My Experience at MLB Foodfest

Two hours of pure concessions and drinks for $40. Not a bad way to take ten years off your life.

I was obviously excited about this, but I wish I could go back and do it over. Not to spoil the video, but I was only able to eat 25 of the 30 entries, partly because of the time (they screw you out of at least five minutes because they don’t let anyone in until your time slot starts, but then you have to leave the second your time slot ends. Factor in lines and stuff and I didn’t get my first plate until 1:09. Sad!), and partly because I did the exact incorrect strategy. Essentially, it was a big horseshoe around the perimeter of the dining room with the booths arranged in alphabetical order by city. I started with Washington and went in a circle, both because I wanted to eat the Arizona entry last and because it was closest to the door. This was the incorrect strategy. The bottom half of the alphabet was far, far superior to the top half. If Foodfest was the NBA, N-W was the West and A-M was the East. Absolutely no contest. So while it was nice to actually enjoy all the good food, that meant I had to eat the disgusting things on a full stomach. Not a good combination. I almost puked on camera two or three times, and, had I gotten whatever the Indians thing was, I know for a fact there would have been a reversal of fortune. You can get on me for getting full off of 25 bites (another bad strategy: I took multiple bites of some of the early food because, again, it was actually good) if you want, but 95% of those things were bread heavy. And the buns were all thick, too. Too thick, if you ask me. It didn’t make for a fun morning, I can assure you.

So I missed five teams: Tigers, Indians, Rockies, White Sox, Braves. As I said, the Indians Flamin’ Hot Cheeto abomination would have made me puke. The Tigers had chicken shawarma nachos, which seemed like a very bad thing to eat at 2:45. I actually had the Braves thing, which I don’t even know how to describe, in my hand, but once I got through the absolutely brutal Red Sox-Orioles combo, I couldn’t do it. I blame the coleslaw.  Coleslaw stinks and half the teams used it as a garnish. The Rockies and White Sox weren’t high priorities since they just had a regular cheeseburger and sausage, respectively, and I’ve had my fair share of both. The only sad thing is that I’m sure both were pretty good and I ate a Cheeto-lote instead. By the way, how to the Rockies not bring Rocky Mountain Oysters? I guess they figure everyone already knows the rating on them already.

Anyway, it was a good time. I hope they do it again next year (I’m sure they will), and hopefully other leagues get in the game, too. Now that I know to eat the horrifying and repulsive foods first, I think future Foodfests will be more enjoyable. Still can’t believe the Sox didn’t come with the hot lobster roll.

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MLB Foodfest is Today

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It’s finally here. MLB Foodfest. I feel like I’ve been waiting for this my whole life. Two hours of stuffing your face with ballpark food without the hassle of going to an actual ballpark. I may have died and gone to heaven. My time slot is 1-3pm. Will there be a video of me reviewing all 30 items? You bet your ass. Will there be Snapchat (briancurran11) and Instagram (@briansden69) story updates? Yes. Will I eat something I regret? Without question. This is going to be epic.

Now that I think about it, MLB really dropped the ball not having this on 4/20.

As for what I know you’re all really here for, yes, going to the festival will cut down on my God of War streaming today. I’ll probably hop on later tonight as I digest, so be on the lookout. If you need a fix, here’s the full streams from yesterday, when I messed around and did two separate sessions.

https://player.twitch.tv/?autoplay=false&video=v252844613Watch Brian Plays God of War pt. 1 from JarringTiger on www.twitch.tv

https://player.twitch.tv/?autoplay=false&video=v252963933Watch Brian Plays God of War pt. 2 from JarringTiger on www.twitch.tv

I Think I Own the Barclays Center Now

I went to the Nets game last night, as all true New Yorkers are wont to do. As it was the last home game of the season, it was Fan Appreciation Night, which was nice up until they had DeMarre Carroll had to pick up a mic and thank the fans for their tremendous support, even though about 65% of the seats were empty. I’ll be honest that was a little awkward. But other than that, I, a longtime Nets fan, had a great time at Fan Appreciation Night. Got a free shirt. Did some modeling.

 

Ate some food.

It was nice. The Nets don’t deserve the Barclays Center. It’s so clean and modern and spacious and it’s pretty easily the best place I’ve ever watched a basketball game. The exterior was covered in rust-colored paneling, which I thought was actually rusted but, on further inspection, it was all aesthetic, which is the most Brooklyn thing imaginable. The food was expensive, but it was pretty good, and show me an arena that doesn’t charge an infinite amount of money for a hot dog and I’ll show you a G-League arena. It has free WiFi that actually works. The only downside is that literally no one cares about the Nets so no one goes. It’s a beautiful place, and the fact that it’s so nice is by far the most interesting thing about team.

As for the product on the court, folks, I think I speak for everyone when I say anyone who watched the game will remember it forever as the greatest game of Allen Crabbe’s career. The legendary shooting guard was on fire from the jump, pouring in a career high 41 points. I thought he’d get 70!

