent runs just as well as the score them. Their pitching was dominant last year, even with talented starters Carlos Carrasco and Danny Salazar missing time. They finished fifth in the league in ERA+ and fourth in strikeout percentage. They also sport a top five defense. Combining those two things is usually a good thing. It’s not exactly rocket surgery why this team is good. When you excel at every facet of the game, good things usually happen. Look for the Indians (sorry, didn’t mean to offend) team from Cleveland to be there at the end this, year, too.
Over/Under 92.5 Wins: Over
Key Offseason Move: Signing Edwin Encarnacion
Burning Question: How long until LeBron takes credit for the Indians success?
Bold Prediction: They’ll blow a 3-1 lead in the ALCS as continued punishment for the city of Cleveland for their infinite “Warriors blew a 3-1 lead” jokes online.
Detroit Tigers–
I don’t know, man. There’s just something about this team that absolutely bores the hell out of me. They’re just so…boring. And it’s not like they’re a bad team. They’re actually pretty decent. If you treat weighted runs created + as a catch-all stat for offensive productivity adjusted for stadiums, the Tigers actually placed 4th in the league. They even have some exciting individual players- J.D. Martinez, Justin Upton, Victor Martinez, and the great Miguel Cabrera are all theoretically appointment television. Jose Iglesias even makes the nuanced art of middle infield defense exhilarating. But still, I can never get pumped up about the Tigers. I think it’s the jerseys. They’re just so plain. No character, no panache. Just white and navy. Teams like the Tigers are cursed by having classic jerseys because it means they’re never allowed to change. The Tigers could do with a modernization, but if they ever altered anything people would absolutely lose their minds. Like every 20 years a Penn State football player wears white cleats or something and he’s practically put on trial for murder. But when you hold out for so long, it’s impossible to get out of the rut. Take the Red Sox and Celtics. They’ve had the same designs forever, but they experimented with alternates (with varying degrees of success) early in the Alternate Jersey Era, so no one really cares. But when you’re like the Tigers or Cardinals or Alabama don’t even think about switching anything up. Oregon’s been around too long at this point to jump in the fun jersey game. So don’t expect me to experience any joy watching the Tigers because they are just so visually bland. They might be okay, but they’ll look boring doing it. And they won’t be good, since their pitching and defense suck.
Over/Under 85.5 Wins: Under
Key Offseason Move: Trading for Mikie Mahtook I guess?
Burning Question: Will Kate Upton travel to every game, or just cities with hot girls?
Bold Prediction: This team is so uninteresting I can’t even think of anything even remotely related to them.
Kansas City Royals–
How the hell did this team win a championship two years ago? Seriously, it’s getting more mysterious by the minute. I shouldn’t pile on the Royals, though, since, even though I didn’t like him as much as Jose Fernandez, they’re dealing with the same tragic situation as the Marlins with the death of presumed number one starter Yordano Ventura. So surreal to lose two young, talented guys so close together like this. The loss was met with less public grieving mostly because it was during the offseason (and he spent his whole career throwing at people and was pretty much the least popular player in the league. Not to disrespect the dead, though) but it’s still going to have a huge impact on this team. It’s pretty much like the Marlins: they could fall apart or they could rally together and become more than the sum of their parts (again). They’ve certainly done it before.
I do have concern over some of the people they’ve lost, though. Wade Davis was pretty much the lynchpin of their championship run, and he was traded to the Cubs for Jorge Soler, who’s very talented offensively but is a massive downgrade defensively from the also departed Jarrod Dyson. Set-up ace Kelvim Herrera has a new role as closer, and those kind of moves can always go either way if the player gets in his own head. Even a minor slip in their perfect pitching and defense formula could spell doom for this team, since their sub-par offense certainly won’t be able to carry them.
Over/Under 80.5 Wins: Under
Key Offseason Move: Trading away Wade Davis for Jorge Soler
Burning Question: I just want to let everyone know I thought of a really tasteless joke regarding Royals fans’ love of stuffing the all star ballot box and I decided not to include it here, so you’re welcome for that.
