Monday Thoughts, Week 1

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If you’re anything like Garfield, you hate Mondays. I’m talking deep, primal hatred that could only be cured through years of therapy and not waking up at 6 to go to a job you dread (man, gotta love the corporate life, am I right guys?) Well, much like Seether featuring Amy Lee, I’m here to hold you high and steal your pain. Introducing the incredibly innovative new segment here at the Brian’s Den- Monday Thoughts (working title). I’ll give my take on the Sunday that was in the NFL, and I promise you won’t find another piece like it anywhere on the Internet. Absolutely no one does a round up of random observations and videos and what

have you from NFL games. No one. Anyway, onto the Monday Thoughts™.

  • Most unbiased folks would likely start with Aaron Rodgers’s crazy comeback. But I am not unbiased. Far from it, actually. So I’ll take this opportunity to remind everyone that the Patriots beat the Texans yesterday. Ho-hum. Remember the last time the Texans won in New England? Oh, that’s right. It’s literally never happened. The Texans, the permanently up-and-coming contender, has never won a game in Foxborough. And I’m supposed to be worried about them?
  • Speaking of teams I, a veteran of the Patriot H8rz War, am supposed to be frightened of, the Steelers looked so bad. Like, only the Bills played worse. I’m dumbfounded anyone still takes them seriously. They’re going to put up huge numbers this year, they’re going to win 11 or 12 games, they’re going to come into Gillette Stadium in the playoffs and everyone’s going to pick them because they have so much talent and they’re sick of the Pats, and they’re going to lose 105-0. Stop me if you’ve heard this scenario before.
  • Anyway, yeah, Aaron Rodgers. Not bad. This was a pretty decent throw off one leg:
  • People of course took last night’s absurd-yet-predictable comeback as a clear sign to start pushing the “Rodgers is the LeBron to Brady’s MJ” agenda, saying, in essence, that no one has ever been more skilled at playing quarterback than Aaron Rodgers. People obviously know where I stand here, but I’ve got no problem admitting Rodgers can do things Brady can’t. But, luckily, there’s more to quarterbacking than week one wins against division rivals you traditionally own.
  • Damn, can’t get over that comeback, though. Could any quarterback in history lead a comeback like that? I doubt it.
  • People forget Luke Bryan sang the National Anthem at the Super Bowl.
  • RIP to Jimmy G’s winning streak. Gone but not forgotten.
  • Handsome even in defeat
  • Count me among the many shocked observers around the country who learned that Shawn Williams, the Bengals safety who lead the NFL in personal fouls last season, was the first player ejected under the new helmet safety rules. A Bengals player ejected. What is this world coming to?
  • ATTN: Don’t play the Chiefs in week 1 of an NFL season:
  •  Also, Kansas City McDonald’s give out BOGO Big Macs if the team gets a sack? Excuse me? Seriously regretting moving to New York City now.
  • Is that… is that Ryan Fitzpatrick’s music?ryan-fitzpatrick-1260x800
  • The cycle is real, folks. It’s very real.
  • But seriously, these are some dimes
  • Saints defense, actually very bad again.
  • Saints offense, actually still very good. Mike Thomas had 16 catches. 16! Hope you had him in fantasy, amirite? We all play fantasy here and love talking about it with other people. Man, can you believe I had to go against Drew Brees and Alvin Kamara yesterday? I can’t bear the thought of facing my opponent in real life because he might talk some trash about an outcome neither one of us had any control over whatsoever. But that’s just the fantasy life, brah.
  • For every “don’t draft a running back high in the first round” guy, please avert your eyes:
  • Jags O’s looking rough. Love my guy Blake, but, yeah. Not good. Maybe the Giants’ D decided to be good again this year after taking last season off. Still, that D’s mighty fearsome. They need a nickname. I’ll let someone less white think of one.
  • Hey, Jalen Ramsey…….boo:
  • Titans-Dolphins being the longest game in NFL history is cruel and unusual punishment for everyone involved. Can’t think of a less interesting think to do with 8 hours of my life.
  • When you start Nathan Peterman in an NFL game again and are surprised he’s terrible and you have to “upgrade” to Josh Allen
  • Bills might be the worst team of all time this year. Like, worse than either 0-16 team. They might go 0-16 themselves, honestly.
  • This next segment is for Bears fans ONLY. Everyone else please move on.
  • What a season. What a team. We’ll remember them for a long, long time.
  • Von Miller: Good
  • Seahawks offensive line: Bad
  • Seahawks defense: Kind of Bad now, too
  • I think the Seahawks are just bad, in general now. Hate to see such a likable bunch fall apart and fade into obscurity.
  • I know there are many, many haters, but I’m addicted to the Browns’ jerseys. Tell me this doesn’t look good on the field. You can’t.
  • To avoid totally piling on the Bears, I will also say that their white jerseys are top five in the league.
  • The late afternoon games are usually pretty boring (mostly because the Cardinals are involved), but Panthers-Cowboys achieved a level of Ambien as of yet unseen in the NFL. If anyone thinks there was one, single worthwhile highlight or event from this game, please alert me so I can avoid you at all costs.
  • Adrian Peterson back???
  • Probably not, but a good game in week 1 buys you four weeks before people start to realize you’ve been averaging 3 yards a carry since.
  • People only think Andrew Luck is good because they want to push their own manufactured narrative that he was the next Elway coming out of college. He STINKS.
  • Forgot how good the Vikings were, which is kind of the perfect way to describe them. They’re really, really good. But there’s just something missing there that will prevent them from going all the way. They’re also the Vikings and are physically incapable of winning big games.
  • When the NFL is back and there’s another 16 weeks of this:

 

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