There’s nothing quite like the NBA offseason. The crazy trades. The traitorous free agency decisions. The emoji wars on Twitter. In the week since the Finals ended, every day has had more drama than a Daniel Day-Lewis movie (R.I.P), and we haven’t even hit free agency yet! Dwight Howard was traded for a Plumlee, completing one of the most self-inflicted falls from grace in human history. The Lakers decided to give up on D’Angelo Russell after two years because…….? and traded him to the Nets in a move that somehow screwed the Celtics over twice. Phil Jackson has mysteriously put Kristaps Porzingis on the trading block (I doubt he’ll be traded), leading every fan base to rush to Photoshop to see what he’d look like in their jersey. But tonight is my favorite part of the NBA offseason, draft night. I’ve got my DiGiorno. I’ve got my spot on the couch picked out. I’m ready to be disappointed. Is it possible to go from all in on someone to all out on someone in a few days? Because that’s what I’m feeling now. Look at this:
Jayson Tatum says his No. 1 pick in the food draft would be St. Louis-style pizza. Never knew that was even a thing.
??????????????????? What the hell is St. Louis-style pizza? Why would he pick a fake food over all the other quality foods that have a right to go number one overall? Now I’m seeing him in a new light. Now all his flaws clearly counteract his strengths. Now he’s just the exact same prospect we’ve seen in every single draft that does absolutely nothing. I can’t believe the Celtics are seriously going to take an un-athletic Tobias Harris number three overall. Hey Danny, draft Josh Jackson please!
You can go anywhere on the internet and find a mock draft, so I decided I’d just say which prospects I like and who I don’t like. That way, the only thing I can be wrong about is if they’re good or not, not if they’re good or not and what team takes them.
Guys I Like
Markelle Fultz- Oh, what might have been
Josh Jackson- Come on, Danny, think of him and Jaylen Brown on defense together! I’m aroused, aren’t you?
De’Aaron Fox- Completely dominated Lonzo twice. A sign of things to come for one of them
Jonathan Isaac- Anthony Randolph with a jumper. Guy could be the best player in the draft or be out of the league in four years
Dennis Smith- I like him a lot, especially if you can get him outside the top 10
Malik Monk- Don’t know if you’ve heard this before, but the NBA is all about 3-point shooting these days
OG Anunoby- People are acting like he’s dead. It’s just a torn ACL. It’s 2017, he’s probably already fully healthy. He’ll the best defensive player in the draft, just take him
Harry Giles- Speaking of not dead yet. His injuries are considerably worse than OG’s, but if you’re not in the lottery, absolutely no reason not to roll the dice
Bam Adebayo- Mostly because he’s projected to go so low
Guys I Don’t Like
Lonzo Ball- As I’ve said before, I don’t think he’s that good
After a very long weekend, I have finally returned from my trip to Denver. I know many people been eagerly awaiting me to return to steadily churning out must-read material, and to them I say fear not. I’m back to guide you through this dark hell we call life.
Obviously the first thing on everyone’s mind is my experience at the airport. Did I discover the Illuminati’s dastardly plot? Did I blow the cover off the New World Order’s machinations? Did I find the underground concentration camps? What did I eat there? Well, you didn’t really think I’d bury the lede like that, did you? If you want the full story, you’ll just have to wait. They call that a tease in the industry.
I did spend some time outside the airport, though. I didn’t know this until I got there, but apparently marijuana is legal there. You’d never know because absolutely no one talks about it or advertises it, but it is! (I know what you’re thinking, and no, I did not over indulge myself by smoking the weed all day. I was on a journalistic mission and needed to maintain a clear head) Apparently the people there have been smoking too much pot and destroyed whatever ozone they had left, because the sun was beating down non-stop. It’s like clouds no longer existed. I mean, look at this tan I picked up:
NBA Draft is in a few days, and yes, I am eligible. Don’t be surprised to see my name called at the end of the first round. But yeah, it was hot. And the air was so darn thin. I was out of breath after walking two feet. I had to keep chugging water just to stay upright. Brutal! Who decided to live so high up, anyway? Talk about impractical. Why make a city a mile up? How’d the first people even get all their stuff up there? After gasping for air for a week or so, why’d they stay. If this all sounds like I’m complaining about a beautiful city I willingly travelled to, that’s because I am. They couldn’t put it anywhere else?
