Author: Brian

Are Salacious Combine Questions Just a Way to Weed Out Snitches?

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source– Former LSU running back Derrius Guice said in an interview Wednesday that one NFL team asked about his sexuality and another inquired if his mother was a prostitute at the NFL Scouting Combine that concluded earlier this week. 

‘’It was pretty crazy,” Guice said in an interview on the SiriusXM NFL show Late Hits. “Some people are really trying to get in your head and test your reaction. … I go in one room, and a team will ask me do I like men, just to see my reaction. I go in another room, they’ll try to bring up one of my family members or something and tell me, ‘Hey, I heard your mom sells herself. How do you feel about that?’ “

So this is the big story in the NFL right now. Happens every year. Some prospect gets asked an outlandish, very inappropriate question by an anonymous scout. This time, it’s LSU running back Derrius Guice being asked if he’s gay and if his mom’s a prostitute. In years past, there was Dez being asked if his mom was a hooker, various people being asked when they lost their virginity, what type of underwear they prefer, whether they’d want to play for the Browns, and other intrusive, personal questions no one should have to answer in a job interview. These questions are so uncalled for, in fact, that it makes me think that the coaches and scouts have agreed to ask these questions as a way to find who’s more likely to run to the press whenever something goes wrong.

Think about it: do you want Dez Bryant or Derrius Guice on your team? I don’t. He’s got distraction written all over him. What happens in the locker room/combine interview room stays in the locker room, man. I guarantee whatever team drafts him is gonna have some “anonymous player” leak issues. If he runs to the media every time someone insinuates his mom is a prostitute, what’s gonna happen when he gets called out in a players’ only meeting? A piece in the Players’ Tribune? No thanks. I’ll take the guy who internalizes the weird questions and swallows his feelings like a real man. Think it’s a coincidence scouts didn’t ask Jason Witten if he thinks his mother is attractive?

Listen, the NFL is a brotherhood. We all know this. Everyone gone through this process: you work out in your underwear while older men eye you up and down, then you get asked weird questions to see if you’re mentally tough enough to keep your mouth shut. It’s not that hard. Guice is a talented player, but why should anyone draft someone so fragile? What do you think Mike Singletary would think about players who leak their combine questions?

Enough said. Respect the combine process, dammit.

I’m Moving to New York City

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Folks, it’s official: the Brian’s Den is on the move. The new permanent location (until I run out of money)? New York, New York. The City that Never Sleeps. The Big Apple. Everyone who’s anyone lives in either New York or Los Angeles, and I can’t afford to move across the country, so here we are. The Brian’s Den is about to be in the media hub of the world, which can only lead to one thing: global takeover.

So why now? Well, my lease is up April 1st. After living in Vermont and Connecticut for the first 26 years of my life, I’ve had my fill of quiet, sleepy towns and I’m ready for a change. It’s probably not too hard to figure out if you read my posts, but I don’t live a particularly “happy” or “fulfilled” life. Will moving to New York help me change that? Yes and no. Yes because there are so many more opportunities to spread my wings and actually do something I want to do for a living, no because New York is a terrible place to live. But I’ll take the good with the bad, for now.

What do I actually plan to do? I’m glad you asked. Not many people know this, but I had a whole scheme planned out in college. I would write a book, the book would become a best seller, I’d write the movie adaptation, convince the studio to let an untrained nobody to star in said movie, and I’d become a star. I actually believed this would happen. So I wrote the book, only it never got published. Dream shattered. Next thing I know, it’s four years later and I’m a miserable slacker who’s got nothing to point at and say, “yeah, that’s something I accomplished.” So, when my roommates and I decided not to renew our lease, I decided I was through wallowing in self pity. Writing and story telling are literally my only skills in life, so I got to work on a script. Then another script. Then another. After four years of being away from the creative writing process I had forgotten that, even though it sucks thinking of stuff and actually typing it all out and having writer’s block and getting up the nerve to ask people to read it, I actually enjoyed it. I realized doing it for a living would be the only way I would ever be happy. So I’m gonna go for it. I’ve put most of my time into a show I’d like to get made. Will it happen? Probably not. But I’m counting on the fact that the strength of that script and some other ones in my portfolio will be enough to get me a job on some established show, or some production company, or literally any job at all. It also might blow up in my face and I’ll end up panhandling on the street within two months. But, much like Papa Roach, at least I could say I tried. Plus, being in New York would give me tons of good #content, and, hopefully, give me some chances to start make videos again.