Bold Prediction: Despite all the obstacles, both personnel-wise and emotionally, they still somehow find a way to make the playoffs.
Chicago White Sox–
Listen, the White Sox are going to be bad this year. Very bad, in fact. But it’s hard to say this offseason was nothing but a rousing success for them. Sure they had to give up their two best players, but they weren’t going anywhere with them and now they have three of the top sixteen prospects in the league. It was a very Sixers-esque offseason. It’s good to see teams in other leagues embrace the philosophy that if you aren’t one of the best five or so teams in the league there’s no point in trying to be good anymore. Encouraging stuff from the South Siders.
Over/Under 73.5 Wins: Over
Key Offseason Move: Trading every good player for Joel Embiid some top-end prospects
Burning Question: Will they fully commit to The Process and create a pyramid scheme of prospects with the end goal of one day owning the rights to every single minor league player in America?
Bold Prediction: We will, at some point, be reminded that Todd Frazier was once in the Little League World Series.
Minnesota Twins–
I may have been a little harsh on this division, because the Twins are actually kind of awesome. Their lineup is full of talented players, led by Brian Dozier, one of the most random 40 home run hitters of all time. Byron Buxton, long heralded as the future of baseball, could finally be ready to start living up to expectations. Miguel Sano is just as like to hit 50 homers as he is to strike out 300 times. Joe Mauer is still a wizard with the stick. The only problem is they have the worst pitching and defense in the league, and maybe some of the worst ever. Not ideal for trying to win games.
Over/Under 70.5 Wins: Under
Key Offseason Move: Minnesota losing Adrian Peterson
Burning Question: I don’t think they have one yet, so will I get a cut of the revenue if/when they make a purple Prince tribute alternate jersey?
Bold Prediction: They’ll finish top five in runs scored and top one in runs allowed.
SUPER BONUS PREDICTIONS:
World Series: Red Sox over Cubs (really going out on a limb)
MVPs: Mookie Betts, Corey Seager
Cy Youngs: Corey Kluber, Clayton Kershaw
Like most Washington, D.C. based pro sports teams, the Nationals spend most of their time building, then failing to meet, expectations, and this year is no different. It’s tough to think a team with 95 wins could significantly improve, but Bryce Harper spent most of last season searching for consistent form. According to him, he figured it out and made the necessary adjustments. Considering that he’s been tearing the cover off the ball in spring training, he may be on to something. With a full season of future megastar Trea Turner, if Harper has another MVP-caliber season the Nats could suddenly have the best position-player duo in the NL, and maybe the majors. The rest of the lineup is pretty solid, too. I’ve always been a fan of new catcher Matt Wieters and Anthony Rendon, too. But I just can’t wrap my mind around this Adam Eaton trade. Is Adam Eaton, he of the mighty .790 OPS and 14 home runs, really worth giving up a future top end starter and more? Last year, he had a WAR of 6.2. Pretty good. But the majority of that value came from his defense is right field, where he was the best in the 
Ahh, the Mets. No team gets more extreme reactions from their fans. Win two straight games and they’re the greatest team ever put together, and every fan tries as hard as they possibly can to be the face of the Tortured Mets Fanbase that everyone should feel happy for. Lose two straight and it’s blow up the team, same old Mets, worst team in the league, and every fan tries as hard as they possibly can to be the face of the Tortured Mets Fanbase that everyone should feel bad for. It’s annoying and exhausting from a neutral point of view, so I don’t really know how actual Met fans do it (quick side tangent: ever since I left the club in 2004, I absolutely hate long suffering fan bases. They’re all so pitiful. Every loss is made out to be this huge tragedy and everything just winds up being a woe-is-me pity party. Like, we get it. The Bills always lose. That doesn’t make me care about you, the team, or the city of Buffalo. Just get out of my face, already) (cc: Northwestern).
