Monday Thoughts Week 13


Week 13 is a little too close to week 17 for this man. The season’s winding down, and if the remaining weeks are anything like this one, whooo man. Let me tell you, I’d need some electroshock therapy to fry my brain, because this week STUNK and it’s certainly not how I want to remember the 2018 NFL season. This wasn’t even like a month ago when every game was a complete abomination. There were some decent matchups on paper, and every single one of them disappointed in a big way. Oh, well. Such is life in the NFL.

  • The “best” early game was the Bears-Giants game that went to overtime. No one in the world wanted it to go to overtime.
  • Guess Tarik Cohen wanted OT
  • Four players threw passes in this game. The two worst were Chase Daniel and Eli Manning
  • The only thing Eli has over Odell is a dumb look on his face
  •  Gotta check in on the Bears’ art department
  • Very, very on the nose.
  • Bills-Dolphins is an NFL game that, apparently, happened.
  • I’m man enough to admit when I’m wrong about something. I thought Josh Allen had zero NFL skills. Turns out he’s the best running quarterback of all time
  • Dolphins’ throwback jerseys and accompanying endzone are good
  • Parents: kid won’t sleep? Can’t get junior to settle down? Just edit the Broncos-Bengals game tape to exclude all Phillip Lindsay touches and watch sparky quickly drift off to sleep.
  • The ultimate metaphor for the Browns post-revival history
  • Linebacker interceptions always seem worse because they’re so abrupt. Like a QB would have to be blind not to see them standing directly in front of their eyes.
  • Maybe I’m just a h8tr, but this has to be the least convincing 9 game winning streak of all time. Who’s taking the Texans seriously? Maybe being a Patriots fan has just jaded me and rendered me incapable of appreciating a team’s short term success because I already know it’s going to end in an early playoff loss.
  • R.I.P. people of Houston, pt. 8349267052869
  • Packers lost at home to the C*******s (naming rights NOT restored, sorry) with their season on the line. It was a terrible game and the Packers are terrible and there will be no highlights. There will be slander, however.
  • Mike McCarthy, an objectively mediocre-to-bad coach with a terrible attitude, was fired after the game, healing every single one of the Packers’ woes. Congrats, guys!
  • So obviously the biggest discussion of the coming offseason is going to be centered around the Packers’ next head coach. I think we can all agree Joe Philbin isn’t the answer. I’m sure that, much like every time LeBron has a coaching vacancy, the narrative will be that there’s a line 10 miles long of people who are dying to coach the great Aaron Rodgers. Are we sure about that? It doesn’t seem worth it, whatsoever. Rodgers is a massive dick. He’s terrible to be around. His teammates hate him. Every time they lose throws everyone else under the bus, starting with the coach. Every win, regardless of circumstance, is entirely because of the Magic of Rodgers. And the rest of the roster stinks. What’s the appeal? Who would want this job? Not this man. I’m preemptively taking my name out of the running.
  • Apparently Aaron Rodgers is the greatest quarterback of all time now despite his resume getting worse over the last two years and Brady’s getting better. You’re telling me your greatest QB in history is going to miss the playoffs again? Your greatest QB has only played in 16 playoff games in his career and just turned 35? Your telling me the greatest quarterback ever has one more playoff win than Tom Brady has SUPER BOWL APPEARANCES???? WHAT????????? How did this happen? How did the narrative shift like this despite NOTHING CHANGING WHATSOEVER???????? Not to turn into Skip Bayless, here, but there’s a reason Rodgers is always on the outside looking in when it matters. The reason is him, if you couldn’t tell.
  • Also, I’m sick of people saying Rodgers is the most physically gifted QB ever. Have you watched Pat Mahomes? Have you seen Cam Newton? I’d love to see Rodgers go head-to-head against Lamar Jackson in a “Physical Gifts” competition. Hell, Rodgers might not even be the most physically gifted QB in his own division. Matt Stafford’s got a pretty sweet arm. Mitch Trubisky can run around and has a bazooka. Everyone just needs to get over the fact that the Patriots dynasty happened. I know you hate it. But just accept it. Brady is the GOAT. Rodgers STINKS.