Listen, I’m 26. That’s ancient to be breaking into the entertainment industry. I look younger than I really am so I can lie about my age, but the fact remains that time was running out for me to even think about trying this. I’ve lived with various regrets all my life, and I don’t think I can last another 50 years with the thought that I wasted my true calling because I was too lazy to do anything about it hanging over me. Is it a risk? Sure. But it’s a calculated one. I wouldn’t be doing this if I didn’t think I could be successful. I mean, I see some of the crap the put on TV these days like Young Sheldon, or a Roseanne remake no one wanted, or the new CBS show about a magician solving crimes and I know for a fact I can do better than that. It’s just a matter of getting lucky at the right time. Is the acting itch still there? Of course it is. I’d like to meet the person that’s never wanted to be a movie star just so I can call them a liar. But that won’t be what I focus on. Maybe I’ll try and get an audition here and there, but I’ve been beaten down by the world the last few years. I’ve got an unhealthy amount of self awareness. I know I’ve got at least a small amount of talent but no training or experience besides when I was dicking around in college, so if two or three different people tell me I’m terrible I can walk out with my head held high because I actually put myself out there, which is more than most people can say. But, again, I wouldn’t be doing this if I didn’t think I could succeed. Will it happen instantly? I hope so but probably not. Will money be tight and life be miserable at first? Yep. But that’s a small price to pay if I can actually wake up in the morning with some kind of purpose. Besides delivering powerful takes, of course.

For anyone concerned with where I’ll live and if it’ll be a safe neighborhood, don’t worry. I’ve got that covered.

2018 Oscar Predictions

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Ladies and gentlemen, live from the Brian’s Den, it’s the second annual Academy Awards Predictions! Here’s your host- Brian!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K17s72GR_Fo

Thank you! Thank you! Wonderful to be here tonight. So many stars in the audience. I know everyone’s looking for him, so I might as well just come out and say it: you won’t see Daniel Day-Lewis in the crowd tonight. That’s because I’m actually Daniel Day-Lewis! I’ve been watching every awards show opening monologue for the last 20 years to prepare for this, and I think I’ve got it down pat. I think this is where I roast the audience, so bear with me as I scan the crowd.

Looks like Timothée Chalamet is here. Timothée Chalamet, ladies and gentlemen. That’s such a pretentious name that the first time I heard it I thought he was a character in a Terrence Malick movie! Oh! Haha, we have fun here. Oh, oh, Meryl Streep’s here! You heard that right, Meryl Streep is actually at the Oscars! It’s about time she got some recognition. Hate to see it when talented performers go entire careers without being thrust into the spotlight, so I’m thrilled to see her get her due. I think I speak for everyone here when I say we love having you here and are definitely not sick of you whatsoever. Willem Dafoe’s here! Hey, Willem, I hear you’ve got a huge dick. Boom, roasted. Christopher Nolan’s here! Dunkirk was based on a real event, and it’s ending still wasn’t as predictable as Dark Knight Rises! Is that Greta Gerwig is see? Folks, Greta here is nominated for Best Director tonight. Can you believe it? A woman getting Best Director? I haven’t heard a joke that good since I found out why the chicken crossed the road! Haha. No? Uhh, well this is awkward. Let’s just move on, then. Without further ado, the official Brian’s Den Oscar Predictions 2018!

Best Supporting Actor

Christopher Plummer, All the Money in the World

Richard Jenkins, Shape of Water

Sam Rockwell, Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri (Winner) Three Billboards is the annual “Oscar contender that I haven’t seen yet,” but he’s won every other award, despite being apparently problematic. In 2018, that’s all the proof I need.

Willem Dafoe, Florida Project

Woody Harrelson, Three Billboards

Best Supporting Actress

Allison Janey, I, Tonya (Winner) I’m honestly not sure why everyone just decided Allison Janey needed to win, but I’m not in the business of giving incorrect opinions.