Obviously, food is an important part of any trip I go on, and Denver had plenty of good stuff. Literally everything there is smothered in green chile sauce. There’s green chile pizza, green chile burgers, green chile beer. We got sushi one night and even that came with green chile sauce. My favorite place came recommended by the Gatekeeper of Flavortown, Guy Fieri. Sam’s No. 3, an eclectic diner in LoDo (Lower Downtown for all you non-Denver natives) with some bomb green chile sauce. They pour it over some dynamite burritos, and the resulting meal is seriously out of bounds. I don’t know if Denver wants to be Seattle or if Seattle wants to be Denver more, but there was predictably some good craft breweries and food trucks everywhere you look. Some of the trucks had some pretty crazy stuff. I mean, who puts chicken and waffles on a pizza? Talk about wacky! Only in Denver, am I right? And who can leave the Rocky Mountains without trying rocky mountain oysters? Not me, that’s for sure.
Speaking of Coors Field, the day we went doubled as Meet the Players day. All the fans formed a ring around the field, and the Rockies players and coaches walked along the interior, greeting fans and stopping for pictures. It was a wonderful experience, taking tickets and time away from actual Rockies fans who would have enjoyed this more than an outsider like me. Nonetheless, I got up close and personal with some of Colorado’s best players.
My friend Charlie Blackmon
50-year-old Vinny Castilla
Some guy
It was the thrill of a lifetime, visiting my favorite baseball stadium named after beer. And what a great game we saw, too. It was a pitcher’s duel, not the typical Coors Field 10-9 slugfest. Needless to say, a low scoring game is exactly what I wanted to see!
Before I knew it, it was time to go home. Yeah, I did some other stuff, but you’ll see it one day. It’s good to be back. Will I ever return? Most likely. But, the Brian’s Den Bank is pretty drained at the moment. I’m always open to donations, though. I’ll gladly travel anywhere and give rave reviews about it if I’m paid by someone. Anyway, it was a good trip, and I’ll be presenting my airport findings ASAP.
Unbelievable. That’s really all I have to say. Unbelievable. In the back of my head, I knew this would happen, but my heart wanted to believe. I wanted to live in a world where the years of planning and trading and positioning and rumors would finally lead to something. A tangible result. A sign that, yeah, there’s a clear direction here and everyone knows what they’re doing. But now? I don’t really know anymore.
You’re going to tell me that all you got for the number one pick was a swap this year and a pick next year that they can only get if it falls between 2 and 5? Seriously? One additional draft pick? For the number one pick? And to a team in your own division? The Sixers were demanding Brooklyn picks, Avery Bradley, Marcus Smart, Isaiah Thomas, Kevin McHale’s retired jersey, and a lifetime of free meals from Union Oyster House for Nerlens Noel last year. And you give them the number one pick for pretty much nothing? Now, this trade technically won’t be official until tomorrow, so I’m hoping there’s more to it. But if it’s just for next year’s pick/2019’s pick? Then what was the point?
Now, maybe they just needed to get another top pick in order to make the long sought after big trade and still have something for the future. But if that player is Jimmy Butler or, God forbid, one season of Paul George I’ll lose my mind. I’m in Denver now, maybe I’ll just become a Nuggets fan. Or just go full heel and jump on the Warriors. JIMMY BUTLER, AL HORFORD, AND ISAIAH THOMAS AREN’T ENOUGH TO WIN A CHAMPIONSHIP. I’m just assuming Danny Ainge knows that, too. Celtics trade rumors are literally never true. This trade pretty much came out of nowhere. Maybe Ainge has something unexpected in the works. Or, maybe he doesn’t. Then, I ask again, what was the point?
Perhaps the most logical explanation is that they just didn’t think Markelle Fultz was The Guy. I did, but I’m just some schmo. If they didn’t think Fultz was their man, and knew the Lakers would get suckered into taking Lonzo Ball, moving down to three to get the guy they actually want makes some sense. It’s also going to free up some cap space in case they wanted to make any big signings in the offseason. In the immediate aftermath of the trade, all the pundits were saying Josh Jackson was going to be the pick. But why, though? He’s an athletic wing and tough defender who competes hard on both ends despite a less-than-refined skill set. So, Jae Crowder? Celtics already have that, and they have it for cheap. Unless they just want to flip Crowder for something to get a younger version with more upside, I don’t really see why they would take him. And, assuming the fact that they already have a million guards factored in to the decision to trade the number one pick, I’m hoping and praying that means Lonzo Ball is out of the question, too. Not because of his dad or anything. I just don’t think he’s going to be all that good. That pretty much leaves Jayson Tatum as the logical pick, which I’d be fine with, even with the annoying y in the middle of his name. He reminds me a lot of young Carmelo Anthony. He’s a smooth, if un-explosive, athlete with great size, a very advanced offensive game, and has some good defensive potential. I think he’d fit perfectly at the Celtics’ barren power forward position. He won’t be there defensively in the first few years (what young player is?), but he’ll be able to score right away. After watching some highlights, I’m all in on him now. Give me Tatum, don’t give me Jimmy Butler. Of course, all of this means the Celtics will take Luke Kennard number three and I’m going to want to run into oncoming traffic.