I haven’t spent much time watching Nets games, so I was pleasantly surprised to see that they flat out refuse to take 2-point shots. They’re second in the league in 3s attempted this season, and I’m pretty sure 70% of those have come in the last two weeks. They hunted 3s like Russell Westbrook hunts rebounds. D’Angelo Russell and Crabbe have the greenest green lights in basketball history, regardless of what percentages they shoot. Listen, the Nets are terrible, but I like what they’ve been doing the last few years. With no first round picks or stakes, why not pursue experimental playing styles? Why not try to acquire every bad or expiring contract? Why not offer every free agent, restricted or unrestricted, a short term deal for big money? At some point next century when the Nets get their first rounders back, things are going to start turning around.

Luckily, the Nets had an actual opponent last night. It would have been crazy if I just went to an open practice or something. Let me tell you: Bulls-Nets in the last game of the season is the least consequential sporting event I’ve ever attended. If you asked 100 diehard NBA fans if this game even happened, I’d be willing to bet at least 75% would have had no idea. But I’m glad I was there to witness it, because the Bulls put on a tanking display for the ages. Robin Lopez, Chris Dunn, Zach LaVine, and Denzel Valentine didn’t play. Justin Holliday had like 10 points in the first quarter and I don’t know if he got in the game after that. With three minutes left in a six point game, the Bulls lineup was Ryan Arcidiacono, Jerian Grant, Sean Kilpatrick, David Nwaba, and Cristiano Felicio. That’s not made up. That’s an actual NBA lineup. I’d love to see the per 100 possessions stats for that group, gotta be one of the the best in the league!

Surprisingly, the Nets won (even covered!), so the question needs to be asked: am I the new King of the Barclays Center? The facts are simple- in games in which I haven’t attended, the Nets are 27-53. When I do attend? 1-0. Kind of startling, honestly. Add in the fact that I was practically begged to sit on the Nets Throne and I sampled some traditional Brooklyn fare, and I think it’s only natural that the Nets offer me complementary season tickets and the deed to the Barclays Center. Ever since Jay-Z left, they’ve been dying for some star power. I’ll gladly become the new face of the Nets. I’ll go to team events, I’ll go to (some) games, I’ll do commercials and promo spots. All I ask is free food and a nice paycheck. Like $2-$3 million max, that’s it. I’ll even pretend to be a Nets fan, which is really the most difficult ask of all. The Nets desperately need buzz. I can’t think of anyone more buzz-worthy than me. So, come on Nets. Crown a new King of Kings County.

MLB Announced It’s Hosting a Food Festival and I’ve Never Been More Excited for Anything in My Life

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source–  We’ve built an all-star roster for the first MLB FoodFest, with a menu that boasts tastings from ALL 30 ballparks – from the Dodgers’ lauded Cheeto-Lote to the Mariners’ toasted grasshoppers.

On top of the eats, we’ll also be keeping your IG feed fed with a hot dog art gallery, massive popcorn pit, and more.

One weekend only, tickets are limited.

 This came across my feed the other day. A food festival showcasing signature dishes from all 30 Major League stadiums. Purely out of instinct I purchased tickets immediately. I didn’t even think twice. Don’t think I thought once, to be honest. What better way to usher in the new era of the Brian’s Den then to attend a massive cultural event in my first month in New York City? I actually don’t think this is a coincidence. MLB saw I was moving and immediately put this event together to welcome me to the city. Can’t say I blame them. So, yes, I will be there, and yes, I will try all 30 foods, and yes, there will be a video. If you want to join me get a ticket for Saturday April 22nd at 1-3 pm. I’m sure they’ll go fast now that everyone knows I’m coming.

Let’s take a look at the menu:

Some rapid fire thoughts-

  • Rockies sending a regular old cheeseburger when they have Rocky Mountain oysters is a head-scratcher.
  • Chicago dogs are the worst way to eat hot dogs don’t @ me.
  • A lot of crab here. Don’t hate it.
  • I already know the Cheeto-lote is going to be the worst thing I ever put in my mouth.
  • When I think Detroit, the first thing I think of is shawarma.
  • Things I’m looking forward to for content purposes: toasted grasshoppers, Monte Khrush Davis Cristo, Cheeto-lote, churro dog, Pig Pickin’, chicken and donut slider.
  • Things I actually want to eat: South Side Horseshoe, Brisket-acho, bacon wrapped plantain, Tri-tip nachos, Reuben Cuban sandwich, chicken waffle cone, lobster roll.
  • Calories clearly don’t count here.
  • Toasted grasshoppers is the most Seattle thing imaginable.
  • Wonder if eating everything will get me a non-roster invite to a team’s spring training next year.
  • This is going to be the greatest day of my life followed by perhaps the worst trip(s) to the bathroom in human history.