Laurie Metcalf, Lady Bird

Lesley Manville, Phantom Thread

Mary J. Blige, Mudbound

Octavia Spencer, Shape of Water

Best Original Screenplay

Jordan Peele, Get Out

Greta Gerwig, Lady Bird

Kumail Nanjiani, Emily V. Gordon, The Big Sick

Guillermo del Toro, Vanessa Taylor, Shape of Water

Martin McDonagh, Three Billboards (Winner) Don’t know how something can win Best Picture but not win Best Screenplay. Whoops, forgot to throw a spoiler alert in there.

Best Adapted Screenplay

James Ivory, Call Me by Your Name

Scott Frank, James Mangold, Michael Green, Logan (Winner) Yeah, I’m still addicted to X-Men.

Aaron Sorkin, Molly’s Game

Dee Rees, Virgil Williams, Mudbound

Scott Neustadter, Michael H. Webber, The Disaster Artist

Best Cinematography

Blade Runner 2049 (Winner) Call me small brained, but the bright colors and effects mesmerized me.

Darkest Hour

Dunkirk

Mudbound

Shape of Water

Best Costume Design

Darkest Hour

Phantom Thread

Beauty and the Beast (Winner) If I say B+B will win, Emma Watson will surely go on a date with me!

Shape of Water

Victoria & Abdul (what the hell is this movie???)

Best Sound Mixing

Baby Driver

Blade Runner 2049 (Winner) Some quality Sci-Fi sound bursts in there.

Dunkirk

Star Wars: The Last Jedi

Shape of Water

Best Sound Editing

Baby Driver

Blade Runner 2049

Dunkirk (Winner) Why not?

Star Wars: The Last Jedi

Shape of Water

Best Film Editing

Baby Driver

I, Tonya

Three Billboards

Dunkirk (Winner) I mean, I was able to follow the story, so maybe everyone else is just an uneducated philistine.

Three Billboards

Best Visual Effects

Blade Runner 2049 (Winner) Stacked category but this was the best movie so I’ll assume they’ll just get it.

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

Kong: Skull Island

Star Wars: The Last Jedi

War for the Planet of the Apes

Best Makeup

Victoria & Abdul

Wonder

Darkest Hour (Winner) No brainer.

Best Original Song

Mystery of Love, Call Me by Your Name

Remember Me, Coco (Winner) Biggest cakewalk of all time.

Stand Up for Something, Marshall

Mighty River, Mudbound

This is Me, The Greatest Showman

Best Original Score

Dunkirk

Phantom Thread

Star Wars: The Last Jedi

Shape of Water (Winner) Don’t remember any of these scores so I just picked one.

Three Billboards

Best Animated Short

Dear Basketball

Garden Party

Lou (Winner) As long as it’s not the Kobe one.

Negative Space

Revolting Rhymes Part Ones

Best Live Action Short

DeKalb Elementary (Winner) Flip a coin between this and Watu Wote.

My Nephew Emmett

The Eleven O’Clock

The Silent Child

Watu Wote: All of Us

Best Short Documentary

Edith+Eddie

Heaven is a Traffic Jam on the 405

Heroin(e)

Knife Skills (Winner) Talk about a sweet title.

Traffic Stop

Best Documentary Feature

Abacus: Small Enough to Jail

Faces Places (Winner) Just trying to figure out which one is about the Holocaust/ oppression in third world countries.

Icarus

Last Men in Aleppo

Strong Island

Best Foreign Language Film

A Fantastic Woman

Loveless

On Body and Soul

The Insult (Winner) This movie is from Lebanon. Enough said.

The Square

Best Animated Film

Coco (Winner) Sorry, Boss Baby

Ferdinand

Loving Vincent

The Boss Baby

The Breadwinner

Best Production Design

Beauty and the Beast (Winner) If I pick it to win two awards, she’ll definitely go out with me!

Blade Runner 2049

Darkest Hour

Dunkirk

Shape of Water

Best Actor in a Leading Role

Myself, Phantom Thread

Daniel Kaluuya, Get Out

Denzel Washington, Roman J. Israel, Esq.

