Introducing a new feature here at https://www.briansden69.com, the Newsroom. Since there’s going to (hopefully) be a lot going on in my life soon, I think this is a good way to kind of cover a lot of the stories I may not get the chance to talk about, particularly in the sports world. I’m thinking about doing these a few times a week. Let me know your thoughts- good, bad, never do it again? Either way, there’s some good stuff coming up in the near future.
Hope everyone had a good holiday weekend. I know I did. Ate tons of food, which is pretty much all I care about. Only thing is, I got so carried away chasing Black Friday deals I somehow wound up in the middle of Nebraska. Not good! I had to hitchhike my way back, and, along the way, I spent a lot of time on YouTube. And whenever I say I’m spending a lot of time on YouTube, I mostly mean I’m watching this video on a loop.
Easily the greatest video I’ve ever seen. Celine Dion, who I openly stan for, and *NSYNC, a titan of late 90s/early 00s pop, performing “That’s the Way It Is,” maybe a top ten song ever written and the unquestioned GOAT Grocery Store Pop song (grocery store soundtracks always feature 80s, 90s, and early 00s soft/contemporary pop). It’s just a combination of everything good in this world. This video has 34,000 views, and at least 17,000 of those are from me. It’s time more people joined the party. Every second of this video is amazing, so I figured I’d just break down everything you need to know about the Greatest YouTube Video Ever Made.
0:02- I honestly have no idea what the context for this performance is. I’m assuming it’s some kind of awards show? Maybe the Grammy’s? The CBS logo is there, so it was on TV. I think I’d be happier not knowing where this takes place. Keeps the intrigue going.
0:12- Fatone. Look at this hair. Look at this leather suit. This was how pop stars looked in the late 90s, and everyone was okay with it.
0:15- Love this keyboardist. You can feel his passion.
0:17- Celine might be the worst dancer of all time, but I respect her willingness to experiment. You can see the gears turning in her head every time she tries out a new move, and she almost always realizes it wasn’t good.
0:26- I say almost always because she just discovered this point. Remember it, because it’ll come back later.
0:39- Lance Bass might secretly have a top 5 life ever. Guy has no musical talent whatsoever but somehow became the second most well-known member of the second most important pop group of the 21st century, then added in a few TV show appearances for good measure. Legend.
0:57- How do you get this gig? Like how do you become the drummer for a Celine Dion/*NSYNC mashup? Does it pay well? Did he brag to his friends and family about landing this? Need to know more about this guy.
0:59- I’m almost certain she’s lip syncing the whole time, but who cares? Celine Dion earned the right to lip sync a long time ago.
1:00- I need this leather suit. Someone put me in touch with Fatone so I can get it from him.
1:04- The camera loves Bass and Fatone. I, for one, am not surprised.
1:09- “I can’t wait to fire my agent.”
1:13- What is this outfit? A white trench coat? No wonder Chris is the forgotten member.
1:16- Point counter: 2
1:18- I feel bad for JC. He had some serious pipes, but had the personality of a cardboard box. *NSYNC should have had two post-*NSYNC stars, but JC got left behind. Sad!
1:30- Name a more iconic duo. I’ll wait.
1:38- This is her sweet spot. Standing in place and raising her arms. Not sure anyone has ever had better ballad posture.
1:57- The people’s drummer showing his versatility.
2:01- How do they let Timberlake go out there with such an ill-fitting coat? Who was in charge of wardrobe for this thing?
2:02- Is this drummer secretly the sixth member of *NSYNC? He’s soaking up screen time.
2:10- Point counter: 3
2:12- JC reminds me of the captain of the Titanic. He knows his career is a sinking ship when Timberlake leaves, but he’s still giving his all because that’s the only thing he knows how to do. A true professional.
2:14- We need to start keeping track of everyone that’s getting more screen time than Chris. Right now the drummer and keyboardist both have significantly more.
2:16- Maybe the most electrifying dance moves I’ve ever seen in my life.
2:25- If you look closely you can see the seeds of the breakup being planted in Timberlake’s mind.
2:27- This touch was not in the dress rehearsal.
2:37- Can’t stop looking at JT’s neck. It’s like a turtle who doesn’t know whether to go back in its shell or not.
2:47- Timberlake is swimming in that coat. Did they not have tailors available? Also, this is why I assume it’s the Grammy’s or something in winter, because there’s no other reason to wear a coat like this in a climate controlled environment.
2:51- Timberlake should have taken Joey with him when he went solo, because he’s honestly got more stage presence than everyone else combined.
2:57- The real reasons behind *NSYNC’s success.
3:05- So the drummer, keyboardist, and now backup singers all have more screen time than Chris. Is that pre-Idol Ruben Studdard?
3:11- Can’t imagine what it’s like being in the presence of a Celine Dion power note.
3:16- I actually think there’s two drummers. Both have more screen time than Chris.
3:23- At this point, Chris has to fight somebody or go off script or something to get back on camera. It’s about pride, now.
3:25- Point counter: 4
3:33- Never seen a bigger pity wide shot to get Chris back on screen.
3:34- Celine sure is comfortable around Lance. I wonder why?
3:37- Point counter: 6 (this high difficulty point counts as 2)
3:48- You know she was thinking about this wink the whole time, and it didn’t disappoint.
3:53- Final point counter: 7
4:00- gecko hawaii. Never seen this logo before or since. But somehow they got ahold of this footage, so I’m always in their debt.
Sadly, the video ends after that. Well, it ends assuming you don’t have it set on repeat, which would be a pretty curious decision to say the least. I’m sorry if I got you addicted, but I just wanted to share my affliction. I will never get tired of this video, and I thank the Internet Gods every day for delivering it to my doorstep.