R.I.P. Roy Halladay

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Still feels strange saying it. Roy Halladay, 2-time Cy Young winner, million time All Star, future Hall of Famer, and only 40 years old, died in a plane crash yesterday. I was scrolling through Twitter when I saw someone retweet something along the lines of “RIP Doc.” I just ignored it, because that could mean anything. Then I saw more and more similar tweets, then I saw the reports about the plane crash. Then it became real. The police on the scene announced Roy Halladay, the pilot, had died. It was a shock. It’s always a shock when I get the notification that a current or recently retired athlete died. Maybe it’s because I still have the mind of a 12-year-old and these guys are all superhuman to me. They’re all in perfect shape and have more physical gifts than the rest of us can dream of, they don’t die. They don’t get hurt outside the playing field. But, as we’ve been getting reminded of far too frequently these days, they’re mortal just like the rest of us.

When the news first broke, I wasn’t in a position to write about it, so I decided to sleep on it and reflect about what Roy Halladay meant to me (because that’s what really matters, right?). Anyone around my age from my part of the country essentially grew up with Roy heavily involved in their development as a baseball fan. I hit my peak baseball viewership at nearly the same time Roy overcame his early-career woes and became the dominant All Star he was for over a decade. I saw him face the Red Sox a thousand times, and while the Sox typically hit him fairly well, it was never a comfortable experience. He had an intimidating demeanor and delivery that always made it seem like he knew something the hitter didn’t, that he had a grander scheme that no one else could comprehend. I also never hated him, which, believe me, was no small feat. Since I always liked my parents and performed well in school, pretty much all of my pubescent angst was concentrated on sports. I hated more athletes in middle school than I think I could even name today. Anyone who ever performed well against one of my teams, or really anyone who didn’t play for one of my teams who ever received any kind of praise for multiple days on PTI or SportsCenter I hated passionately. But I never hated Roy. I think subconsciously, he was always one of my favorite players to watch. Home runs and endless hit parades are fun every now and then and in video games, but in terms of actually watching baseball, Roy embodied every positive quality a pitcher could have: he worked quickly, he threw strikes, he never walked anybody, he pitched to his defense, he always went at least 7 innings. Fast moving baseball games are legitimately some of the best things in sports, and any game with Roy on the hill was almost guaranteed to be under 3 hours. Sure, he was a great, dominant pitcher, but his stuff probably won’t be what I remember him for. It’ll be his ability to make palatable, aesthetically pleasing baseball games, his playoff no-hitter (which doubled as the first playoff baseball game I watched in college, whatever that means), and his reputation for being one of the nicest, most genuine guys in baseball. All of those things should go on his plaque in Cooperstown.

This also made me think about flying. I think a lot of people are going to take this one, tragic incident and be like “why was he flying?” or “this is why I don’t like small planes,” or “this is why you should stay on the ground,” or any similar take. Personally, I love flying. Love, love, love it. Everyone in the world but me hates airports and flying, but I’m okay with that. I also don’t know if I’ve ever said this out loud before, but one of my biggest dreams is to someday get my pilot’s license. I want to fly planes, I want to fly helicopters, all of it. I’ve just always wanted to be the guy that knows how to operate a bunch of different vehicles. Whenever I think of what role I would want in a criminal organization, I’ve always said that if I can’t be the mastermind, I want to be the chauffeur who also flies the company plane and pilots the submarine and all of that. And, clearly, Roy was the same way. He loved flying. If you followed him on Twitter you know he lived for it. It was his biggest passion outside of baseball. You don’t question why someone was driving if they get into a car crash. He died doing something he loved. In the end, that’s all we can really ask for. R.I.P. Roy Halladay.

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NFL Week 9 Picks

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You didn’t really think the Bills were going to go 6-2, right? Like, have you followed an NFL season before? If so, you not only saw last night’s crushing loss coming, but you can also see exactly how the second half of the season is going to go for the Bills. What I don’t understand is how the media falls for it every year. Each and every year the Bills get off to a blistering start, and every year it’s “this is the year they put it together.” Newsflash- it isn’t. There’s a reason they haven’t made the playoffs since 1999. They have Loser DNA. I’ve mentioned it before, but it baffles me that more people can’t see Loser DNA right away. The Bills have more Loser DNA than regular DNA. Did people actually think the Falcons, the Atlanta Falcons, would beat the Pats? The Suns, the Sacramento Kings, the Capitals, the Jets, the Vikings, the Bengals, there are so many teams that are never good and will never be good, and people fall for them hook, line, and sinker every year. The Bills STINK. The Pats gained ground on their division on their bye week yet again, an underrated tradition during the Brady-Belichick regime. If you take the Bills seriously as a contender, you’re just a moron. Unfortunately, no fun holiday gimmick this week, just plain, boring NFL takes. Lame, I know.