Gary Oldman, Darkest Hour (Winner) Still think he got robbed for Air Force One.

Timothée Chalamet, Call Me by Your Name

Best Actress in a Leading Role

Saoirse Ronan, Lady Bird

Sally Hawkins, Shape of Water

Meryl Streep, The Post

Margot Robbie, I, Tonya

Frances McDormand, Three Billboards (Winner) Please not Meryl, please not Meryl, please not Meryl, please not Meryl, please not Meryl, please not Meryl.

Best Director

Christopher Nolan, Dunkirk

Greta Gerwig, Lady Bird

Guillermo del Toro, Shape of Water (Winner) Deserves it for the sex scenes alone.

Jordan Peele, Get Out

Paul Thomas Anderson, Phantom Thread

Best Picture

Call Me by Your Name

Darkest Hour

Dunkirk

Get Out

Lady Bird

Phantom Thread

The Post

Shape of Water

Three Billboards (Winner) It’s gonna win. Write it in stone.

I’m Way Too Into X-Men Right Now

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Before I get started, I’d like to let it be known that, even though I’ve dipped my toes into some pretty nerdy waters before, this post might take the cake. But before you make fun of me and try to stuff me into a locker, remember that I’m built like a Greek God and I’m the one with the internationally popular website, not you.

I saw Black Panther last week. Saw it twice, actually (yes, that makes me more woke than you). It was awesome. Got me wicked hyped for Avengers. Like, 8-year-old-kid-when-he-realizes-Christmas-is-a-month-away hyped. And, like what usually happens whenever a new superhero movie comes out, it got me back into comic books. And when I say I get into comics, I mean I get into them.

Unlike in my youth, when I would constantly read comics and watch all the superhero TV shows I could, I take more of a binge approach these days. Usually about once a year, I’ll just get an uncontrollable urge to start reading comics again. Luckily, I’ve built a fairly robust collection over the years, so I can always read what I already, but sometimes that isn’t enough. And, being a slave to my impulses, that typically means buying a lot more. Now, I could easily go on a rant about how comics (and books in general) are waaaaayyyyyy too expensive, but that’s for another time. Besides, when you’re deep in the throes of passion in a spending spree, cost becomes nothing. There’s a comic book store within walking distance of my house (which, much like the McDonald’s within walking distance of my house, I’m proud of how few times I’ve gone), so, naturally, I paid it a visit. Bought some Wolverine, bought some X-Men, bought some Batman, it was nice (I know you’re wondering, so my take on the great Marvel vs. DC debate: Even though I’ve always loved Batman (yes, I know it’s become cool to drag Batman online, but I don’t care. I’ll be a Batman stan until the day I die) (I’m also not stupid and know anyone with powers would beat him in a fight), I just like Marvel better. Their respective cinematic universes haven’t done much to sway that opinion. #sorrynotsorry). It felt good to be back in the comics world, at least momentarily. But when I read the X-Men, something awakened in me that I somehow wasn’t expecting: my inner X-Men fanboy.