Just because I’m currently fighting against the Illuminati stronghold in Denver doesn’t mean I’ve been ignoring everything else. E3, otherwise known as the Video Game Trailer and Announcements Expo, just wrapped up, and, as usual, I’ve got the inside scoop about what you need to know/what you should be excited about/what you should ignore. Granted, if you aren’t a video game guy like myself, all this may not mean anything to you, but you already clicked on this, sooooooo, I don’t really care if you stop reading now. I’ve already got my pageviews.
Assassin’s Creed Origins- Listen, I understand these games have gotten far fetched and, in the eyes of the less history-obsessed public, haven’t had a particularly strong showing the last two games, but I still love them. Maybe it’s just because I think it’s cool to explore some of my favorite time periods. Well, this looks amazing. Ancient Egypt is an awesome backdrop, and hopefully they hit this out of the park. Now, let’s just not talk about the movie.
Skull and Bones- So take the sea combat from Assassin’s Creed Black Flag and make it online and customizable? I’m in.
South Park: The Fractured But Whole- Stick of Truth was amazing. This looks better.
Wolfenstein II- I’m not a big FPS guy, but this looks sweet. Mostly just because you’re killing Nazis.
Call of Duty: WWII- See above.
God of War- Well, that was arousing. God of War shaped my youth. I’ve always been a bit of a Greek mythology expert, so that probably helped further my devotion. Norse mythology was always kind of my second favorite, so brutally murdering every major figure should be a blast.
Spider-Man- It’s literally the Batman Arkham Series with a Spider-Man skin, but I’m fine with that. Spider-Man games are always sweet.
Super Mario Odyssey- I’d hate to be the guy that tries playing this high.
Uncharted: The Lost Legacy- I still don’t understand if this is just DLC or a full fledged game, but either way it looks sick.
Madden 18- I’ve got a serious hankering for football right about now.
Cuphead- I honestly thought this game came out years ago, but I guess it didn’t.
Vampyr- If I ever get arrested, this sentence may look bad, but the best part about the original Assassin’s Creed was that you could literally kill everyone you saw on the street with little to no consequence. This game says you can kill anyone you meet. So, yeah, I’m in.
Star Wars Battlefront II- I’m still pretty jaded by how much Battlefront sucked and how big of a rip off it was, but I’d be lying if I said I had no interest in slicing up hapless enemies with Darth Maul.
Kingdom Hearts 3- Finally, a new trailer! Wait, this was a trailer for the trailer? Seriously? This game is never coming out, is it? *sobs eternally*
The Bad/The Ugly
This was a trailer convention. Trailers are literally never bad. I bet a good percentage of these games will suck, but their trailers were great. If something has a bad trailer, odds are it’s never even going to make it to something like this.
Those of you with long memories will remember I mentioned a trip I was going on in the Spring. That I was going to Colorado to expose the mysteries of the Denver International Airport. Well, that time is nigh. Tomorrow morning, I’ll depart from the Brian’s Den and take the show on the road. Normally, I’d keep this quiet so that I could surprise my opponents and put them on the defensive. Well, I wanted to keep things sporting. The Powers that Be in Denver officially have 24 hours to prepare for my arrival. I’ll be ready for anything They throw at me. Flight delays. Random searches. Lost luggage. Closing every Cinnabon in the airport. I know They’ll try everything possible to get under my skin. Well, it won’t work. I’m a bulldog of a journalist. Once I get a story’s scent, nothing can shake me off of it. No matter how many times They try to knock me down, I’ll just keep getting right back up. I’m going to bring this place to its knees. I hope They’re ready.