  • Yeah, there will also be no highlights from Colts-Jags. Sorry.
  • Panthers are dead. R.I.P. in peace. Thought they were good. Turns out they aren’t.
  • Rough, ROUGH game from Cam-
  • I’m sick of Jameis not throwing interceptions. It’s sucking the fun out of the league. I’m revoking the Bucs’ offensive highlight privileges until further notice.
  • Thanks Bucs!
  • Aaron Donald is not human
  • If you sent Aaron Donald back in time 2000 years every country would be named after him today.
  • This game was surprisingly un-fun. Should have been 45-30 or something.
  • We get it, Todd. You want us to think you’re a smart player
  • This wasn’t even smart! Up seven with the two minute warning left and the Lions had a timeout. They wouldn’t have just run out the clock, or anything. Just score, bro. No one will think any less of you.
  • As someone who loves and appreciates the passing game, Ravens-Falcons offended me deeply. Lamar went 12/21 for 125 and Matt Ryan went 16/26 for 131 and a TD. Disgusting. No highlights will be posted because there weren’t any.
  • I didn’t pay a whole lot of attention to the late afternoon games because I was just focused on the Pats, but based on the numbers I’m seeing I didn’t miss much in the Jets-Titans game.
  • Mariota has to have a top-five ugliest interception reel
  • No Nut November ending means Josh McCown’s powers fade away
  • Titans are still alive but I give them a -598640568% chance of making the playoffs.
  • Obviously things like the Kareem Hunt situation aren’t exactly why I created this website so I won’t really comment on it. But I’ll just say things are looking even better for the Pats now.
  • I’ll just mark this game down as “Oakland’s Last Stand,” but no Super Bowl contender can sweat out wins against the 2018 Raiders.
  • At least they still get Big Macs
  • Imagine being able to throw a ball this fast?
  • Why is Jared Cook good now?
  • Listen, I get that the Chiefs have a lot on their minds. But this was a bad sign. They’re going to lose another game. The Pats aren’t. After all the hoopla and fanfare and handwringing, the Patriots will get home field advantage in the AFC.
  • Russell Wilson with the rare 4 TD pass, sub-200 yards passing game.
  • Seahawks with the rare sub-350 total yards, over 40 points game.
  • 98-yard pick-sixes will help with that
  • Mullens-to-Pettis is the new Montana-to-Rice
  • Listen, I’m not saying I’m scared of the Seahawks or anything. But if I were an NFC team, I’m not sure I’d want to see Seattle coming up on my schedule anytime soon.
  • Thanks, Niners!
  • We don’t have to dwell on the Pats’ demoralizing victory against the backbone-less Vikings, but I think we have to pour one out for Adam Thielen. His career might as well be over after what happened last night. From the worst TD celebration EVER
  • To the most mystifying decision in human history
  • What are you doing dude? Do you know how many guys have tried to get under Belichick’s skin? Let me rephrase that. Do you know how many better, more intimidating players have tried to get under Belichick’s skin? None of them succeeded, but your scrawny ass will? No offense, but give me a few years months of weight lifting and I’d be able to beat the hell out of you. Think twice before stepping to the NFL’s John Wick.
  • He dropped his next target after that exchange.
  • I misspoke when I said Josh Allen was the best running quarterback. It’s actually Tom Brady
  • Josh Gordon needs more touches
  • Pats are a lock for at least the AFC Championship Game. Ho-hum.
  • Thanks Vikings!
  • Chargers-Steelers was a legitimately good game. A true rarity this week.
  • I’m lazy so I’ll just post the long highlight video because there were too many crazy plays
  • I can’t stop watching this play/dance, though
  • How about Anthony Lynn being married to a news anchor?
  • NBC 4 is the New York City affiliate. Theoretically, if I watched NBC News, I could have Stacey Bell on my TV frequently. That means I’m more invested in this Chargers season than 99.99% of America. Crazy.

That’s it for this week. I’m just going to ignore the Monday night game and hope it goes away. That always works, right?

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