Boban Marjanovic Added to the Cast of John Wick 3

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source– Los Angeles Clippers center Boban Marjanović has joined the cast of John Wick: Chapter 3, multiple sources have told Collider.

Representatives for Lionsgate and Marjanović did not immediately respond to requests for comment.

Chad Stahelski returns to direct the sure-to-be action-packed sequel, which will feature the Serbian basketball star as an assassin, according to sources. His gigantic hands could end up posing a problem for our badass hero. Marjanović stands an imposing 7 feet, 3 inches, and he previously played for the San Antonio Spurs and the Detroit Pistons.

Alright, I’m trying not to overreact, here. I really am. But John Wick 3 is going to be the greatest movie ever made. It literally can’t fail. They already added Halle Berry, Jason Mantzoukas, and beast Hiroyuki Sanada to the star-studded Wickverse. But now the spiritual successor to Andre the Giant? Dear lord.

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I’m a known Wick stan. Before I saw John Wick 2, I ranked John Wick as the third best action movie character of all time. I never updated my list on here, but believe me, I’ve got a running list. And J-Wick is making a run at the McClane crown, which I thought was impossible. And if he can take down Boban? We might have to start a serious dialogue about who the GOAT is.

Boban was born for this. I honestly can’t believe this hasn’t happened sooner. He’s got the look, he’s got the personality, he’s got the star power. He was destined to be a lead henchman/bodyguard/intimidating assassin/giant with a heart of gold. This is a potential film goldmine, and it’s really no surprise that the John Wick team is who discovered it. It doesn’t even matter if he’s a good actor or not. Just stand there and be Boban and it’s a home run. The only concern would be that he’s too nice, but if you just show him some footage of kittens and puppies being abused and tell him John Wick did it, I think it’ll work out fine.

So now the question is how is Boban used, here? We know John’s on the run from the Continental and the entire assassin world, so is Boban friend or foe? I think the easy reaction is to assume he’ll be a bit character used to show the diverse assassin pool and he’ll get quickly eliminated, but I think that’d be a waste. I think Boban starts off coming for John’s head, but after chasing him through some presumably Eastern European backstreets, develops a level of respect and the two form a deep bond. We’ve seen One-Man-Army John Wick before (and it always plays), but how about buddy cop John Wick? Wick and Boban going back-to-back, facing down an army of assassins, then taking out the trash (I’m not worldly enough to know the state of European streets, but I’m going to assume they’re a little cleaner than New York City streets, which are filthy. Yes, I do live in New York City, how did you know? Why yes, that does make me better than you) (Sorry, I’m trying to develop my superiority complex now that I’ve been here a couple months) (The streets are bad, though. I’ve already been desensitized to seeing used condoms on the sidewalk). That’s what I want to see. Then when Keanu wants to hang up the black suit? Boban’s there to assume the mantle and keep the franchise going. Sure, he’d use a more physical, less poetic fighting style, but you can work with that. Maybe ratchet up the comedy and somehow increase the absurdity. Boban Wick makes at least $500 million, you can’t tell me otherwise. I can see the vision, here, and I pity anyone who can’t. Now someone go out and get a extra large shipment of No. 2 Ticonderogas.

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NBA Finals Preview

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Finally, some new blood in the NBA Finals. Been a long time since there were two more shocking conference champions, but somehow, some way, the Cavs and Warriors are meeting in the Finals. While leagues like the NHL have to deal with yet another Golden Knights-Capitals matchup, the NBA shows it’s finally captured that fool’s gold known as parity. I, for one, am thrilled to see it.

I’ve done my rant on this before, but to all the mouthbreathers out there who are complaining about Cavs-Warriors IV, what else did you want? If you say Raptors, stop reading this right now and never watch basketball again. If you’re not a Celtics fan (☹️) you can’t be that upset their depleted roster, which was clearly at the end of its rope and flat out choked in game 7, didn’t make it since they would have been obliterated (since we somehow view Finals/Super Bowl/World Series losses as worse than not getting there at all, maybe not a bad thing for the Celtics’ long term reputation??? Always knew Brad had a plan). And don’t hit me with the Rockets if you were someone who was bashing their style of play all year. I seriously can’t understand the hockey guy/90s basketball guy’s mindset when it comes to the Rockets. You hate them because all they do is shoot 3s and manipulate the refs, but then you’re upset when they get eliminated because they were the best chance for a new champion? Huh? And, of course, the Super Team crowd, who apparently just started watching basketball in 2016 and have no idea what the NBA was like in the 60s, 70s, 80s, 90, or 00s. But hey, Kevin Durant ruined the NBA, right? The Warriors are the best team in the league, and LeBron is the best player in the league. If you’re unhappy that that’s the NBA FINALS matchup, please die.