For all non-conspiracy updates, follow my Instagram @briansden69 and my snapchat @briancurran11
Take a second and think of the greatest upsets of all time. The single game David vs. Goliaths like the 2001 Patriots or 2007 Giants. The season-long triumph of an out-of-nowhere team like Leicester City. The improbable comebacks like the 2004 Red Sox or 2016 Cavaliers. The rare seven game series where an on-paper inferior roster overcomes overwhelming odds to defeat the Super Team across from them, think 2007 Warriors, 2011 Mavericks, and, out newest entry, the 2017 Golden State Warriors.
Against all odds, the team that won 73 games last year and added Kevin Durant has won the championship. But honestly, I think most people saw this coming. They reduced the Cavs, last year’s champion and a Super Team in their own right, to scrappy underdogs who were happy to win one game. In a weird way, this series was both closer than it seemed and not as close as it seemed. The Cavs played well! At least, they did in games 3-5. LeBron was ridiculous, Kyrie got out of his funk and started painting an oeuvre of layups and crazy finishes that I’m not sure anyone who has ever played can match, and Iman Shumpert only hit the side of the backboard once a game. And they lost two out of three. Outside of game 3, the Warriors wins were wins. They completely wiped the floor with them in games 1, 2, and 5. No contest. The scores don’t even come close to reflecting how dominant they were. When the Cavs completely gagged game 3, I thought the Cavs would roll over. But, to their credit, they blew out the Warriors in game 4, then turned around an predictably lost in game 5. Now, of course, as with all things NBA and LeBron, the next question is what does this all mean?
LeBron should get out of this relatively unscathed. While he can’t blow his nose without someone questioning what it means for his legacy, he was amazing again this series. Did everything short of actually shooting the ball in clutch moments. First guy to ever lead both teams in points, rebounds, assists, steals, and blocks in a seven game series. That’s insane. LeBron is still LeBron, no matter who you think holds the fictional torch. In my mind, Kyrie didn’t really change his place in the league, either. He had a perfect Kyrie series: absolutely no defense whatsoever (except when he knows everyone is watching him guard Steph, so he actually tries a little), long stretches where he stinks, but the same number of stretches of utter brilliance. I don’t think anyone’s opinion of him really changed after this series. All the fools who think he’s a top ten player or the second best point guard in the league or better than Steph will stubbornly hold on to that until the day they die. The h8trs, like me (I think I might like him better if he was named, like, Robert or something), still will find places to criticize him. Like on defense. The truth is somewhere in between: offensively, he’s (just a disclaimer here: if you’re in the “80s/90s were better and basketball was real then and this new generation sucks and is watered down” crowd, you should probably stop reading this right now. It’s only going to get worse for you) pretty much the upgraded Allen Iverson: immaculate handles, best finishing around the rim for a little guy ever, much better shooting. Defensively, he’s worse than Steph, who everyone loves to point and laugh at. He is what he is at this point, which is obviously a great player. But unless he suddenly starts caring about defense, I don’t know how much better he can get. Then I gained a lot of respect for Kevin Love this series. His shot wasn’t always falling, but he was battling for his life on the glass and was playing the best defense of his career. He never quit, even when nothing was going down and he was stuck on island after island guarding Kevin Durant and Steph Curry, mostly because Ty Lue is a moron who doesn’t know what he’s doing. He was what Tristan Thompson is advertised as being. Everyone else on the Cavs SUCKED. J.R. got hot the last two games but was nothing before. Shumpert shouldn’t be in the league anymore. Deron Williams has made the “DWill or CP3?” debate seem like it was in another lifetime. Tristan Thompson should get a Depends sponsorship. Richard Jefferson was okay, but you need to use carbon dating to find his age. Kyle Korver was bad. In typical LeBron fashion, he threw subtle shade at his teammates during every postgame press conference. He seems to forget he’s acting GM of the team. And, of course, the classic quote:
LeBron: “I don’t believe I’ve played for a superteam. I don’t believe in that.” pic.twitter.com/gIf0quUafP