Denver Broncos at Philadelphia Eagles (-8)

T-Minus two days until the Brocket Ship lifts off, bitches! Can’t wait to watch horrendously inaccurate passes, negligible pocket awareness, and lots and lots of sacks, gonna be great. That Brock is somehow viewed as better than Trevor Siemian should be enough to force the NFL’s greatest Northwestern alum since Mike Kafka to consider retirement. Still, this is a bit of a tough game. You should never back Brock, but the Eagles have won 6 in a row. You want to talk Loser DNA, well the entire city of Philadelphia has it. Something has to go wrong, eventually. Blowing an easily winnable game against one of the best defenses in the league seems like a good place to start.

Pick: Broncos +8

Los Angeles Rams (-3.5) at New York Giants

Literally the only reason this won’t just be a complete walkover is that the Rams are coming East to play a 1 p.m. game. Don’t know if you’ve ever heard that reasoning before.

Pick: Rams -3.5

Indianapolis Colts at Houston Texans

No line yet after the shocking news that wunderkind quarterback Deshaun Watson blew his knee out in practice and will miss the rest of the season. Pretty big downer for those of us that love blowouts and absurd stats, because Watson vs. this Colts defense was probably going to be one of the biggest mismatches of the entire NFL season. Alas, now we get to watch Tom Savage bang his head into a wall for 60 minutes. Practice injuries always remind me of my own football career. I “played” in high school, and I put played in parentheses because I rarely saw the field. I had some talent, but rather than do things like stay in shape or practice hard, I ate McDonald’s and played video games. No, I don’t regret it. That much. So, yeah, I didn’t make the NFL, but I also didn’t blow my knee out in practice, so who’s the real winner?

Pick: Texans I guess?

Tampa Bay Bucs at New Orleans Saints (-7)

I feel like I’m kind of in a rut right now where I’m just going with opposite logic. The Saints are on fire and at home. The Bucs are ice cold and have a banged up QB that might not be good when he’s healthy, anyway. So why am I considering taking the Bucs? Is it crazy? This could easily be a 35-17 drubbing. Actually, you’re right. I’m overthinking this.

Pick: Saints -7

Atlanta Falcons (-2) at Carolina Panthers

This is a solemn promise: I will never pick the Falcons when they’re favored as long as Matt Ryan still draws breath in this world.

Pick: Panthers +2

Baltimore Ravens at Tennessee Titans (-3.5)

This game is going to suuuuuuuuuuck. Remind why the Titans, who currently have a -15 point differential, are favored against the Ravens, who, despite being absolutely unwatchable on offense, still have one of the stingier defenses in the league and have a history of winning games they have no business winning? Titans are bad.

Pick: Ravens +3.5

Cincinnati Bengals at Jacksonville Jaguars (-6)

I regret to report that one of the most impressive and unprecedented runs of success in history is over. For the first time all season, I failed to spell Cincinnati correctly on the first try. I don’t know what to say other than I let everybody down. To quote Clayton Kershaw, maybe one day I won’t fail. Until then, I’ll just try to get better.

Pick: Jags -6

Washington Redskins at Seattle Seahawks (-7.5)

It’s that time of year where Russell Wilson starts averaging 400 yards per game despite a pitiful offensive line, just in time to welcome a battered and bruised Washington team that is just dying to get blown out. Redskins don’t have a great history of going west, anyway.

Pick: Seahawks -7.5

Arizona Cardinals (-2) at San Francisco 49ers

Didn’t these two just play? Or do are both teams so bad they just blend together and it seems like they’re always playing each other. Unfortunately, no Jimmy G to salvage some watchability, so avoid this at all costs (my take on the trade: I think I like it. 49ers 2nd round pick is essentially a first round pick, so flipping a guy that went at the end of the 2nd round for an early 2nd rounder is a win. And, I mean, I love Jimmy, but he’s played a game and a half in three years. Does anyone actually know how good he is? He could be a star, he could be Matt Cassell. I’ll trust Bill Belichick’s judgement when it comes to personnel moves. They weren’t going to be able to resign him, so getting a great pick for him is as good of a deal as you can ask for).

