NFL Week 16 Picks

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the league,

NFL bettors were stumped and feeling fatigued;

Their bet slips were hung by the chimney with care,

In hopes that St. Brian would soon be there;

The readers were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of Colts +14 danced in their heads;

As I climbed into my officially licensed NFL sheets,

I remember I had Vikings -9, what a treat!

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flew with concern,

Wondering if Broncos +3.5 would give me heartburn.

The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow,

Gave the luster of mid-day to the Falcons +6 below;

When, what to my wandering eyes should appear,

But Pats -13 and eight tiny reindeer,

With a big, handsome driver, proud as a lion,

I knew in a moment it must be St. Brian.

More rapid than Eagles -9 his coursers they came,

And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:

“Now, Bears -6.5! Now, Lions -5! Now, Chargers -7!

“On Chiefs -10.5! On Niners +4.5! Jimmy G, oh good heavens!

“To the top of the window! To the top of the wall!

“Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!”

As dry leaves before Panthers -10 fly,

When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky;

So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,

With a sleigh full of picks- and St. Brian too:

And then in a twinkling, I heard on the roof

The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.

As I raised up my head to avoid getting a flag,

Down the chimney St. Brian came with his bag:

He was dressed in full pads, from his head to his toes,

A playcalling sheet in hand so he knows all the throws;

A bundle of winning picks was flung on his back,

And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack:

His eyes- they were dull from all the concussions,

He launched head-first at receivers, what repercussions?

In thought, his mouth was scrunched up like a toad,

Then he exclaimed, “I like Rams -7, even on the road!”

I knew he loved hot dogs, so I put out a fresh batch,

As he ate one, he mumbled, “Man, was that a catch?”

He had a cherubic face, and a little round gut

That shook when he laughed at Browns scuttlebutt:

He was chubby yet ripped, a game-picking savant,

I’m still grateful for the time he gave Cowboys -5 to my aunt;

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head

Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

He spoke not a word, he was totally zen,

And filled the stocking with picks; he loved Steelers -10.

Before flying back up the chimney, he gave me a note,

It said, “Take Giants +3.5, then buy yourself a new coat.”

He sprung to his sleigh, to his team, “play through the whistle!”

And away all they flew, like the down of a thistle:

But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight-

“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!”

BONUS BOWL PICKS

• Temple vs Florida International +7
• Central Michigan vs Wyoming +3.5
• Texas Tech vs South Florida Over 66
• Army vs San Diego State -7
• Appalachian State vs Toledo -7