I really don’t even know how to write about this team. I don’t think there’s ever been a situation like this in my lifetime. I don’t know if it’ll last the rest of my life, but I still remember the moment I found out that Jose Fernandez died. I had just woken up when I saw about ten notifications on my phone. I think I stared at Twitter for about an hour, not wanting to believe it. Not totally sure if I said anything the entire day. And I have as little connection to the Miami Marlins as humanly possible. I can’t imagine what the actual team is going through.
I actually kind of want the Phillies to be Back sometime soon. They’ve got great jerseys, a great stadium, and it’s always fun when Philly fans have something to cheer for, because it usually leads to heartbreak of the best kind (someone else’s). The Phillies have been trash for a few years now, and are only showing brief flashes of improvement. They’ve found some good players (Odubel Herrera is really good) and have some more in the minors (shortstop J.P. Crawford should make his debut this year) but for the most part, all of their wave of young guys have been somewhere between okay and good, not great, and I’m not seeing any giant leaps forward in my crystal ball. It’s been a very blah rebuilding process. They should have taken notes from the Sixers.
They’re pretty much a southern version of the Phillies, but I don’t think they know it yet. Do you think they think they might be good this year? How else do you explain signing Bartolo Colon (I guess you don’t need any reasoning for this), signing R.A. Dickey, trading for Brandon Phillips, and, going back to last year, trading for Matt Kemp? Actually, I think they are trying to lose on second thought. I mean, there’s no getting around it, this team is garbage. But they have a bunch of really good prospects, starting with Dansby Swanson, who they stole from the Diamondbacks. And they’ve got a new ballpark (again), so I’m sure the people of Atlanta will come out and fill SunTrust Park just like they fill all their other stadiums! Just kidding, no one will come. Just like no one came to Turner Field. But, whatever, one day they might win 80 games again.
After 2015’s stunning turnaround the Astros kind of stalled out last season, in part (in my mind) because of their disappointing decision to abandon the home-run-or-bust strategy that brought them success. After finishing only two dingers behind the league leading Blue Jays in 2015, they were middle of the pack last year. Part of the change, though, was turning the team over to their super-stud young players like Carlos Correa and Alex Bregman. I’ve heard Jose Altuve is good, too. And fellow UConn Husky George Springer could have 30+ homers. I’m not worried about their offense. They’re going to score a lot of runs, and they’re going to prevent a lot of runs with their excellent defense.
Baseball’s luckiest team (no one outperformed their 
If I wasn’t already convinced the Red Sox were winning the World Series, I’d say the Mariners were a dark horse contender in the American League. Why? Just kind of a gut feeling I have. And when you’re in the business of divination, gut feelings can be pretty powerful indicators. And this is a good team.
The Angels make me so mad. They’re wasting one of the greatest players of all time! They sucked last year and their big offseason move was…trading for Danny Espinosa. Come on, man. Mike Trout is gonna fade into obscurity on this roster. They’re gonna be bad again this year. Their record might not be all that terrible simply because Trout will singlehandedly win about 20 games, but still. For the good of everyone, just trade Mike Trout if you’re not gonna try to win with him. Please.
Now that I think about it, I think the A’s have my second favorite jerseys in sports (behind Wyoming football). The green hat with the yellow brim is one of the greatest designs in the history of millinery. And those all-white shoes with the home white jerseys? Simply to die for. Then adding in a yellow shirt and a green shirt? It gets my heart all aflutter. The team stinks, but they’ll look good while stinking.
What else can you really say about this team? Last year they put together one of the greatest seasons ever: Best pitching staff in the majors by ERA+, second in the National League in runs, one of the greatest defenses 
The Best Fans in Baseball are probably excited for this season, but that’s mostly because smelling their own farts for so long has dulled their already limited cognitive abilities. This team just feels like it’s in no man’s land. They’re definitely not good enough to contend for their own division (let alone the World Series), but they’re not really that bad, not that the proud Cardinals would ever fully commit to a rebuild. I realize counting out the Cardinals is always foolish, but I really don’t see much when I look at this team.