Pick: 49ers +2

Kansas City Chiefs at Dallas Cowboys (-2)

I don’t understand this Zeke Elliot situation whatsoever. I don’t get why this suspension won’t stick, I don’t get why Brady couldn’t get this same deal, I don’t even remember what the suspension was for in the first place. This whole thing is just a big fiasco that’s probably never going to end. This game also might never end because no one’s going to stop anyone. This feels like a game the Cowboys win and get the “are the Cowboys Super Bowl contenders” conversation going again.

Pick: Cowboys -2

Oakland Raiders (-3) at Miami Dolphins

I’ve got a laundry basket full of clean clothes that I’ve been putting off folding, looks like Sunday night is a good time to do it!

Pick: Raiders -3

Detroit Lions (-3) at Green Bay Packers

Are the Lions capable of winning a game they should win on the road by more than three points? I really don’t know. They’re actually better on the road than at home, but they’re and NFC North team playing in Lambeau, which usually means a big ol’ L. I’m actually not sure if the Packers are physically capable of scoring more than 17 points, though.

Pick: Lions -3

Bonus College Picks

  • Penn State at Michigan State +10
  • Wisconsin at Indiana +14
  • Iowa State at West Virginia -2.5
  • Oklahoma +2 at Oklahoma State
  • Texas at TCU Over 47

Houston Astros Win the World Series

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Well, that was a decent series, huh? Bit of an anticlimactic Game 7, this still has to be considered one of the greatest World Series of all time. Or at least one of the most exciting. Crazy what happens when the two best teams in the league play a seven game series. When the dust settled, the Astros were finally world champions for the first time.

The most obvious storyline for the Astros was the effect a possible title would have on the city of Houston after the devastation of Hurricane Henry. It’s an uplifting story, but I’ll let the people who have real connections to the city dive into all of that. I’ll just say I’m happy for them and I’m grateful that they beat the Yankees. It would feel a little cynical to suggest having their homes (the Astros also have many Puerto Rican players) get destroyed by natural disasters would give them any kind of extra motivation to win the World Series, but I also don’t think you can discount the emotional lift they got every time they played in Houston. I mean, Minute Maid was rocking every night. One of the craziest baseball environments I’ve ever seen on TV. The Astros provided a much needed distraction for the city, and I think relished that role. Or they were just really, really, good and would have won no matter what. Who’s to say?

I’m always fascinated by teams who win either their first ever championship or their first in a super long time. Will they go the route of the Bulls, Spurs, Warriors, Pats, Blackhawks, or Red Sox and ride generational talents and, in the Red Sox’ case, deep pockets to multiple championships? Or will the go the way of the White Sox, Carolina Hurricanes, Mavericks (still love Dirk, though), or Saints where when we look back in 20-30 years, we ask “wait, that team won a title?” I think the Astros are most likely to be the former. For starters, they’ve got elite talent. Going up the middle, their second baseman and shortstop are future Hall of Famers barring injury and their centerfielder is an All Star. That’s three of the four most important positions on the field filled by three of the top, I don’t know, 20-25 players in the league? Then they have two Cy Young winners, one of whom is a lock for the Hall of Fame? And solid players on the corners, including a defensive wizard third baseman that everyone kind of forgot was a rookie this year? That sounds like a recipe for success, to me. Their core guys are still just entering their primes. Yes, the bullpen is capital B BAD, but all those years of tanking gave them a rich farm system they can use to acquire better, more trustworthy arms if they feel the need. They just kind of have that look, too. Most championship teams have it, sure, but if you watch sports long enough you start to recognize the teams with the different mindsets than anyone else. The combination of results and reputation that feed not only their own confidence but lower the other team’s. The Astros just kept coming back, kept getting up off the mat. The Yankees had them dead to rights and they just brushed them off. The Dodgers should have won this series in all honesty, but their bullpen, which had been untouchable all year, started to legitimately believe they couldn’t get anyone out. You see it with the Pats. The run is probably over, but you saw it with the Giants, especially when Bumgarner was on the hill. You see it with the Warriors, and the Cavs (against the East), and with Duncan’s Spurs, and all the great NBA dynasties. Other teams are going to start wondering if they can actually beat them as Altuve and Correa go back to back for the millionth time. Unless there’s some kind of disastrous injury or something of the like, the Astros aren’t going anywhere anytime soon.