I’ve always loved X-Men. They’re the number one Marvel property, IMO. I love the comics. I loved the original cartoon. I loved X-Men Evolution and think it’s the most underrated superhero show of the early 2000s. I’m a sucker for all the movies, even though some of them are pretty bad. There’s been a ton of cartoon series since Evolution that I haven’t watched that I’m pretty sure I’d love. X-Men just speak to me. Maybe it’s because I think it’s the easiest to imagine myself in that universe: everyone is just born with their powers. Not everyone’s a brilliant scientist, not everyone’s a multi-billionaire, no special event gave them fantastic abilities. They were just born that way (yes, I’ve created multiple versions of myself with various overpowered mutant abilities. I think anyone who hasn’t is weird) (it’s easy to say that I really only want to be able to fly in a world without powers, but if mutants were real and flight was my only ability and there were people out there who could read minds and destroy the planet with a thought and create their own pocket universe I’d be seriously pissed). When I entered that universe again for the first time in at least a year, I knew I needed more. So I downloaded the Marvel app on my phone, and let me tell you, this thing’s dangerous. It’s got pretty much every issue and every collection of every Marvel story ever published available at the touch of a finger. I just kind of blacked out. When I came to, I saw I owned the entire first volume of All-New X-Men from 2013, among other things. I’ve almost finished all of it already. I can’t satiate this hunger. Every second of free time I have not spent reading X-Men comics feels like a waste (that might be the nerdiest sentence I have ever written). On Saturday night my friends went out, had a good time, and probably talked with some respectable ladies while I stayed in my room reading (I can feel your envy, but please. Jealousy is the ugliest trait). I’m trying to figure out how much more money I can actually spend before I can’t afford to live anymore. I’ve even done some research into becoming a writer for X-Men, but when I found out you had to do things like “grind,” and “pay your dues,” and “have a resume,” and a bunch of other things that said you can’t just walk into Marvel HQ and say you want a job, I gave that up. Honestly, I’m kind of scared. I don’t know when I’m going to get my life back. Don’t get me wrong, I’m enjoying this phase, but I’m worried this obsession is going to consume me perpetually. I’ve got things I need to do, takes I need to form. How can I give responsible sports takes if I’m too distracted to even know what’s happening? I almost missed McDonald’s dropping the Szechuan Sauce (again) because I was too distracted. The world is leaving me behind and I don’t know how to escape the X-Men. I don’t even know if I want to, honestly. If you told me I could get every X-Men issue ever made and die when I was finished reading them, I’d probably do it. When it was time for me to die it would seem like a bad idea, sure, but right now it sounds pretty appealing. Dammit, I’m addicted to X-Men, and I don’t know how to get clean (in reality, I just need to not spend a completely irresponsible amount of money for the next, like, week and I’ll move on to something else).

While we’re here, might as well do some X-Men Power Rankings:

Top Five Mutants

  1. Iceman– I don’t know why, but I just really love ice powers. He’s vastly underrated.
  2. Beast– Beast is awesome and the team would fall apart if he wasn’t there.
  3. Jean Grey– She can essentially cause Armageddon singlehandedly, so, yeah, I’ll take her on my team. I also like redheads, so sue me.
  4. Wolverine– I’d be trying too hard if I made a top five mutant list and didn’t include Wolverine.
  5. Magneto– For what it’s worth, I feel like I would kind of agree with Magneto if I were a mutant.

Top Five Powers

  1. Reality Warping– Easily the most unfair power and if you have a decent secondary power you’re pretty much God.
  2. Flying– I just want to soar with the eagles and set my spirit free.
  3. Healing– Would take the anxiety out of virtually everything, but could also lead to nihilism.
  4. Energy Projection– You’d just be a Dragon Ball Z character in real life.
  5. Any kind of physical mutation– I’d rather be blue with a weak power than be normal with a decent power. Got to be memorable.

Bottom Five Powers

  1. Telepathy– I don’t want to know my own thoughts, why would I want to know anyone else’s?
  2. Technopathy– Having your power be the ability to control machines would be so lame.
  3. Healing other people– If my power doesn’t benefit me, I don’t want it.
  4. Fire manipulation– Could get out of hand quickly.
  5. Immortality– Only a sucker would want to be immortal. Saps the meaning out of absolutely everything.

Top Five X-Men Storylines

  1. Age of Apocalypse– So much better than the movie made it out to be.
  2. Dark Phoenix Saga– There’s a reason it’s been adapted a million times.
  3. Days of Future Past– If you don’t like excessive time travel, you should probably stay away from X-Men.
  4. God Loves, Man Kills– If you aren’t on Magneto’s side here you’re probably a bad person.
  5. Messiah Complex– I read it like, two days ago so I’ll just put it here even if it doesn’t deserve it.

Ranking the Movies

  1. Logan
  2. X2
  3. Days of Future Past
  4. Deadpool
  5. First Class
  6. The Wolverine
  7. X-Men
  8. Apocalypse
  9. Last Stand
  10. X-Men Origins: Wolverine

As Should Be Ashamed of Ourselves as a Society for Allowing Beet Snacks to Exist

So there I was, minding my own business in the grocery store, when what do mine eyes see? Another in the growing list of foods that should not exist: beet flavored snack crips. Not only beet flavored, but made of beets!