Anyway, as for the series itself. Kind of lazy on my part, but there’s really no point in pulling out any numbers or anything, because the Cavs can’t be summed up by simple metrics. They’re terrible, don’t try, hate each other, and are massive underdogs. They also have LeBron James, who, already mind-meltingly great, continues to improve at age 33. It’s not completely far fetched to say LeBron wins two games singlehandedly then the role players show up for one home game and force a game 7. In all honesty, though, that would require the good Jeff Green game, the good J.R. game, the huge Kevin Love (cleared to play in game 1) game, the good George Hill game, and the game where Tristan Thompson can actually stay on the floor against the Warriors to happen at the same time. I think the last time the planets aligned that perfectly Hades released the Titans from their underwater prison to stage an attack on Mt. Olympus (a little Hercules reference, folks). The odds are overwhelmingly slim.

Here’s what we know about the Cavs- LeBron will be LeBron and Kyle Korver will make 45% of his 3s. Everything else is a total crapshoot. Here’s what we know about the Warriors- they have four Hall of Famers in their primes, who, despite not looking as dominant as usual this year, can reach a collective level no team (maybe ever) can match. The Cavs were way better last year and got absolutely demolished. Apathy is the Cavs only hope at making this a series, if we’re being honest. I hesitate to count out LeBron, but I think this will be quick and painless for all parties involved.

Prediction: Warriors in 5

The NHL Needs to Step in and Rig the Stanley Cup Final

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I realize I haven’t really commented too much on the NHL this year (mostly because I’ve watched about eight combined games), but I just had to float this take out there: the NHL needs to make sure the Washington Capitals win the Stanley Cup.

I know I’ve spent time waxing poetic about the chairmen of the Choker’s Club, and it would be really painful to lose Capitals jokes, but I’m trying to look out for the future of the NHL, here. True hockey guys are so blinded by their love of parity that they’d be thrilled if the Las Vegas Golden Knights won the Stanley Cup, but you absolutely CANNOT let an expansion team win the title their first year. Do you know how bad that looks for the rest of the league? At best it’ll say that every team in the league has a serious talent evaluation problem if they left all of these guys unprotected. I know they changed the expansion draft rules so you can protect less players, but still. The Knights front office ran circles around the rest of the league all season. I repeat: a team in its first year of existence was the smartest team in the league. Think about that. At worst, a Knights win completely de-legitimizes the Stanley Cup. “Hey, you remember when Sidney Crosby won those Cups?” “What, you mean that thing that literally anyone can win? In fact, a team in its first year won it. What’s the big deal?” This is why I don’t get why people hate on the NBA for being predictable. Don’t you want the best team to win the championship? Why would you want a fluke champion that looks terrible in hindsight? To encourage everyone to try? What’s the point of trying to be good if you know some rookie franchise can just steal the title away from you because they got hot? An expansion team is supposed to be a Mickey Mouse shitshow. You’re going to let them win the Stanley Cup in their first year???

Gary Bettman needs to step in. He cut his teeth working under David Stern, it’s time to either put that training to use or make a phone call to someone who can. The refs need to be in on it, the replay guys need to be in on it, Doc Emrick needs to be in on it, the zamboni guy needs to be in on it, literally everyone in the NHL needs to work together to ensure the Golden Knights don’t win the title. Sure, they’re a great story. Great arena, great fans, inspirational, all that. You know what else is a good story? Maintaining the status quo and letting an all-time great finally win something. Again, I realize most hockey guys would never say this, but that’s why I’m here. Parity and handshake lines only get you so far. At some point, someone needs to look at the bigger picture. The Caps need to win. Make sure it happens.

Happy Opening Day of #HotDogSZN

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Don’t know if you people were aware, but it’s Memorial Day Weekend. It’s a great time to remember those who gave their lives to our country, celebrate the start of summer, and take some days off. That’s all well and good, but we all know the real Reason for the Season- it’s the start of Hot Dog Season.