Some random thoughts:

  • Hard Hittin’ New Britain’s own George Springer was named World Series MVP. I don’t think I’ve mentioned it, but both he and I went to the University of Connecticut. I’m not saying that means I deserve a ring, but I’m not saying it doesn’t mean that, either.
  • I love live TV marriage proposals so much. Maybe because they’re always really awkward and forced. Maybe it’s because there’s always the slim chance she says no. Maybe it’s because I enjoy other people experience a moment of joy I’ll never have. Either way, I’m glad Carlos Correa chose last night to propose, regardless of the fact that he couldn’t have picked a worse time or place.
  • When did Yu Darvish become bad? So weird.
  • Andre Ethier has looked the same since ’09 and I don’t think he’s played more than 20 games in a season since then, either.
  • Astros wearing orange in game 7 is an unfair advantage.
  • Everything about Evan Gattis is awesome.
  • I hope having a huge World Series means Joc Pederson is back, both because I love him and because I have an odd obsession with Jewish athletes.
  • It sucks Kershaw couldn’t get it done, but I think the universe decided that letting both Kershaw and the best redhead athlete in America win a championship would be too much.
  • Not to make everything about me and be “insensitive,” but I feel a lot better about the Pats’ playoff chances now that Houston’s cashed in it’s Disaster Team voucher. Don’t need to be worried about facing the Good Mojo team come January.
  • But seriously, donate to Houston and Puerto Rico hurricane relief
  • Can’t wait for April. Red Sox World Series Champions 2018

Official Halloween Candy Power Ranking

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In case you didn’t know, today is Halloween. Or Hallowe’en if you’re weird, but I supposed being weird is encouraged this time of year. We all know the person that loves Halloween way too much and considers it their favorite holiday, and while I’m not here to rain on their parade, saying Halloween is your favorite holiday is an incorrect opinion. However, I do enjoy Halloween, myself. Love fall, love dressing up, love carving pumpkins, the whole deal. Unfortunately, I’m getting into the gray area when it comes to dressing up. Due to cultural stigmas, it’s pretty much considered weird for guys to dress up from ages like 26-32 if you’re single. If you can do couples costumes or have kids, it’s all good, but, sadly, I’m single, childless, and 25, so you better believe I’m pulling out all the stops this year. Even though I’m not even considering leaving my house, I’ll still get dressed up so I can live life to the fullest. But one thing I’ll always be able to enjoy is the candy.

Now that I’m older, I just buy my own bags of Halloween candy (for the Trick-or-Treaters, you see). While it’s less rewarding than going to strangers’ houses and taking candy from them and it removes the thrill of the candy roulette, I also only get things I like, which is better than forcing the seventh sleeve of Smarties down my throat. Still, I’m not so far removed from the Trick-or-Treat game that I don’t know what candy is good anymore. In fact, it may be the opposite. Since I have full control over what candy I get, I have more freedom to experiment and try new things. I know more about candy than anyone I know. As a candy expert on Halloween, it seemed only natural to share my knowledge with everyone knocking on my door looking for goodies. I knew I had to present the Official Brian’s Den Halloween Candy Power Ranking. Now, there may be many takes upcoming that some would consider “hot,” and this is the first one: I love fun size candy bars. Sometimes the ratios can suffer in the more complex bars, and we’ll get into that at an appropriate time, but the fact remains fun size candy gets the most unfair rap of all time. Eat some when you wake up, eat a few in between breakfast and lunch, eat some after lunch, eat some between lunch and dinner, and then eat a bunch for dessert. You can eat more than you usually would and it feels like you’re eating less! What’s not to like? You get good taste and a little confidence boost. Just because it’s bulking season doesn’t mean you have to eat like a slob, right? That’s what I tell myself as I’m scarfing my 20th fun size Snickers in the last ten minutes. So that’s one thing established: fun size=fun. I wanted to keep this reasonable, so I decided to go top twenty. That means there’s going to be some cuts. Some were agonizingly tough and I’ll think about them when I go to bed tonight. Others weren’t. Might as well start with those: Whoppers might be the worst candy of all time. Malt STINKS and malted milk balls are somehow even worse. Actually, I lied. Good & Plenty or anything licorice is the worst candy of all time, but usually people don’t give them out on Halloween (if you or your child has ever been given licorice on Halloween, please alert the correct authorities immediately). Now that licorice is on my mind, I’m just gonna say it- Twizzlers suck. I hate the texture and their flavor doesn’t make up for the dryness. Butterfingers have a pretty solid taste to them, but I don’t like scheduling a dentist appointment every time I eat a candy bar. Ditto for Milk Duds, except they taste bad, too. Sour Patch Kids, I’m sorry, but Halloween is a sweet holiday, not a sour one. If you give me anything with wax in the name I’m legally allowed to slap you in the face. If I wanted to eat chalk, I’d rather it be the sidewalk variety than Smarties/SweetTarts/Necco Wafers. I like Tootsie Rolls and flavored Tootsie Rolls, I really do, but I live just above the poverty line so I can’t include them. Straight Hershey’s and the other blocks of pure chocolate are perfectly fine, but perfectly fine doesn’t make the list. All of the things that come in the Hershey Variety Pack (Hershey Dark, Mr. Goodbar, Krackle) top out at okay. No one’s been given an Oh Henry! in 30 years, but they’re actually pretty good (be honest, you don’t know what an Oh Henry! is. But that’s why I’m writing this and you aren’t). Peanut m&m’s are one of the few casualties of fun size, since you only get like five in a bag. Crunch is fine and Buncha Crunch is an elite movie theater candy, but it’s so boring comparatively when you look at some of the heavyweights on the list. Lastly, it’s not really a Trick-or-Treat candy, but it’s so closely associated with Halloween and fall holidays that it needs a mention- candy corn suxxxx. It’s very bad and I enjoy every moment of my life that isn’t spent eating it. Anything I didn’t mention is probably just irrelevant and shouldn’t be included in any power ranking. Without further ado, let’s get into the Top 20.

