Welcome to week 2 of Monday Thoughts™, the most creatively named segment on the Internet. If, for some reason, you missed last week, then this is where I’ll dump everything I found noteworthy about the Sunday that was in the NFL. It is, as they say, very unique. On to the games.
- Bills are bad. I just want to be the first one to say it.
- When you lose by a million but Josh Allen throws a 60-yard bomb
- Tim Horton’s laughing all the way to the bank with this promotion
Don’t forget your free coffee with today’s game program. ☕️ pic.twitter.com/UpEA01FFwr
— Buffalo Bills (@buffalobills) September 16, 2018
- Why does anyone play football?
- With this catch, Mike Williams became the 1,000th receiver named Mike Williams to catch a touchdown in the NFL. Congratulations on this monumental achievement.
- Need a tie every week now. It’s such a weird rush.
- No idea how this wasn’t a pick six
- This was the ultimate Kirk Cousins game: should have had three or four picks, made a couple of absurd throws, did just enough to put the team in position to win but couldn’t actually do it.
- Any kicking fans should probably take this week off.
- Seriously, if you think the kicking game adds a layer of strategy and finesse to the game you should hide your beliefs for a few weeks.
- I warned you
- Even though I’m #proBrowns, I laughed out loud at that extra point miss. You can’t run away from the DNA.
- You can’t tell me the white jersey-brown pant-orange sock look isn’t flaming hot. You just can’t. Every week the Browns are proving how underused brown is as a jersey color.
- I’m addicted to Michael Thomas catch stats. He legit might approach 200 and I love every single one.
- Did Colts-Redskins even happen? The jury is still out.
- “BuT iT’s ThE sTeElErS’ yEaR. i’M tElLiNg YoU tHeY’vE gOt ThE sUpEr BoWl WrApPeD uP”
- Steelers STINK. STINK STINK STINK STINK STINK. But they’ve got all those weapons, though, right?
- As someone who watched Pat Mahomes play BEFORE he had like, 800 yards in one game at Texas Tech, I feel comfortable calling myself a leader of the #MahomesHive and could probably pass for an extended family member. You can send the check whenever, Pat! No rush!
- People forget Pat’s dad was a Major League pitcher and Pat could have played baseball and that he can throw the ball 500 miles per hour.
- Imagine trying to catch that. Reminds me of my time at Illinois as an All American slot receiver catching bullets from Jeff George. That was before I blew my knee out, though.
- People thought this guy was a system qb:
- I realize I’m overreacting and caught up in the hype, but when I get sent to the next racial draft as the White representative, I’m strongly considering Pat with our number one pick.
- Kansas City McDonald’s update:
— Kansas City Chiefs (@Chiefs) September 16, 2018
- Hold on, I’m getting some breaking news. What’s that? Previous reports that the New York Jets had won the Super Bowl in week 1 were false? Can you confirm? They’re still the same old Jets? Stunning report, to say the least.
- R.I.P. Houstonians
— Houston Texans (@HoustonTexans) September 17, 2018
- This is the greatest play in football history
“Siri, show me the most Blaine Gabbert play of all time” pic.twitter.com/6piLcW1BYy
— The Astro Joker 🃏 (@theastrojoker) September 16, 2018
- Even though I used to have a poster of him in my room and I know he’d never hurt me I’m so intimidated by Mike Vrabel
- Should have started Dane Cruikshank in fantasy, amirite? People still talk about fantasy, right? I base my entire self worth on my fantasy team, please give me some positive reenforcement, here.
- The Panthers’ offense is so weird. Every play seems like it gains three yards at most and yet they finish with okay stats. That being said I kind of like Cam’s MVP odds, whatever they are. Just a gut feeling (this will NOT come back to bite me later, especially if I never address it again).
- Falcons are still zombies after what happened to them in Super Bowl 51 (they were up 28-3 on the New England Patriots and lost, if you forgot), so I’ll always find it odd when they win important games. Good for them for finding a small reserve of mental toughness, though.
- Why do defensive players think they need to do this?
- If a QB starts sliding, he’s immediately down. What’s the point of launching yourself at him? This isn’t the 70’s anymore. Even before the NFL finally started kicking people out for this, it was still a 15 yard penalty. It’s just so stupid and dirty. If I was a coach, any defensive player of mine that did this is immediately CUT (literally the easiest thing to say ever).
- Can’t believe they cancelled the Pats-Jaguars game, but that’s what happens during Hurricane season. It’s all about player safety.
- I’m pretty sure 85% of the Broncos roster is wide receivers. They have so many random guys. They have Thomas and Sanders and three entirely new guys every game. The Broncos may single-handedly lower unemployment numbers nationwide because they let absolutely anyone take the field for them at wideout. When Courtland Sutton almost caught a TD I would have bet my life he’s been on the team for three years only to learn he was a rookie. I don’t even know why I was so confident, either. Just has one of those “Broncos receiver” names.
- Like who the hell is Tim Patrick?
— Joe Rowles (@JoRo_NFL) September 16, 2018
- This may be late next week, I’ll be a little busy being the Broncos third receiver. I’ll be number 87, look for me on the field!!!
- Raiders are gonna settle in that nice “competitive but always lose” zone this year, also known as the Hue Jackson Neighborhood.
- Out of respect for my readers, I will not post anything from the C*******s-Rams game. Some of you may have just eaten and I don’t want to upset you.
- Lions-49ers was a randomly fun game. That’s my take.
- LeGarrette Blount is BACK
- 200 yard, 3 td game coming next week.
- If the Niners get their hands on Josh Gordon, watch out. Jimmy G might start cooking again.
- That is applicable to every team in the league. Josh Gordon is very good. The Browns are very stupid.
- Damn, I can’t believe Giants-Cowboys was a really boring Sunday night game. Could have never seen it coming. At all.