While it’s true that the grill never sleeps, outdoor grilling season is really a Memorial Day through Labor Day window. Burgers, chicken, steak, veggies, literally everything tastes better in the summer when cooked on a grill. But, of course, the star of the show has always been, and always will be, hot dogs. If you’re hosting a barbecue without a metric ton of hot dogs being served, friend, you won’t find me there. I’m an established hot dog junkie, and when the weather gets hot, my dog cravings get hotter. As a hot dog expert, I, of course, have some (correct) opinions about the noble tubesteak. There’s a lot of bad hot dog takes out there, mostly by fools or people who don’t like hot dogs. Don’t trust anyone who doesn’t like hot dogs.

Top Hot Dog Types

  1. Natural casing pork
  2. Natural casing beef
  3. Regular beef/pork mix
  4. Any other meat
  5. Non meat

Top Bun Types

  1. New England style
  2. Anything else

Top Condiments (don’t come at me with some niche sauce you made one time or that your favorite tiny local place has. How could I have possibly had that?)

  1. Yellow mustard
  2. Sauerkraut
  3. Deli mustard
  4. Relish
  5. Spicy mustard

Top Hot Dog Preparation Methods

  1. Grilled
  2. Not eating them at all
  3. Raw
  4. Boiled
  5. Microwaved

Top Hot Dog Accompanyments

  1. Chips
  2. Another hot dog
  3. Fries
  4. An ice-cold Bud Light Lime®, Perfect for Summer
  5. Potato Salad

It’s also time to start prepping for the July 4th Nathan’s Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest on Coney Island. I’m pulling up stats, breaking down film, building advanced statistical models to try and project a winner, all the normal things people do to get ready for the Nathan’s. I’ll be there regardless, but I may or may not have been put on a waiting list for a qualifying event at the end of June. I’ve sent them my highlight reel, but no word on if it’s improved my standing.

Turns Out the Celtics Stink

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Man, who could have seen this coming? I’ll be honest, I think this is on me a little bit. Going into the series I kept telling myself not to get my hopes up. LeBron will always give you just enough hope to make the loss heartbreaking, so just don’t get emotionally invested. But then the Celtics won the first two games by a billion points, and I fell right into the trap. Cavs tied up the series at 2 games apiece and now have the obvious mental edge. This thing is pretty much over.

So what happened? Kind of seems like some combination of the Cavs starting to try a little bit and the Celtics completely breaking down. I’ll throw game 3 out, because you don’t sweep LeBron, and if you’re going to lose, you might as well lose, but last night was tough. The Cavs were dying to lose. They had the big first quarter and kept inviting the Celtics to come all the way back. They were sloppy, played some typically terrible D, and did everything short of literally leaving the court and forfeiting, and the Celtics just refused to acquiesce. They missed every big shot, played even worse D than the Cavs were playing, flat out refused to rebound, stopping passing or moving around on offense. Just bad. And I get that it’s still a very young team that’s punching above its weight a little bit, but the Stevens calling card has always been effort. If they were clearly giving it their all and going balls to the wall and still lost, I can live with that. But when it seems like Marcus Smart is the only one prepared to compete, you’re going to get run out of the building in the Conference Finals. You just are. I think, much like the Pacers are probably kicking themselves over letting their series against the Cavs get away from them, the Celtics are going to be sick looking back at game 3 if they wind up losing this series.

Is there any way the Celtics win? Sure. They have two more home games, where they haven’t lost yet in the postseason. They’re still way more athletic than the Cavs. They just need to lock back in on D and stop trying to play Mamba Ball (I can already see Jayson Tatum’s career careening off the tracks because of this stupid Kobe video. Why do you want to be like Kobe??? Why do you want the “Mamba Mentality?” So you can chuck up 30 fadeaway long 2s then blame your teammates when you lose? Is that what you want your career to be?). I might throw a triangle-and-two out there and put one guy on LeBron, one guy on whoever the best shooter is, and three guys on Tristan Thompson, who might be the best terrible player in NBA history. He completely sucks against everyone but the Celtics, but whenever he sees green he starts dominating. No one can box him out. Somehow when they dump it down to him and let him create it doesn’t always end badly. He even hits his free throws. I simply can’t figure it out, and it’s annoying me to no end. I expected LeBron to enter God Mode. But Tristan Thompson is beating the Celtics??? And I don’t really think there’s anything they can do to stop him from owning the boards, either. He just works so much harder than everyone. Maybe just put Smart on him, that might neutralize him. I’d bet my life the Celtics win game 5 and lose game 7. That’s just what’s going to happen. Basketball is stupid.