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20. Mounds

Mounds probably deserves to be a little higher on the list (I’m a big coconut guy. I live my life on Island Time, brah), but I wanted to put it at 20 to show the razor thin margin between Mounds and its sister candy Almond Joy. Yes, Almond Joy fans, your beloved bar didn’t make the list. I’m sorry. Ask me tomorrow and I’ll have a different answer. But really, it comes down to the fact that, even though I like almonds, I don’t like them enough to eat them all the time. Also, and this may or may not be your second hot take alert depending on your personal (probably wrong) preferences, dark chocolate is better than milk chocolate.

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19. 100 Grand

Honestly these might rank higher if they were more mainstream, but they’re a little too underground at the moment. God, this is a tough list. 100 Grand are awesome and are stuck at number 19! How am I going to rank the rest of these powerhouses?

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18. Reese’s Pieces

I have to come clean: I don’t really like Reese’s Pieces that much. Love peanut butter, but I’m not an “eat straight peanut butter” guy. Still, you have to respect the legends of the candy world.

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17. Cauldron Skittles

They’re like Skittles, only Halloween flavored! If you take anything I like and put it in fancy different colored packaging and give it a festive name, I’m in 100% of the time.

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16. m&m’s

m&m’s are like candy comfort food. You always know what you’re going to get, and they’re always there when you need them. Very simple, a little boring, but I’m not going to be the one to mock one of the O.G.’s.

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15. Pretzel m&m’s

Pretzel m&m’s are legitimately some of the greatest candies ever invented. You get three in a fun size package. No bueno.

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14. Snickers

Love me some Snickers, but the ratio always seems a little off in the fun size version. There’s always too few peanuts, or too much caramel, or not enough nougat. It’s just not the true Snickers experience. And, yes, I’m sure everyone has the story about that one guy who was trying way too hard to be the cool dad who gave away full size candy bars and the Snickers you got from him were amazing, but we’re not talking about exceptions, here. We’re talking about reality.

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13. Fast Break

I honestly don’t know if they even still make these in fun size, anymore, it’s been so long since I’ve seen them. Regardless, Fast Breaks were awesome. The combo of peanut butter and nougat was a little much at times, but when you got a good Fast Break, oh man. It was good. Believe me.

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12. Snicker Peanut Butter

The candy game is definitely built on legacy and reputation, so when relative newcomers show up on the list, you know they’re big time. I remember these coming out, and I remember wondering why they didn’t try this earlier. They don’t suffer like their father bar does in fun size, mostly because the peanut butter is really overpowering. Whatever, still tastes awesome.

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11. Skittles

The Roger Clemens of candy, Skittles threw away a Hall of Fame career and a guaranteed spot in the top 5 chasing innovation. I don’t use hyperbole, so when I say the decision to change from lime to green apple was the worst decision of all time, I’m being genuine. The fact that it still ranks so high is just a testament to its otherworldly natural talent.

