Monday Thoughts Week 6

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The sixth Sunday of the NFL season is in the books, and, I don’t know about you, but this one played with my emotions a little too much for my taste. I mean, to go from an electrifying Witching Hour on Red Zone directly into the three most boring late games in NFL history was just brutal. But that’s just the price you have to pay to get a million exciting finishes. The bill always comes, and I’ll gladly pay the piper when it comes to the NFL. Because I’m a sucker. This is Monday Thoughtsβ„’.

  • Can I start declining the free football the NFL is offering? Because I absolutely did not need more Bears-Dolphins.
  • Let’s check in on the Bears Twitter graphics:
  • Pretty messed up looking Dolphin.
  • Tarik Cohen is like if Darren Sproles was 5’8″
  • I guess I somehow missed that Ryan Tannehill was hurt and Brocktober was making a surprise cameo. That’s on me for not keeping up on my Dolphins news.
  • Nice D, fellas!
  • Felt like the Bears were up like 40 all game but then they lost. That’s football, Suzyn.
  • Live look at Sunday night in the Brian’s Den:
  • Memes, amirite?
  • Josh Allen gets knocked out, which means it’s Peterman time!
  • Wait, what?
  • That’s more like it.
  • R.I.P. people of Houston, pt. 100
  • I like how the Bucs are just the 2010-2016 Saints now. Explosive yet flawed offense with the worst defense ever put on an NFL field. It’s nice having teams like that in the league.
  • There goes Julio Jones, scoring at will again.
  • What’s that? That wasn’t Julio and Julio doesn’t have a touchdown this year? Yeah, okay.
  • This is every single Jameis Winston pick
  • “Alright gang, we’ve got Mike Evans and two good tight ends, one of whom went to Harvard, and we need a TD. Anyone got any ideas?” “I got it, coach”
  • Think I’m just gonna pull a pretentious sportswriter move and just start referring to them as the Arizona professional football team because everything about them offends me. I used to draw bullshit formations and plays in high school that IΒ know were better than what Steve Wilks calls on a weekly basis. Josh Rosen’s career is already wasted.
  • That being said, I think the Vikings are back.
  • Antoine Bethea is somehow still in the league but probably won’t be for much longer after this:
  • Maximum scrappiness
  • When the young kids say you’re not cool but you know you have “swagger” and “drip”kxtcfkh
  • Folks, the Browns are officially BACK.
  • Melvin Gordon lives in the end zone.
  • Decent game from Ty Williams
  • Colts-Jets turning into a shootout was unexpected, especially when the Jets came out wearing gray facemasks to honor the Super Bowl III team or something:I hated them at first, but it kind of grew on me. Still not as good as the green.
  • I hate on Andrew Luck a lot (and honestly, even if every interception he’s ever thrown gets deflected ten times there’s a reason they keep getting deflected), but tough to succeed when this happens:
  • I know there were 78 combined points in this game but nothing happened. I just don’t care about the Jets or Colts. Sorry.
  • Not really, though.
  • Sick TD, but the Panthers need to burn this jersey combination
  • One of the most impressive runs of his career because doing anything with only one shoe on is impossible
  • Redskins are so boring. I just don’t care about them, either. Sorry.
  • Not really, though.
  • Let’s check in on how the Raiders’ season is going:
  • Not great
  • Hmmmm
  • Yikes!
  • I’ve been sitting on this for most of my football-watching life, but I have to get it off my chest: I hate safeties. Hate them passionately. One decapitated Amari Cooper for no reason, one cheap-shotted Jameis for no reason, and Darian Stewart could have ended Cooper Kupp’s season with the most egregious horsecollar tackle since the one that broke T.O.’s leg then acted like a martyr when it was flagged. Like, why? What do you gain from being a dirty piece of shit? What pleasure do you get from drawing a 15-yard penalty every play? Is it fun injuring people? If I was a ref I’d preemptively eject every safety before the game started. I mean some of these guys make Vontaze Burfict look like Ned Flanders. If the NFL actually cared about player safety they’d start kicking guys out of the league. End of rant.
  • Lifelong Raiders fan Sami Khedira has to be sick to his stomach over this one
  • Wonder if Russell Wilson’s concussion water sells well in England.
  • Can’t believe the Bengals blew an opportunity to seize control of the AFC North by losing to Steelers. First time it’s ever happened.
  • Man, the Steelers have arguably the best receiver in the league and they love giving him the ball
  • Exclusive look at Antonio Brown every time JuJu does anything
  • Antonio Brown has actually released a statement regarding the fact that someone on the Steelers not named Antonio Brown was given multiple targets in a single game:
  • Yeah, he caught the game-winning TD (offensive pass interference notwithstanding) but it’s more fun to think of him as an angry child who throws a tantrum every time someone else on his team gets to be the star. A real stretch, I know.
  • Broncos have to jump to the front of the climate change committee, because a legit snow game was their only chance of beating those pansy-ass surfer bros from L.A.
  • Broncos stink but at least Bradley Chubb is good
  • Definitely didn’t need a QB with that fifth pick! Especially with that Swag Kelly cameo before halftime.
  • R.I.P. people of Los Angeles
  • The Rams being sponsored by Jack in the Box and not In-n-Out is a massive red flag. I thought they were supposed to be the cool L.A. team? The high powered, high octane, flashy squad that lights up the record books but doesn’t really even care about it, brah, they’re just trying to catch some waves. Need that In-n-Out partnership to complete the look. Zero chance they make the Super Bowl, now.
  • I’d imagine this is the standard reaction when Aaron Donald is sprinting at you:
  • Todd Gurley is ridiculous good. Just had to say that.
  • Recap of Jags-Cowboys and Ravens-Titans:giphy
  • So apparently McDonald’s is now using Bad Luck Brian in a new ad forΒ Monopoly their Trick. Treat. Win! campaign
  • As an actual Brian, this upsets me. My culture is not yourΒ prom dress meme, dammit! The early 2010s were brutal for Brians everywhere because of this meme (not really, but just go with it). I don’t want to be reminded of this dumb Internet fad by my favorite fast food establishment. It’s insulting. Give me Scumbag Steve, instead. At least that one was funny.
  • It’s crazy to think about the difference in meme longevity between now and the early days of meme culture. Bad Luck Brian was relevant for years. Years! Nowadays the latest Spongebob meme lasts three days before it’s completely killed off. I miss the old days.
  • The only thing that surprised me about Chiefs-Pats is that the Pats didn’t cover. It got a little hairy, but the Chiefs were never, at any point, going to win.
  • Gronk is just a dog, part 109412305364
  • Crazy highlight dump
  • Good news: Big Macs for sacks is BACK
  • Why I love the Internet: while looking for Devin/Jason McCourty highlights stumbling on this video
  • Rutgers-UConn 2009 full game. Just what I needed. Reminds me of the one time UConn football wasn’t a complete joke (I started at UConn in 2010, and the basketball team won the National Championship the following spring, then they wonΒ again in 2014. Don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned this before). Good times.
  • This week was awesome. Can’t wait to cap it off with a great Monday night game! CJ Beathard in prime time, baby! Let’s goooooo!
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