NBA Draft Guide 2019

Folks,,, it’s draft night. I love both the NFL and NBA drafts, but the NBA draft is probably the higher quality entertainment. Whereas the NFL draft is a war of attrition against the weak minded “fans” who can’t last all seven rounds over three days, the NBA draft is an efficient sprint to the finish line. I take pride in my NFL draft commitment, but yeah. Give me one three- or four-hour block of drafting. NFL draft is more conducive to eating way too much food, but don’t underestimate the satisfaction of some good pizza (we call it za in the biz) or wings while watching some roundball highlight packages. Everyone’s scrambling over themselves to declare this draft worthless after the first three picks, but the lack of sure things only opens the door for crazy reaches and funny second round foreign guys who even Fran Fraschilla has never heard of with preposterous workout videos. The various injuries and Anthony Davis trade have taken some steam out of the extracurricular aspects of tonight’s draft, but I think we’re still in store for something good. If only everyone still wore XXXXXXXXL suits. Let’s break down everything you need to know about the 2019 NBA draft class.

Reasons Why I WOULDN’T Take Zion Williamson Number One…

• None

Do You Say Zi-ON or Zi-EN

• I’m becoming a Zi-EN guy. Think it just kind of sounds funny.

Good Players in This Draft

• Zion Williamson
• Ja Morant
• Bol Bol, but only in 2K

Bad Players in This Draft

• Pretty much everyone else?
• Maybe not De’Andre Hunter?

Guys I Want the Celtics to Draft

• One of the Good Players
• Anyone not named Kyrie Irving

Biggest Storylines

• Does Zion get put in the Hall of Fame tonight?
• Is anyone else any good?
• Will Cam Reddish bother showing up? Because he didn’t at Duke.
• Will anyone break from the monopoly of blue/black/gray tailored suits?
• How many highlight videos will include warm-ups/empty gyms?
• Are we positive anyone besides Zion’s getting drafted tonight?

Zion?

• Zion

I Just Said This Was Going to be a Fun Draft, But It’s Going to be Pretty Boring, Huh?

• Yeah