After a million straight Wild Card Game exits, the Pirates took a serious step back last year. To gear up for the comeback season, they went out and added…Ivan Nova? That’s it? I know the Pirates aren’t a traditional free agent hot spot, but surely they could have done a little more.
Once I got to the Cardinals, I kind of started to regret doing this division. Because outside the Cubs, this division stinks. I foolishly thought the AL Central was the most boring division, but by the time I realized I was wrong, it was too late. Cubs could win 120 games going against these teams.
God, what’s the point of this team? Seriously, what are the Brewers playing for? Maybe they can get their prospects some playing time? Is that it?
The Dodgers have probably been the most consistent team in the league the last few years, winning over 90 games every season since 2013. I don’t really see that changing this year. After staying afloat during an extended absence from the best pitcher in the game, the Dodgers bring back every important member of one of the best pitching staffs in the game. Last season they lead the league in strikeouts per 9, strikeout percentage, strikeout-to-walk percentage, and finished third in 
Last year’s Giants team was just so…Giants. A bunch of no names who aren’t great at anything, but there they were in the playoffs. Like the Dodgers, they rode their excellent starting pitching and defense (which was second only to the Cubs in 
I don’t know why, but I’ve always been in love with the Rockies. Maybe it’s their beautiful stadium (Stadium power ranking: 1. Wrigley Field 2. Fenway Park 3. Camden Yards 4. Coors Field 5. PNC Park) that I’ve dreamed of going to since the first time I heard the name. Maybe it’s the fact that they always have high-octane, powerful offenses that mash home runs and rip doubles all day long. Maybe it’s the fact that they always give up just as many homers and doubles as they hit, keeping every game high scoring and exciting. Maybe it’s because my favorite color is purple and I love their jerseys. Maybe it’s because the best Little League team in my district was the Rockies, and it drove me crazy that I was never on the roster, despite the fact that I lived in the same town and was always the best player on my team (I peaked athletically earlier than most) and it became my obsession (No, I’m not bitter, why do you ask?). No matter the reason, the Rockies have long been my favorite non-Red Sox team, and I try and watch them as often as possible. I almost always try to wind up on the Rockies in my MLB The Show careers, too. But does any of that make them a good team? Maybe?
Dbacks were complete trash last year. Much like the Padres from two years ago and the Marlins from a few years before that, their get-rich-quick scheme didn’t work. At all. But is there any hope for this year? There’s a glimmer. Bringing in a new manager in Torey Lovullo can always raise a team’s spirits. Getting AJ Pollock back from injury is huge, especially if he can perform like he did in 2015 when he was a legitimate MVP candidate. They traded for pitcher Taijuan Walker, who has shown flashes of his true ability but hasn’t been able to put it all together. Still, he’s only 24. They also can’t possibly be as bad as they were last year. Judging by ERA+, this was the worst pitching staff in the league. Judging by ultimate zone rating this was the second worst defense in the National League. They did score the 10th most runs in the league, though. This lineup has some talent. Paul Goldschmidt is still a stud. Yasmany Tomas and Jake Lamb have 30 home run power. Zack Greinke probably won’t have his worst career season again. Shelby Miller can’t really be that bad, can he? They signed Fernando Rodney, which reeks of desperation. They tweaked their jerseys after last year, but I was in the minority that liked the bold new design. Might be some bad karma. Still, I think they’ll be better this year. Not too much better, though.
Padres suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. They’re so boring and irrelevant. They’re almost not even worth talking about. I mean, go look at their roster. Go ahead, I’ll wait. Recognize more than five names? I didn’t. Jhoulys Chacin is their number one starter, for crying out loud! Their projected starting outfield is Travis Jankowski, Manuel Margot, and Hunter Renfroe (not the football player). None of those names are made up. Their manager is Andy Green, the most boring name of all time. And, to complete their total dedication to being the most boring team in all of pro sports, they went back to their strictly navy and white jerseys and ditched the navy and yellow jerseys that looked awfully sharp. I don’t even think bringing back the brown and yellow jerseys would get me to care about this team. Every night I weep for Don Orsillo.