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Initially, I felt deep anger. Why would anyone want this? Why would anyone think this needed to be made? Who would hate themselves enough to eat these? The answer, it turns out, is me. I couldn’t resist this demented food curiosity.

#snackreview for the good thins beet flavored crisps. 😖😖😖😖😖😖😖

A post shared by Brian’s Den (@briansden69) on

 

Maybe the worst thing I’ve ever eaten, and I’ve eaten a lot of bad things. I just don’t understand why we need this? What is the demand for beet snacks? Are we as a society so helpless that we need to eat disgusting beet flavored snacks to tell ourselves we’re healthy? What happened to just eating regular old fruits and veggies?

Listen, what people eat isn’t really my business. Eat what you want, when you want. But junk food is my world. You mess with salty snacks and you mess with me. These are an abomination and an insult to Nabisco’s legacy. You already make Wheat Thins! Those are kind of healthy. Is that not good enough anymore? Do we really need to appeal to every possible palate and every dietary need? How about if you want to eat healthy you just don’t eat Doritos? Is that so crazy? I shouldn’t have to look at beet flavored snacks when I go grocery shopping. And you know the only people buying these (besides me) are moms who are trying to force their stupid children to eat healthier. You really think little Aiden is gonna be happy when he takes out a bag of beet thins at lunch and all his friends have real chips? That’s how bullying starts. Beet thing only belong in one place.

Quite frankly, I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired of Big Snack slapping me in the face with these science experiments. This has been going on way too long. Know your audience. Do think the people that buy their body weight in Cheez-Its, Pringles, Goldfish, Doritos, Oreos, and every other salty or sweet snack under the sun want vegetable flavored snack crisps? As someone who fits the previous description, the answer is no. Snack companies need to accept that stoners (I’m not a stoner, Mom, don’t worry. I just eat like one), not suburban moms are the key demographic. Why do you think Mountain Dew and Doritos are so powerful? Because they embrace this fact and run with it. Nabisco is responsible for things like Nutter Butters, Chips Ahoy, Oreos, Cheese Nips, and Chicken in a Biskit and now they want to make beet flavored snacks? Get out of here with that nonsense. I’m old enough to remember when the snack world was pure and no one cared about how unhealthy everything was. I fear I may also be young enough to live to see a day where the unhealthy snacks get pushed to the margins to make room for the growing wave of healthy, completely inedible snacks. And that, friends, is enough to bring a tear to my eye.

While we’re talking about grocery store, I had to include this story, as it pertains to the Grocery Store Rules.

source– An 87-year-old man has been invited back to an Upstate New York Wegmans grocery store after he was banned from the premises for sampling hot soup last week.

In a viral Facebook post that has since been deleted, Maureen Singer said her father, Herb, was booted out of the Johnson City Wegmansafter a member of the store’s Asset/Protection Department accused him of “stealing” hot soup.

Singer also wrote that he was made to sign paperwork he did not understand, and told he could not return to the store where he also gets his medication from the pharmacy for two years.

She admits that Herb did take a “few spoonfuls of soup — which he understands to be samples.” It was not clear if he was using the same spoon or a different spoon for each sampling.

I don’t care how old you are, if you take hot soup and eat it before paying for it, you deserve to get banned for life. I stand with Wegman’s 100% and it’s total B.S. they had to apologize. This old geezer is lucky I wasn’t there, or he would have faced a much stiffer penalty than just signing some paperwork.

To refresh, the Grocery Store Rules:

  • Use the correct carrying device. If you’re only getting a few small things, take a basket not a full cart.
  • If your total items is more than or equal to the allotted number for the express line, don’t use it.
  • Don’t sample something if it’s not a free sample. I see (usually older) people open a bag of grapes and eat one or two then put it back all the time, and it’s the closest I come to committing murder.
  • Take a number at the deli and wait your turn. You’d be surprised how many people don’t understand this concept.
  • If you have to return something (whether it’s expired and you were too blind to realize it or whatever other reason you make up), don’t eat half of it first.
  • Don’t stop you cart in the middle of an aisle. Go to one side. Also have some kind of awareness for where the best place to park is. Directly in front of all the chicken blocking everyone isn’t it.
  • If you aren’t elderly or impaired in some way, don’t walk really slow when you know people are behind you.
  • Don’t hold the refrigerator/freezer doors open for longer than you need to.
  • Don’t open something before you buy it. This might just be my own pet peeve, but still.
  • At least attempt to control your unruly children.
  • For the love of God, don’t ask one of the employees (who probably want to kill themselves because they work at a grocery store) if there’s more of something in the back. What, do you think there’s an entire other store in the back full of stuff they don’t want you to buy? Use your brain.