On the Warriors side, obviously it’s all good for everyone, except, of course, the haters. This was a perfect playoffs for my newly re-adopted favorite player, Steph Curry. I withdrew during the popularity and backlash, but now that he’s Back, so am I. He was great in pretty much every facet of the game. He’s never played better, and, more importantly, he’s never played better in the postseason. He proved once again that he’s a top 4 player in the league, and (hopefully, but probably not) shut up the people who are very vocal with their belief that Kyrie is better. All the tough guys always love to say “He doesn’t guard the other team’s point guard.” Honestly, who cares? He’s not a strong defender. He’s become underrated because the likes of Russell Westbrook (who will never make another NBA Finals, let alone win his second in three years) love to openly mock him, but he’s still not great. Klay Thompson is. If the other team’s backcourt is Kyrie Irving and J.R. Smith, and one of your guards is an elite perimeter defender, why the hell would you not have him guard the opponent’s best player? The Warriors are smart. They aren’t coached by Ty Lue, so typical positional matchups don’t dictate who is going to guard who. Kyrie guarded Steph every time in the early games because they were point guards. Steph dominated and Kyrie got tired out. LeBron guarded Kevin Durant. Durant dominated and LeBron, despite what he says, got tired out. You’d have to be a complete idiot to keep those defensive matchups more than you need to. Why should Steph be penalized for having a great defensive teammate? I really don’t get it. As for my man Klay, like Kyrie he stayed pretty much the same. Once he got hot, he was the same old Klay. Draymond could never get it going offensively, but he did so many little things on defense that lead to multiple blowouts. Somehow Zaza and Javale McGee are now champions. Somehow James Michael McAdoo is a two-time champion. David West’s insatiable thirst may finally be quenched. Iguodala showed why he’s the sixth man of the year. The fact that Shaun Livingston can even walk, let alone be a contributing member of multiple championship teams, is an accomplishment. Patrick McCaw and Ian Clark were there.
But, obviously, there’s only going to be one man’s name on everyone’s lips: Kevin Durant. What does this mean for his legacy? Did he ruin basketball? Is this title lessened because he had the gall to join an already stacked team? No, it really isn’t. Listen, you can feel however you want to feel about him. The hatred people feel is so deeply ingrained I don’t think there’s anything I can do to sway people. Seriously, you’d think he murdered everyone’s family or something. People call him a coward because he was a free agent. He’s soft, he’s a bitch, whatever. One guy I follow on Twitter tweeted, completely unprovoked and not replying to anything, to Kevin Durant that he was weak. At like, 3 pm today. As if saying that will make him feel bad about himself. You think he cares now? This was a business decision. He used the Warriors just like the Warriors used him. The accomplished their mission. He doesn’t give a damn what you say about him. Would people have been happier if he signed with the Nets? Why are you so mad that he left Oklahoma City? Because they had a good team? Well, the Warriors are good, too. Better, in fact. The whole point of free agency is that players should have some say in where they play. He didn’t want to be in Oklahoma City anymore. He spent nine years there, that’s way more time than anyone needs to spend there. Ever think he was just tired of it? That maybe, just maaaaaaaaaybe, he didn’t want to play with Russell Westbrook? Think about how awful it is to be a Thunder role player. You’re held hostage every game and have to bend over backwards to accommodate the world’s biggest temper tantrum throwing toddler. Now imagine you’re one of the five most naturally gifted players to ever play basketball and you have to do the same thing. Sounds pretty horrible to me. So, he left for an all time great team that knocked him out of the playoffs the year before. Who cares? It’s his choice. What if someone told you you weren’t allowed to leave a job you hate because a bunch of hardos on the Internet would yell at you? If you’re really that upset about him, get up, go outside, and take a nice long walk. Clear your head. Calm your nerves. Then come back and start firing off your tweets. Just don’t you dare say he’s just riding the bandwagon. He was the best player on the floor for either team. It was shocking when he missed a shot. All of a sudden, he’s Theo Ratliff on defense, too. The did more than pull his own weight. He dragged the Warriors over the finish line with his play. This didn’t “ruin basketball.” The Warriors are playing at a level few teams ever can match. Appreciate it while it’s here. The way these things work out, it won’t be permanent. Someone will get hurt, someone will want more money, someone will want their own team. The NBA isn’t closing up shop anytime soon, don’t worry. The Celtics and Bucks are rising in the East. The Spurs, Twolves, and Rockets are coming in the West. LeBron is getting older, and, assuming he gets his wish, the Banana Boat Super Team that comes together in a few years is going to stink. Now isn’t forever. The sun will still rise. The draft is next week. Even more incredibly talented players will join the league, making the “the league is watered down” crowd look worse by the day. The NBA has never been in a better spot. But maybe I’m just more optimistic than most. Maybe I can just look past my own outrage and see the bright future ahead. Maybe I can just see what other people can’t see: a home grown Celtics Super Team on the horizon. So, please, if you’re one of the people who are Mad Online, take a breath. Think happy thoughts. Think of whatever inferior era of basketball your nostalgia is telling you is the best. And listen to the official anthem of the Boston Celtics, the 2018-19 NBA Champions.