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10. 3 Musketeers

I feel like there’s a lot of hate floating around the Interwebs directed at 3 Musketeers, at I’m here to tell you it’s all dribble. 3 Musketeers is a prime time candy any way you slice it. Prime time name, prime time concept, prime time taste. Yeah, it’s simple, but it’s done right. It works any size, and you can eat about a billion of them and not feel full. I’m a fan of that.

511acooi5ul9. Milky Way

A veritable brother-in-arms with 3 Musketeers, Milky Way can pretty much always be found in the same bag. And they’re pretty much the same thing, only Milky Way has caramel. That’s why it’s one spot higher (a good time to review my rant on the word milk).

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8. Nerds

I’d say it kind of depends on the flavor, but all the flavors are pretty much the same. The closest thing to a true sour candy on the list. The small rock are great, but when you get a big chuck of crystalized sugar covered in artificial flavoring, well that’s a special kind of bliss, friend.

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7. Baby Ruth

Kind of a weird thing to say out loud, but I went through a pretty big Baby Ruth phase when I was a kid, so this might be nostalgia driven, but Baby Ruth’s are still great. They’re pretty much Snickers that figured out how to be good regardless of the size. They can be peanut heavy every now and then, but usually they’ve got a strong ratio. They aren’t the most widely distributed Halloween candy, so they’re kind of like found money if you have good taste. Please spare me your Sandlot jokes, I don’t want them.

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6. Starburst

I’ve got another hot take, and I think this one is probably the least popular, but I’m fine standing alone. All true visionaries were ridiculed in their time, and I imagine I’m no different. Yellow is the best flavor. That’s right, I said it. Everyone’s favorite whipping boy, yellow Starburst, just left with the Prom Queen (me). Orange is the worst by a pretty wide margin. Starburst on the whole are among the greatest of all time.

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5. Midnight Milky Way

This might be the most controversial pick, but I’m more than willing to go out on a limb. As previously established, I prefer dark chocolate to milk chocolate and I have regular Milky Way at number 9. Ipso facto, Midnight Milky Way gets a boost. It certainly helps that there are so few viable dark chocolate options on Halloween, but the flavor is still out of this world. Get it?

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4. Twix

Now we’re into rarified air. The previous 16 are sort of interchangeable for the most part. All that matters in making the list. But the top 4? They’re pretty unassailable in my mind. Twix is a behemoth. One of the greatest candies ever. I feel like I’ve probably eaten more Twix than any other chocolate candy on this list. But it’s just not quite good enough.

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3. Reese’s Cups

This is probably number one on a lot of people’s lists, and I’m okay with that. They’re just not my fave. Legendary combination of flavors, obviously, and one of the true innovators of the candy world. You can’t tell the story of candy without mentioning Reese’s pretty early on. But they’re just so rich. When I get my Halloween candy, I want to gorge myself. I want to eat and keep eating and keep eating. But after a Reese’s or two, I have to slow down a little bit. Halloween is about excess, not pausing to digest.

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2. Kit Kat

Of all the candy that’s been around forever (or at least as long as I’ve been alive), Kit Kat is easily the best. Plain and simple. It’s a perfect candy that can’t be improved in any way, taste test results from all the weird Japanese flavors notwithstanding. An added bonus of fun size Kit Kats is that, since you only get one, you avoid the awkward social booby trap that comes with eating a full size one (for those wondering, I’ve got no problem just chomping down and eating them all at once if I’m at my house, but if I’m eating a Kit Kat in public you better believe I’m breaking the pieces off individually. Don’t need to be judged while I’m eating candy).

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1. Take 5

Take 5 is the greatest candy of all time don’t @ me. When I was at the store buying some candy, the only bag I found that included Take 5s also had Whoppers and Dots. It was the most insulting thing I’ve ever seen. Take 5 should never be included with those abominations. Matter of fact, any bag that isn’t strictly Take 5 is an inferior bag. I could eat these non-stop for the rest of my life. Sure, I probably wouldn’t live very long, but I’d be happy doing it.

That’s it. The ultimate list of candy. If you disagree, you’re wrong. If I didn’t mention your favorite, maybe it’s time to take a look in the mirror and address some things. Still, most candy is still good, so I suppose I won’t look down on you too much if you prefer something else. But this Halloween, consider dressing up as someone with good taste.

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