Countdown to 2018

Happy New Year’s Eve, everyone. Welcome to the second annual Countdown of Countdowns, where we go through a bunch of random power rankings to celebrate the changing of the calendar. Makes sense, right? If you’re old enough to remember, last year there were sixteen countdowns to commemorate 2016. Well, stay with me here, this year there’s going to be seventeen as we say goodbye to 2017. Before we begin, it would feel disingenuous if I didn’t mention that, despite how great the Countdown of Countdowns and random New Year’s Eve concerts are, New Year’s Eve stinks and I’m glad I’ve reached the point in my life where there’s starting to be less pressure to go out someplace way too crowded, spend way too much money, and have no fun. Anyway, now that you know I’m a New Year’s Scrooge, let’s dive right in to the CoC.

Top Five Movies from 2017 Based on Brian’s Den Scoring

1. John Wick 2– A true cinematic masterpiece
2. Dunkirk– Best war drama since Fern Gully
3. Fast 8– I still can’t get over the Rock pushing a moving torpedo with his non-dominant hand
4. Logan– That Wolverine/Professor X sex scene was wild
5. Captain Underpants– Only sophisticated senses of humor will understand

Top Five Movies I Didn’t See but Will Say I Saw Come Awards Season to Sound Smarter

1. Call Me By Your Name– Classic “look up the plot on Wikipedia so I can always act like I know the plot” kind of movie
2. Darkest Hour– I’m a big Gary Oldman guy so I’ll probably get to it eventually
3. Lady Bird– Literally have no interest whatsoever
4. Mudbound– Sitting here wondering if it’s problematic or not that I haven’t heard of this
5. Phantom Thread– Heard Daniel Day-Lewis plays a spool of thread. Impressive

Top Five Video Games I Played in 2017

1. Persona 5– Played through this game two times in a row so that tells you how cool I am
2. Pokemon Ultra Sun/Moon– Pokemon games are always top five. Sorry
3. Nioh– Finally made me believe that, no matter where you are, a white guy can be the hero
4. Horizon Zero Dawn– Bashes you over the head with its social message, but the gameplay and visuals are top notch
5. Assassin’s Creed Origins– After playing this I was surprised to learn that Moses did, in fact, look just like Christian Bale

Top Five Songs of 2017

1. “Despacito”- Luis Fonsi, Daddy Yankee, Justin Beiber
2. “Despacito”- Luis Fonsi, Daddy Yankee, Justin Beiber
3. “Despacito”- Luis Fonsi, Daddy Yankee, Justin Beiber
4. “Despacito”- Luis Fonsi, Daddy Yankee, Justin Beiber
5. “Despacito”- Luis Fonsi, Daddy Yankee, Justin Beiber

Top Five TV Shows I Watched in 2017

1. Stranger Things– I’ve been #teamSteve since season 1
2. Game of Thrones– Even a disappointing season is better than most things on TV
3. Black Mirror– If you love introspection and hate technology, this is the show for you!
4. Wallykazam!– Most complex depiction of a troll in recent memory
5. Super Bowl 51- I didn’t really watch much TV this year so I’ll just throw this here

Top Five Athletes of 2017

1. Tom Brady- Not much explanation necessary
2. Kevin Durant- He’s got a whole army of fans on social media that will go to bat for him
3. Pablo Sandoval- Was somehow the worst player in both leagues
4. Quavo- The new Jim Thorpe?
5. Maya Moore- She went to UConn, you know. As did I, if I haven’t mentioned

Top Five New Fast Food Items of 2017

1. Taco Bell Potatorito
2. Taco Bell Dollar Stacker
3. Taco Bell Naked Chicken Chips
4. Taco Bell Naked Egg Taco
5. Burger King Farmhouse King

Top Five New Year’s Eve Concerts

1. Kid Rock- Spirit Center, Kansas City, MO
2. Migos- Red Rocks, CO
3. Diarrhea Planet- Rough Trade NYC, Brooklyn
4. Sting- Atlantis Paradise Island, Bahamas
5. Celine Dion- Caesar’s Palace, Las Vegas

Top Five Villains in Movie History

1. Gothmog, Lord of the Rings: Return of the King– Best voice of all time
2. Hopper, Bug’s Life– The Charles Manson of the bug world
3. Palpatine, Star Wars– PPPPPPPOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ULTIMITED PPPPPOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWEEEERRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!
4. Darth Vader, Star Wars– The OG
5. The Night Slasher, Cobra– The greatest acting performance in history

Top Five Things I Love When Other People Do

1. Shovel snow
2. Wash dishes
3. Fold laundry
4. Taxes
5. Pick something to watch on any streaming service

Top Five Fast Casual Tex-Mex Chains

1. Chipotle- Sorry I’m not mentally weak enough to let a little food poisoning scare me away
2. Moe’s- Best chips going
3. Pancheros- Most underrated by far
4. Qdoba- Can’t believe they got rid of their old cactus logo
5. Del Taco- It’s no Taco Bell

Top Five Colors

1. Fuschia- Violet or lavender could also substitute
2. Sky Blue- Compliments my eye color nicely
3. Turqoise- Just feels like a tropical breeze
4. Burgundy- Maybe the classiest color along with mahogany
5. Magenta- Sorry if you don’t like feeling warm and fuzzy inside

Top Five Fictional Animals to Have as a Pet (Before you say anything, Pokemon are partners, not pets)

1. Pegasus- Riding a horse typically looks cool, but then the horse unfurls its wings and takes flight? Yes, please
2. Direwolf- Only if you lived in isolation. Which is my dream
3. Owl- This means Harry Potter owl. I know owls exist in real life
4. Dragon- From any story. Pick any dragon in recorded history and I’m down with having it as a pet
5. Jackalope- A good conversation starter

Top Five Condiments

1. Maple Syrup- I’d have to turn in my “Vermont native” card if I went with anything else. Yes, I have drank maple syrup, and yes, it was amazing
2. Chick-fil-a Sauce- Arguably the greatest innovation in fast food history
3. Mustard- All mustard, but specifically deli mustard and spicy brown
4. Sweet chili sauce- Underrated and pairs with any meat
5. Ketchup- Can’t ignore it altogether, but if ketchup is your favorite you have plebeian taste

Top Five Gemstones

1. Garnet- My birthstone, so you know it’s the best
2. Red Diamond- Most expensive gem in the world
3. Emerald- I’m a sucker for green
4. Alexandrite- Love stuff that changes color
5. Opal- Just looks cool

Top Five Kinds of Bread

1. Semolina- If cookies weren’t a thing I’d say the Italians had this whole cooking thing figured out
2. Sourdough- Regular sourdough, not (I repeat: NOT) vaginal yeast sourdough
3. Wheat- Lets me pretend I’m eating healthy
4. Cinnamon Raisin- Using cinnamon raisin bread for french toast >>>
5. White- Old reliable

Top Five Things I’m Looking Forward to in 2018

1. Avengers– Gonna be the greatest movie since the last greatest movie ever
2. Taco Bell’s newest specialties- Who knows what they’ll come up with next?
3. Getting one step closer to the end of the world- About time the planet hit the reset button
4. Kingdom Hearts 3– Just kidding. It’s never coming out
5. Another year of The Brian’s Den- 2018 is gonna be BIG. I can feel it