Brininho’s Den World Cup Thoughts pt. 1

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Hello everyone and welcome into the Brininho’s Den, your home for all the World Cup coverage you need. Since I don’t have the time/motivation to recap every single game, every couple days I’ll give my thoughts on things. Be it who’s playing well, who should return to their life as a dentist, who has the best hair, and any other random stories that pop up. The anthems have been sung, so it’s time for kickoff.

  • NSFW:neymarIf I could ever get my hair like this, you’d better believe I’d never try another style.
  • It really bothers me that the anthem tracks FIFA uses are clearly faster than normal, causing the players and fans to sing behind tempo, making everything sound horrible. Until I actually looked them up, I thought every South American anthem was the worst song ever recorded for this specific reason.
  • All-time blunder: cause a stir with awesome new jerseys that get everyone hyped for your team and think of you as a possible dark horse, don’t wear said jerseys in your opening game and give one of the worst performances of the tournament so far.

    nigeria-huddle_13v349047aif11ihtp5lvoc2d7
    Really good look, guys. Definitely better than the ones everyone preordered.
  • No, watching Panama get destroyed was not triggering. I wasn’t even mad, it was funny to me.
  • Have to hand it to Putin. He really rigged Group A well. I’ll be curious as to what’ll happen in the knockout stages. I’m sure some significant others will be abducted. If they wind up facing Spain, I sure hope he keeps his hands off Shakria.
  • Mexico is either going to go to the semi-finals or lose the next two games. Those are the only available outcomes after that kind of yuuuuuge win.
  • Absolutely hilarious story: South Korea swapped their players’ jersey numbers in practice because Westerners can’t “distinguish between Asians.” Amazing. Now, here in America we have total racial harmony and no one even sees color so this wouldn’t be a problem for us, but Sweden? If you don’t have blonde hair and blue eyes/ if you aren’t Zlatan they have absolutely no idea how to pick people apart. Kind of shocked this didn’t work, to be honest.
  • I know there’s a joke about how many bugs are flying around Russian stadiums but I’ll let someone else think of it.
  • As someone who plays entirely too much FIFA, I understand the frustrations that come with not being able to score (please keep your snide comments to yourself). Some games it’s just not going to happen. If it gets really bad I just quit or press reset. Don’t know why Germany didn’t try this.
  • As the only country remaining that I have any ancestral ties to, I officially pledge myself to England until I sense their heartbreaking demise. My uncle is from Australia butttttttt I don’t think they’ll be around too much longer.
  • Rough couple days for us Messi truthers. Ronaldo takes a giant shit on Spain then Messi comes up smaller than small against Iceland. Still plenty of time left but you can see it in his eyes that he wants to be literally anywhere else in the world.
  • Spain is officially back, though.
  • The Belgian Golden Generation has officially Arrived (by winning a war of attrition against the worst team in the field).
  • If he could go back in time, Nick Saban would recruit a young Romelu Lukaku to play outside linebacker. Don’t understand how he doesn’t score 40 goals a season.
  • When Xherdan Shaqiri says he’ll take the Ring to Mordor.resd
  • Paul Pogba’s game winning goal was changed to an Aziz Behich own goal after the match. Both Pogba and Behich should be allowed to beat up the scorekeepers with no repercussions.
  • Folks, I hate to break it to you, but some players are exaggerating injuries. I, too, am shocked.
  • VAR has obviously been a big talking point, but I’m still in favor of it even though it’s far from perfect. I’d rather have the right call made despite the endless debates about what is or isn’t subjective and reviewable.
  • Mo Salah, for the sake of everyone’s eyeballs, please come back ASAP.
  • Fully expect Arsenal to offer $80 million for Hirving Lozano.
  • Kind of bummed out about Brazil and Peru. Started out like houses on fire then just died out. If only Peru had a way to keep people awake and energized….
  • Speaking of Peru, the announcer for their game (Jorge Perez-Navarro) might be the most electrifying man on English-language TV. The constant yelling started out funny, then became annoying, then became funny again, then became awesome when there was finally a goal.
  • Once more, for the people in the back

That’s about all I got for now. Pretty solid first few days, and it’ll only get better. Open your heart to soccer, America. It’s worth it.

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