Applebee’s Has Declined My Help and Will Surely Go Out of Business Soon

fast-dining

Some of you may remember I recently declared that I was about to save Applebee’s. That by testing the limits of their All You Can Eat Chicken Tenders I would create enough buzz to bring the casual dining chain back from the brink of millennial-fueled extinction. I am sad to report Applebee’s has spit in my face and told me they would not like my help.

I said I would go last week to film a video. Hand up, that’s on me. Life got in the way (I really just didn’t feel like it, but if you just say life got in the way no one ever questions it) and I couldn’t Eat Good in My Neighborhood. But I had today circled on my calendar. I was going to get a haircut (I finally found my New York City person. Very difficult thing for white people) and head on down to ‘bee’s for as much chicken as I could shovel into my gullet. It was a nice day I had planned out for myself. Only thing is, when I get to Applebee’s, they tell me they’re no longer doing All You Can Eat Chicken. I couldn’t believe it. I was stunned. Floored, even. You’ve never seen someone leave a restaurant as fast as I left that Applebee’s.

People may think I’m mad. I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed. Does it suck that I lost a good video that would have gotten thousands hundreds dozens of views? Yeah, it does. But I’m not disappointed for my sake. My brand will survive this. Applebee’s won’t. I don’t know if they were worried they couldn’t stock enough chicken to appease me or just have a long-standing grudge against the Brian’s Den, but for whatever reason they decided they wouldn’t allow me to save them. As I said in the first post, I grew up on Applebee’s. Spent many a night at the Rutland, Vermont location. It was the closest thing we had to big city living. Knowing that, theoretically, someone in L.A. or Texas or New York could be having the same meal as I was eating opened my eyes to just how small our country really is. And it’s sad to see them like this. They’re dying. Everyone can see they need help. And yet, they’re too proud to grab the hand being held out to them. To see that a popular social media influencer has interest in doing a video at one of your restaurants and have your reaction be removing the promotion that drew him in is classic self-destructive behavior. I tried to help once, and Applebee’s turned me away. If they want to go down in flames, I won’t stop them. At some point, some people just refuse to be helped. I’m just sad it had to end this way. Rest in peace, Applebee’s. Coach Taylor and I will never forget you.

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Applebee’s has All You Can Eat Chicken Tenders so I Guess I’m Going to Applebee’s

They say millennials are killing Applebee’s and other casual dining chains. That we don’t go out to eat as much and our tastes are evolving. Well, Applebee’s just fired up the Bat-signal and I’m answering the call. Like a white knight riding into battle in the eleventh hour, this millennial is going to save Applebee’s.

How, you ask? Simple. In a desperate move to attract business, Applebee’s is offering all you can eat riblets and tenders for $12.99. They’re giving it away. They’re practically begging someone to come in and film a video of themselves testing the limits of the “all you can eat” policy. I’m not too proud to oblige them. So, to prove millennials still eat at Applebee’s, I’m going to Eat Good in my Neighborhood, and I’m going to eat a lot. Haven’t been to an Applebee’s since I left home (Applebee’s is a Rutland, Vermont delicacy), but next week I’m heading into Coach Taylor’s favorite dining establishment to see how many tenders I can eat (riblets are too hard to eat to truly binge). It will be captured on film, naturally. So start placing your bets before it’s too late. The early over/under has been set at 21.5, but it could change depending on the action. Get hyped, because I’m officially bringing Applebee’s Back.

Happy One Year Anniversary to Me

all-the-joys-of-love

Wow. As of today, it’s officially been a full year since I started The Brian’s Den. I know, I know. Congratulations to me and all that. Hard to believe it’s been 365 days since, a day after George Michael’s death, I decided to start this website. There’s been a lot of ups and a couple downs, but hopefully it was never boring. The world takeover hasn’t quite happened yet, but I still appreciate everyone who comes here to waste a few minutes every day. You’re all part of the the most exclusive club in the world, so don’t be afraid to puff out your chest a little bit and act like you’re better than everyone. You read the most educational website in the world, after all.

Now, were I a true professional, I’d have something special planned for my one year anniversary. Unfortunately, I’m not, so I don’t. So instead of forcing some content to materialize that undoubtedly won’t be good, I figured I’d just run back some posts that I know are good. That’s right, it’s the Official Brian’s Den clip show!

The Videos

Coors Field Concession Review

Denver Airport Conspiracy

Hot Dog Eating Contest

Episode 1 of my short lived cooking show (RIP)

How I Saved New York City

Can’t go too long without mentioning my (sort of) signature series, Burning Questions

Burning Questions Hub

The Food Takes

Which Fast Food Place Has the Worst Dressed Customers?

Fast Food Sauces Stink

Halloween Candy Power Ranking

Crab > Lobster

Why I Hate Lunch

The Grocery Store Rules

Best Pizza Chain

The Best #sports Talk

What’s up with JJ Redick’s tattoos?

The NBA’s Hidden Crime Syndicate

This is probably problematic but I still think it’s funny

Is Aaron Judge a True Yankee?

Pats Won the Super Bowl if you hadn’t heard

Entertainment News

Best Action Movie Characters

Stop Calling Die Hard a Christmas Movie

The Greatest Video Ever Made

Is The Weeknd a Virgin?

The Next Oscar Winner

The comprehensive list of Yu-Gi-Oh! takes

The Special Occasions

Countdown to 2017

Valentine’s Day

Eclipse 2017

Thanksgiving

Christmas (including Hawaiian Christmas)

So, what’s your favorite post? Did it show up here? Or do I have so many good ones that I overlooked some? What was my worst one (trick question, of course)? Let me know what you liked and would like to see more of. It was a good year one, and hopefully year two will be a big one.