If you don’t understand these basic tenants of society, odds are you’re too oblivious to function in a civilized culture in the first place.

Red Sox Sign J.D. Martinez

J.D. Martinez

 

Forget about everything I said about the Red Sox not being contenders, because the World Series is back on!!! Who needs Stanton? Who needs Judge? J.D. is in the house and about to hit 10,000,000,000 balls over the Monster this season. A perfect contract, too. And Hanley is TB12 now? 162-0. Let’s gooooooooo.

NBA All Star Saturday Predictions

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Nothing quite like NBA All-Star Weekend. I’m pretty sure I went into this last year, but it’s pretty much always been a huge part of my life, and Saturday Night is the crown jewel. Watching the random specials on TNT starting at like 5 pm bleeding into the actual show at 8 is a time honored tradition in the Brian’s Den. Unfortunately, my All-Star Weekend viewership is taking a bit of a hit this year. For the first time since like, 2005 I had to miss the Celebrity Game (without Tom Cavanagh there’s nothing to miss) and most of the Rising Stars. I’m seeing Black Panther tomorrow, which may turn into an all day affair if the crowds are still absurd. But I’ll always make time for All-Star Saturday. This is a challenging time in my life (nothing bad. Quite the opposite, in fact. I’ll get to it later) and I feel great having the Dunk Contest be my rock in the storm. Anyway, I’m never too busy to lend my prognosticating skills to All-Star Saturday, so let’s dive right in.

Taco Bell Skills Challenge

Field:

Joel Embiid, Buddy Hield, Al Horford, Lou Williams, Andre Drummond, Spencer Dinwiddie, Lauri Markkanen, Jamal Murray

Love me a good corporate sponsorship, especially one with a company as forward thinking as Taco Bell. I may just go out and get some Nacho Fries before the event kicks off. Taco Bell, Live Mas. As far as the actual event goes, got to go Horford, here. Why? Because I’m a Celtics fan, that’s why!

Pick: Al Horford

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JBL Three-Point Contest

Field:

Eric Gordon, Devin Booker, Klay Thompson, Bradley Beal, Paul George, Kyle Lowry, Wayne Ellington, Tobias Harris

I’m old enough to remember when this was the Foot Locker Three-Point Contest. Smh these millennials don’t know how good they have it. This feels like a weak field, even though it’s really not. Probably because Steph Curry isn’t here and Wayne Ellington and Tobias Harris are. Oh, well. Although I’m a big Dunk Contest stan, the three-point is more consistently entertaining. A bad three-point is infinitely better than a bad dunk contest. So, I’m sure this will wind up being pretty good, especially if Klay gets it going. Which he will.

Pick: Klay Thompson

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Verizon Slam Dunk

Field:

Victor Oladipo, Donovan Mitchell, Larry Nance, Jr., Dennis Smith, Jr.

I’m also old enough to remember when it was the Sprite Slam Dunk. R.I.P. old corporate sponsorships. Gone, but not forgotten. Apropos of nothing besides dreams of past Sprite Slam Dunks, the 2005 Dunk Contest might be the most underrated ever, both because of Josh Smith’s seemingly forgotten brilliance and the most “I wish Twitter was around for this” moment of my lifetime, Chris Andersen’s never-ending barrage of misses:

How about Magic declaring the Dunk Contest Back way back in 2005! Crazy that it’s been Back so many times since then. I’m actually pretty hyped for this year’s contest. Lot of freaky athletes here. I think any of the four could win (that’s what you call #analysis) but I’m going Dennis Smith, Jr. because I think he can jump the highest (more #analysis). Has there ever been a Dunk Contest with two juniors?