There’s no way around it: I’ve been living a charade. I’ve been deceiving almost everyone I’ve ever met for far too long. I could feel the complex web of lies I’ve built starting to crumble around me for a few months now, but then, last night, everything came crashing down around me. So, it’s time to come clean: I am not a hockey expert. Man, that felt good. Like a giant weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I’m not a hockey expert. Whatever you think the correct punishment is, I’ll take it. Throw the book at me. Lock me up and throw away the key. I’m not a hockey expert.
I thought I had everything figured out. Sure, pretty much all of my half-baked playoff predictions have been wrong, but I was still feeling good about my Finals pick. I mean, no one repeats in the NHL. It just doesn’t happen. It’s ingrained in the very fabric of the league: unpredictability and parity. But, lo and behold, the Penguins went and did it. It wasn’t always pretty, but they grinded out every game. Won it on grit and balls alone (with a sprinkling of two of the best players of the last 25 years). They just made the plays they needed to make. I’ve seen a couple places now comparing the Penguins to the Patriots due to the continued success in a league that doesn’t lend itself to it. I can definitely see the parallels. Built around a transcendent superstar (Brady/Crosby), a dominant secondary guy (Gronk/Moss/Malkin), and a rotating cast of fairly anonymous role players, both franchises are pretty much good every year. They’ve had the odd hiccup or two, but the Penguins almost always have one of the two or three best records in the East. They always play their best in the postseason. Literally everyone hates their fans and their best players. I’d embrace Penguins fans as kindred spirits, but then I’d have to associate myself with multiple people from Pittsburgh. Pittsburgh is one of those places where you really only want to know one person from there. One of my buddies is from Pittsburgh, so I’m at my quota. I’ll keep on disliking the Penguins so I can fit in with everyone else. Sorry. Now the question is, will they three-peat? Probably not. For all their talk of parity, the last ten or so champions have been the same three or four teams. It’s time for a random team to win. I thought we were gonna get that this year, but I’m definitely feeling it next year. I’m going with the Winnipeg Jets. Been a long, looooooooong time since a team named the Jets did anything noteworthy, and we all know the NFL version isn’t doing anything any time soon. So, the hockey version is about to pick up the slack. And, Canada is due for a win. The way these things work, the most forgettable Canadian team is going to be the one to break the dry spell. Write in pen: Jets 2018 Stanley Cup Champions.
Folks, it’s hot out there. Very hot. Whatever your favorite saying about how hot it really is definitely applies. I went to the beach thinking I might get some relief, but I was sorely mistaken. It was hot there, too. Luckily, as part of #teamsunblock, I didn’t pick up any sunburns. But the sand was like a hibachi grill. Every step was like getting stabbed by a thousand tiny knives. I wanted to amputate my feet. I still might, honestly. I got sand everywhere. I got sand in places I didn’t know I could get sand. And yet, despite that adversity, I’m still going to bring you some MLB Thoughts. I know, I know, you think I’m a hero. Listen, the real heroes are the school teachers and the baseball writers that put their beliefs over facts keep the game sacred. I’m just a guy with blazing hot MLB takes. But I can see how you would get it confused.
Ever since the Most Perfect Baseball Player Ever Mike Trout tragically passed away (on to the disabled list), we’ve been left with a power vacuum at the top of the league. “Who’s the best player in the league now?” Is it Clayton Kershaw? Bryce Harper? Perhaps Aaron Judge? Well, after looking over the facts, my mind is made up. Without a doubt, the best player in the league is currently Pablo Sandoval.
This is the third MLB Thoughts. Thus, it’s the third time I’m going to gloat about correctly predicted that the Rockies would be good this year. Don’t like it? Write to your local representative and ask him to make the Rockies stop winning games.
I wish the Red Sox offense would stop sucking.
I’m not usually a victim of small sample sizes, but I think Aaron Judge is pretty strong.
Why are the Twins good? They have the exact same team as last year when they lost a million games. I don’t get how they’re in first place.
I didn’t think they’d really have any competition, but the AL Central is giving the NL East a serious run for its money for the Worst Division Crown.
Speaking of why are they good and AL Central, how does Jason Vargas have a 2.18 ERA? Guy stinks.