Where to start with my beloved Red Sox? Has to be the blockbuster trade for reliever Tyler Thornberg. Shoring up a secretly not-that-bad bullpen pushes them over the top as American League favorites. Oh yeah, they got Chris Sale, too. How could I forget? This team was the best team in the American League last season by virtually any statistic. Best offense in the majors by runs scored, on base percentage, slugging percentage, and extra base hits. They have Mookie Betts, the best mortal baseball player in the league last season, poised for another MVP-caliber season. I can never keep track of what qualifies as an MLB rookie, but if Andrew Benintendi still counts as a rookie, pencil him in for Rookie of the Year. If Dustin Pedroia stays healthy and they can get full seasons of production from Jackie Bradley, Jr. and Xander Bogaerts, the offense should be the best in league again. Of course, the elephant in the room is the retirement of David Ortiz coming off one of his best ever seasons. Free agent signing Mitch Moreland won’t replace his bat, and he shouldn’t be expected to, but does provide a solid left handed hitter, something this lineup doesn’t have a lot of. If Hanley Ramirez stays healthy/motivated/sane he’ll produce just as much as last season. If Pablo Sandoval’s commitment to diet and exercise raises even one step above mine, it’ll be a massive upgrade over the uninspired (to put it kindly) effort he’s put in since signing his massive contract.
Everyone’s favorite group of crybabies is coming off a less than ideal offseason that saw them lose one of the biggest power threats in the league and begrudgingly bring back another one. Pretty much all the hype is gone from this team despite an appearance in the ALCS. After setting the world on fire in the second half of 2015, the Blue Jays scored over 100 fewer runs last season, despite excellent seasons from Edwin Encarnacion (now with the Indians) and Josh Donaldson. They finished outside the top 10 in slugging. Listen, the offense was still great, but they weren’t the force of nature they were, and now they don’t have one of their key players. Troy Tulowitzki has been a huge disappointment since the trade two years ago. They had a solid 
Pretty much every year, people predict doom for the Orioles. I don’t really see any reason to change that. Maybe I’m a hater, but I just don’t think this team is that good. The offense is very one note. Granted, that note is a crashing crescendo, but still. They led the league in home runs, but bottom 10 strikeout and walk rates led, in turn, to a bottom 10 on base percentage. No team scored a higher percentage of their runs via the long ball than the O’s, and those kind of wells typically dry up sooner rather than later, especially when the leader of the charge is 31-year-old Mark Trumbo, whose previous career high in home runs was 34 before last season’s 47 (makes you think….). Now, they still have Manny Machado, who is an absolute superstar and still getting better. But everyone else is either old, getting old, or at the tail end of their prime. Look for the lineup to take a step back this season, despite having the best helmets in the league.
As much as it pains me to say it, I actually kind of like the moves have been making lately. The trades they made at the end of last season got them some stud prospects, and their offseason signings (at least for position players) are all low risk, high reward. I love Chris Carter in Yankee Stadium. Sure, he’ll manage to strikeout 200 times in the like 350 at bats he’ll get, but he’ll put 35 over the wall. Now, what was the point of getting both Matt Holiday and Carter if they plan on using them both as DH? I don’t really know, but it’s a nice throwback to when the Yankees were good and acquired every free agent available.
If it weren’t for the Padres, the Rays would easily be the most boring team in baseball. There’s just no sizzle here. I love Kevin Kiermaier with all my heart, but centerfield defense doesn’t usually get everyone else going. Chris Archer is exciting, but he’s secretly not really that good. What else does this team have? Some guys that can get hot for a few weeks then get ice cold right after? Sounds like a winning formula. They randomly finished 6th in the league in homers, but 24th in runs. How does that happen? Leading the American League in strikeout rate is usually a good start. The pitching and defense aren’t particularly good (besides Kiermaier, of course). They’re just a lousy team. Probably the worst in the American League. After that run of success, it’s good to have the Rays back where they belong.
Brian's Den 