Monday Thoughts Week 15


This week stunk. The NFL is stupid. No, I’m not bitter the Pats lost to the Steelers for the first time since Napoleon invaded Russia. I’m bitter that the Pats STINK and I have to live life like all you peasants that have to watch awful football week after week after week. It’s almost Christmas and I have to deal with this. Life sucks. At least there’s two fewer games for Monday Thoughts™ since I’m very lazy only concerned with Sunday games.

  • Some time in the last month the Bucs became the most boring team in the league and I don’t like it.
  • Mike Evans is still good, though
  • Once T-Sizzle retires I can really start enjoying this Lamar Jackson-Gus Edward centric offense
  • Ravens are tightening their grip on the final Wild Card spot and are close to being The Team No One Wants To Play in the AFC. I know the Pats don’t want to play them. Really wouldn’t mind if the Dolphins just won the division.
  • Good lord the C*******s are depressing. To lose by a million to the 2018 Atlanta Falcons? No bueno.
  • Few things more demoralizing than throwing a pick on a throw to the flat
  • Julio Jones is one of the ten best receivers of all time and this is the first time he’s been definitively the best receiver in the league. Weird.
  • Nice defense, fellas!
  • Glad the early season Cowboys are back. They were starting to get too fun to watch.
  • Colts D is legit good now, which is always an odd thing. Darius Leonard is a beast.
  • This was the worst camera work this man has ever seen
  • Dolphins with the classic Super Bowl hangover.
  • Screen pass pick 6s are always funny
  • Who the hell is Kalen Ballage?
  • I’m ready to admit Dalvin Cook is faster than I am
  • Don’t care what old haterz might say, I’m a fan of throwing up the peace sign when you know you’ve got a TD. Let ’em know they can’t touch you, king!
  • Bills have won 3 of 5 and I don’t really know what they’re thinking.
  • All things considered, the Lions might be the most irrelevant team in the league this year. Bad but not the worst and no memorable or funny moments. Only four more years of Stafford, though.
  • When did Robert Foster become Randy Moss?
  • Hell yes
  • Perhaps the most shocking result of all on Sunday: Bears beat the Packers in Chicago with the Packers’ season on the line.
  • Khalil Mack with the ol’ Ass Sack
  • Rodgers threw a pick, guy’s done
  • Haven’t seen the cheese monster since week 1
  • I don’t even want the Pats to make the Super Bowl because I know they’ll lose again and I don’t need that in my life, so I want it to be Bears-Chargers/Chiefs. Think that’d be the most fun.
  • We don’t really need to talk Raiders-Bengals, do we? Okay good.
  • Derek Carr hasn’t thrown a pick in forever though, which doesn’t feel right.
  • I flat out refuse to discuss Redskins-Jags or Titans-Giants.
  • Derrick Henry is absolutely superhuman
  • I hate going into my fantasy teams because I know no one cares and it’s so dumb to complain about something neither my opponent nor I have literally any control over, but these last couple weeks have really irked me. I’m in three leagues (yes, I’m that guy), and in every single one I was either the top seed, the highest scoring team in the league, or both. It was as dominant a fantasy season as I’ve ever had. Unless Christian McCaffrey has, like, 40 points tonight I’ll have one team alive. Three great teams and only one with a chance for hardware. All because the bum-ass Cowboys can’t get Amari Cooper the ball and bum-ass Austin Hooper is the worst tight end in the league and bum-ass Todd Gurley STINKS when anything is on the line and bum-ass my lord and savior Tom Brady refuses to get the ball to Josh Gordon and my bum ass picked up Damien Williams then didn’t play him and every single player I have had their worst game of the season when I needed them most. I hate fantasy and don’t know why I still play.
  • Seahawks will always inexplicably lose at least one division game every year. That’s a Pete Carroll guarantee.
  • Seahawks have a habit of playing “exciting” games that go down to the wire where nothing actually happens. This was one such game. Nothing happened. Niners jerseys were looking particularly good, though.
  • Yeah, Pats lost, whatever. Their D is finally looking decent, though.
  • Can’t lose to the Steelers. Just can’t.
  • I think it’s safe to say that the Rams are officially the Team Everyone Wants to Play. My god, are they soft (don’t tell Aaron Donald I said that).
  • Like, Jared, what are you doing, man?
  • Rams are totally done. Completely. If anyone still takes them seriously as a title contender I’d like to meet them so I can tell them how stupid they are.
  • Eagles….still alive? Nick Foles, man. He’s just got that feel for the game. Forget that he’s only had two seasons with a QB rating of over 82 and one of those he only threw 55 passes. Just has that feel for the game.
  • The Eagles are doing the impossible and making me care about the NFC East somewhat. A possible Cowboys collapse is too tantalizing to ignore.

That’s it. Only one week until Christmas. Will I repeat last year’s inspired The Picks Before Christmas? Time will tell. I just want this season to be over, at this point TBH.

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