Speaking yet again of why are they good, what’s up with Zack Cozart? His career high OPS was .769. He’s at 1.018 this year. He’s already got a career high in WAR, too. Forget Scooter Gennett, any random drug testers headed towards Cincinnati need to make a beeline for Cozart’s locker.
God, this Houston Astros super team is ruining the league. I mean, they’re just destroying everyone else in the league. Everyone knows they’re going to wind up in the World Series. Where’s the fun in that? I miss the 90s when it was more competitive. Sure, teams like the Yankees and Braves were dominant every year, but they had to fight more for it! The old guys were tougher! They didn’t just shoot 3s all the time! Sorry, I kind of blacked out for a second, there.
Aww, Manny Machado was spiked in the wrist and might go to the DL now? Why do bad things always happen to good people?
It would be the most Cubs thing ever if, after finally breaking through and winning the World Series, the turn around and miss the playoffs the next year with the exact same roster. Seriously, what’s going on with them? Was Dexter Fowler really that important? Every time the look like they’re ready to turn the corner, they lose three in a row or four out of five. And I know he’s everyone’s favorite fat guy (I love him, too, btw), but Schwarber has been bruuuuutalllll all season. Their numbers (particularly Bryant’s) are still pretty good, but something just seems off with the Kris Bryant-Anthony Rizzo tag team. They were a dynamic force all year last season, and there’s only been flashes of it this year. Guess it doesn’t help that both Jake Arrieta and Jon Lester both have ERAs over 4.
As we get into the dogs days of summer and there becomes a dearth of good talking points, expect there to be a lot of lamenting about how baseball is becoming more and more focused on the Three True Outcomes (strikeout, walk, home run). Strikeout rates continue to increase every year, home run rates are at their highest since the Steroid Era, and walk rates will increase as the value of on base percentage over batting average continues to grow. There’s going to be a lot of Goose Gossage-types who will come out of the woodwork and say that Back in Their Day, people actually put the ball in play and defense mattered. They will then say that they could have dominated in this era, even though the likes of Joe Kelly (Joe Kelly) can hit 100+ on the radar gun and some of the closers these days are almost literally impossible to hit against.
I also don’t get how the Giants can possibly be this bad. I mean, when you’re dead last in the league in runs scored (the Padres don’t count for the runs scored ranking anymore, since they’ve finished 30th out of 30 for 25 straight years), I guess that’ll lead to a lot of losses.
So, is the Phillies’ rebuild just going to be permanent or what? I get the Astros kind of ruined it for everyone else when they went from awful to great overnight a few years ago, but the Phillies have stunk for multiple years now. I don’t think Phillies’ fans would be too out of line to start expecting some results fairly soon.
Alright Yankees fans, I’ll acknowledge that the team is good. Maybe even legitimately good. But if you think I’m going to talk about how they just murder the Red Sox in back to back games, you’re sorely mistaken.
Just realized I never weighed in on the Bryce Harper v. Hunter Strickland fight. I don’t have a take I just realized I never actually talked about it.
MLB The Show 17 update: after grinding through an eternity in Tampa Bay, I finally hit free agency. I signed with Colorado because all I really care about are stats. Well, I’ve hit 120 combined homers in the first two years, so I think it’s going to work out just fine.
I realize they have good intentions, but the Reds’ camo jerseys are very bad.
The Rays’ “fauxback” jerseys are very good. Now someone please get Tropicana Field out of my sight forever.
Breaking News: The Mets stink.
Need more mascot race highlights. Haven’t had enough of them this year.
Well, I didn’t think Lord of the Rings would be the thing to put Viagra out of business, but here we are. For those who don’t know, E3, the annual video game expo, is going on as we speak. I’ll have a full roundup later, but this was too important not to address. I’m a huge Lord of the Rings guy. YYYUUUUUUUUUGGGGEEE. Aragorn is the greatest fictional king ever, IMO. So, needless to say, I’ve been looking forward to this game for a while. Shadow of Mordor was the first game I ever got for PS4, and it’s still easily one of the best I’ve played for the system. Shadow of War could be a GOAT game. This looks awwweeeeeessssssoooooomeeee. The Nazgul are in it? *swoon* You come face to face with Sauron? *faint* There’s an armored Balrog? Someone get me some tissues. I’m so ready for this. I need to get a time machine ASAP and go to October 10th.
Brian's Den 