As Should Be Ashamed of Ourselves as a Society for Allowing Beet Snacks to Exist

So there I was, minding my own business in the grocery store, when what do mine eyes see? Another in the growing list of foods that should not exist: beet flavored snack crips. Not only beet flavored, but made of beets!

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Initially, I felt deep anger. Why would anyone want this? Why would anyone think this needed to be made? Who would hate themselves enough to eat these? The answer, it turns out, is me. I couldn’t resist this demented food curiosity.

#snackreview for the good thins beet flavored crisps. 😖😖😖😖😖😖😖

A post shared by Brian’s Den (@briansden69) on

 

Maybe the worst thing I’ve ever eaten, and I’ve eaten a lot of bad things. I just don’t understand why we need this? What is the demand for beet snacks? Are we as a society so helpless that we need to eat disgusting beet flavored snacks to tell ourselves we’re healthy? What happened to just eating regular old fruits and veggies?

Listen, what people eat isn’t really my business. Eat what you want, when you want. But junk food is my world. You mess with salty snacks and you mess with me. These are an abomination and an insult to Nabisco’s legacy. You already make Wheat Thins! Those are kind of healthy. Is that not good enough anymore? Do we really need to appeal to every possible palate and every dietary need? How about if you want to eat healthy you just don’t eat Doritos? Is that so crazy? I shouldn’t have to look at beet flavored snacks when I go grocery shopping. And you know the only people buying these (besides me) are moms who are trying to force their stupid children to eat healthier. You really think little Aiden is gonna be happy when he takes out a bag of beet thins at lunch and all his friends have real chips? That’s how bullying starts. Beet thing only belong in one place.

Quite frankly, I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired of Big Snack slapping me in the face with these science experiments. This has been going on way too long. Know your audience. Do think the people that buy their body weight in Cheez-Its, Pringles, Goldfish, Doritos, Oreos, and every other salty or sweet snack under the sun want vegetable flavored snack crisps? As someone who fits the previous description, the answer is no. Snack companies need to accept that stoners (I’m not a stoner, Mom, don’t worry. I just eat like one), not suburban moms are the key demographic. Why do you think Mountain Dew and Doritos are so powerful? Because they embrace this fact and run with it. Nabisco is responsible for things like Nutter Butters, Chips Ahoy, Oreos, Cheese Nips, and Chicken in a Biskit and now they want to make beet flavored snacks? Get out of here with that nonsense. I’m old enough to remember when the snack world was pure and no one cared about how unhealthy everything was. I fear I may also be young enough to live to see a day where the unhealthy snacks get pushed to the margins to make room for the growing wave of healthy, completely inedible snacks. And that, friends, is enough to bring a tear to my eye.

While we’re talking about grocery store, I had to include this story, as it pertains to the Grocery Store Rules.

source– An 87-year-old man has been invited back to an Upstate New York Wegmans grocery store after he was banned from the premises for sampling hot soup last week.

In a viral Facebook post that has since been deleted, Maureen Singer said her father, Herb, was booted out of the Johnson City Wegmansafter a member of the store’s Asset/Protection Department accused him of “stealing” hot soup.

Singer also wrote that he was made to sign paperwork he did not understand, and told he could not return to the store where he also gets his medication from the pharmacy for two years.

She admits that Herb did take a “few spoonfuls of soup — which he understands to be samples.” It was not clear if he was using the same spoon or a different spoon for each sampling.

I don’t care how old you are, if you take hot soup and eat it before paying for it, you deserve to get banned for life. I stand with Wegman’s 100% and it’s total B.S. they had to apologize. This old geezer is lucky I wasn’t there, or he would have faced a much stiffer penalty than just signing some paperwork.

To refresh, the Grocery Store Rules:

  • Use the correct carrying device. If you’re only getting a few small things, take a basket not a full cart.
  • If your total items is more than or equal to the allotted number for the express line, don’t use it.
  • Don’t sample something if it’s not a free sample. I see (usually older) people open a bag of grapes and eat one or two then put it back all the time, and it’s the closest I come to committing murder.
  • Take a number at the deli and wait your turn. You’d be surprised how many people don’t understand this concept.
  • If you have to return something (whether it’s expired and you were too blind to realize it or whatever other reason you make up), don’t eat half of it first.
  • Don’t stop you cart in the middle of an aisle. Go to one side. Also have some kind of awareness for where the best place to park is. Directly in front of all the chicken blocking everyone isn’t it.
  • If you aren’t elderly or impaired in some way, don’t walk really slow when you know people are behind you.
  • Don’t hold the refrigerator/freezer doors open for longer than you need to.
  • Don’t open something before you buy it. This might just be my own pet peeve, but still.
  • At least attempt to control your unruly children.
  • For the love of God, don’t ask one of the employees (who probably want to kill themselves because they work at a grocery store) if there’s more of something in the back. What, do you think there’s an entire other store in the back full of stuff they don’t want you to buy? Use your brain.

If you don’t understand these basic tenants of society, odds are you’re too oblivious to function in a civilized culture in the first place.