Pick: Dennis Smith, Jr.

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Mookie Betts and Xander Bogaerts Say There Was Tension in the Red Sox Clubhouse Last Season

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source– FORT MYERS, Fla. — For a team that won 93 games and a division title, the Boston Red Sox rarely seemed to be having any fun last year. Now, as they prepare for a new season with practically the same roster, two prominent players are admitting there were problems in the clubhouse.

Mookie Betts said Thursday that the 2017 Red Sox felt “tension in the locker room.” Xander Bogaerts took it further, describing “head-butts” and “disagreements” and expressing a need for the team to learn from the experience and go forward.

“I mean, we all know. We all know what was going on,” Bogaerts said. “I don’t think I really want to get into details. The quicker we move on is the better for all of us.”

The Red Sox spent 105 days in first place last season and won the American League East by two games over the surging New York Yankees. But they fell in the first round of the playoffs for a second consecutive year, absorbing a pair of 8-2 blowouts in the first two games against the Houston Astros and getting eliminated in Game 4 at Fenway Park.

Mini-controversies were ever present with the Red Sox last season.

In April, television cameras caught second baseman Dustin Pedroia shouting, “It’s not me, it’s them,” at Baltimore Orioles star Manny Machado after Red Sox reliever Matt Barnes threw a pitch behind Machado’s head. Left-hander David Price screamed at a reporter in a hallway underneath Yankee Stadium in June then humiliated Hall of Famer Dennis Eckersley on the team plane a month later for an innocuous comment during a TV broadcast. In August, a trainer was caught using a smartwatch to relay stolen signs to players.

“I think [there was] just tension in the locker room as far as if things were down,” Betts said. “We could have had more fun. Through the rough times, I think those are the times when we could have had a little more fun instead of being down so much.”

Said Bogaerts: “We had a lot of stuff going on last year, to be honest. We all live and learn. We can’t just sit back and keep reminding ourselves about the past. That’s not something we want to do.”

Uhhhhh, ya think?

Last season sucked for the Red Sox. As bad as a division-winning season could be. Chris Sale was the best pitcher in the league for the first half then just ran out of gas and got destroyed in the playoffs. David Price was hurt all year and his prickly relationship with the very prickly Boston media ruin what should have been a pretty inspirational return to the bullpen. Every week they had a new feud with a different team. I completely forgot about the stupid Apple Watch scandal. Everyone just seemed so out of it and so pouty and everything just sucked. Saying there was tension in the Red Sox clubhouse is like saying LeBron doesn’t like Isaiah Thomas.

But, I don’t know if you heard, but pitchers and catchers reported, which means all the problems go away. They also have a new manager, so now all the problems definitely go away. That’s how it works, right? I’m actually pretty pumped for Alex Cora to take over, but the only way anything changes is if the players actually start caring again. And let’s be honest- unless something crazy happens this team isn’t going to sniff the World Series. The Yankees, Astros, and Indians are all better than them, and the Red Sox big move is probably going to be signing Logan Morrison. Yipee. So, unlike last year, the expectations are pretty much gone. If they just become a fun team to watch and grab one of the Wild Card spots, I’d be perfectly happy with the season. But if this keeps snowballing and becomes Chicken and Beer, pt. 2, then I don’t see how they don’t make even more wholesale changes. Not to spoil my eventual MLB preview, but I’m of the mind that they’ll make the playoffs, if for no other reason than they have a manager with a brain. But, not to dip too far into the Boston talk show host waters, the Sox do a lot of bitching to the media. Maybe tone down the complaining just a little? The team needs a little more mental toughness to ever reach their potential, I don’t think that’s too warm of a take. I think Alex Cora can certainly help with that. If you’re actually enjoying yourself, odds are you’ll play better. But, at the same time, you shouldn’t need to be having fun to play well. If you’re a professional, you should be able to motivate yourself regardless of the situation and not then blame it on outside circumstances. Which is what a lot of Red Sox like to do. I don’t know, I feel like I’m already talking myself out of this season, which I definitely don’t want to do, so I’ll just stop.

TL;DR- Sox need to grow up.