Should General Sherman Have Just Burned Atlanta to the Ground and Saved Its People from Heartbreak?

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The Pats beat the Falcons last night. They didn’t just beat them, really. They totally dominated them physically and mentally. It was one of the most pathetic displays I’ve ever seen. Obviously, this was a big time matchup: Sunday Night Football, rematch of one of the most memorable Super Bowls ever, can the Falcons get revenge?, all that. I was really hoping the Falcons would go up big early just to see how they’d handle it. There was never a scenario where the Pats would ever lose to the Falcons, but still. I was curious to what they’d do if they found themselves in the same situation they were in in February. Instead, they completely folded at the first sign of adversity. The fog hadn’t even rolled in yet and they had already quit. It was sad, really. Here was a supposed juggernaut, a titan of offense last season, totally reduced to rubble. All because their offensive coordinator left? Really? The Pats killed them in the Super Bowl, and they just exorcised their ghost last night. Matt Ryan stinks now. Julio Jones is saying the Pats caused the fog in a desperate attempt to not take any responsibility for their horrible season. It’s one thing to blow a gigantic lead against the Patriots then be so scared when they saw those helmets again they completely shit themselves, but to lose at home to the Bills and Dolphins? Yikes. Some idiots out there will probably still take them seriously as a contender, but they could be up 77-0 and I’d still assume they were about to lose. I’d honestly rather be a Browns fan because at least I know what to expect.

Anyway, seeing the Falcons get murdered yet again had me wondering if the good people of Georgia would have been better off if General Sherman just level Atlanta during the Civil War. As you surely know, General Tecumseh Sherman captured Atlanta then drove to the sea, destroying Confederate supply lines, settlements, industry, and just generally causing chaos along the way. If he had just razed Atlanta right then and there, wouldn’t it have been better for everyone? Like what does Atlanta even have? They obviously have no spirit left thanks to the Pats. Coke and Chick-fil-a? Is that it? I’m pretty sure the visionaries behind those two institutions could have flourished anywhere. They literally have one (1) major championship, so not losing much there. Don’t know what I’d do without all those Hawks highlights. I’m willing to bet Hank Aaron, Greg Maddux, John Smoltz, Dominique Wilkins, and Julio Jones would be Hall of Famers in other cities, too. Not only are all their teams terrible, but they don’t even have a ton of memorable losses like other tortured cities. Sure, the Super Bowl is the worst loss of all time, but every other big loss is just kind of a loss. Read this. Did you recognize any of those? When you think of terrible, crushing losses, do any of those come to mind? Not really. Which means their teams are bad and forgettably so, which is the worst spot to be. The only real loss would be the Atlanta music scene, which, in all seriousness, would be a huge blow to The Culture (gonna be honest, I’m very white so I’m sure my thoughts on The Culture are really valued by everyone). But you’re telling me Outkast, T.I., Future, Young Thug, Gucci Mane, Ludacris, Migos, and countless others only are who they are because of Atlanta? Please. They’d be great regardless of where they were from.

I know it sounds harsh saying a major metropolitan area should have been destroyed in the 1800s, but I’m only looking out for the people. How much more can they take? How many more losses, how many more terrible performances? I know I would have tapped out a long time ago. Having one of the biggest cities in America be a den of losers is a bad look for everyone. It wouldn’t surprise me if the government stepped in and did something soon.

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